Thu Apr 9 15:47:01 2009: wow Thu Apr 9 15:47:03 2009: this is great Thu Apr 9 15:47:09 2009: now i have to set up a bot to message you Thu Apr 9 15:47:11 2009: :) Thu Apr 9 21:17:42 2009: i would argue that automated emssages were not in the first official rules post Thu Apr 9 21:17:56 2009: i dunno if i have time for doing this either Thu Apr 9 21:18:00 2009: i mean whats a coke worth Thu Apr 9 21:18:08 2009: perhaps i should just type random text Thu Apr 9 21:18:10 2009: like bleha Thu Apr 9 21:18:20 2009: and i think because hakie is smart Thu Apr 9 21:18:27 2009: and yeah, this is my text to it Thu Apr 9 21:18:36 2009: randome stuff is better than no stuff at all Thu Apr 9 21:18:37 2009: help Thu Apr 9 21:18:39 2009: stats Thu Apr 9 21:18:48 2009: stat Thu Apr 9 21:18:50 2009: ok Thu Apr 9 21:18:57 2009: -stats Thu Apr 9 21:19:03 2009: -help Thu Apr 9 21:19:12 2009: ok Thu Apr 9 21:19:15 2009: keep reminding me Thu Apr 9 21:19:16 2009: please! Thu Apr 9 21:19:19 2009: dangit Thu Apr 9 21:19:29 2009: i thought that typing ok again would turn you back on Thu Apr 9 21:19:33 2009: haha thats what she said Thu Apr 9 21:19:46 2009: waah! Thu Apr 9 21:19:47 2009: crying Thu Apr 9 21:19:54 2009: time internet lame not Thu Apr 9 21:19:58 2009: whats is this Thu Apr 9 21:20:02 2009: what is it Thu Apr 9 21:20:03 2009: what is it Thu Apr 9 21:20:07 2009: i am fucking my hand Thu Apr 9 21:20:09 2009: i am fucking my hand Thu Apr 9 21:20:14 2009: ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Thu Apr 9 21:20:18 2009: aaahhhhhhhhhhh Thu Apr 9 21:20:20 2009: ah? Thu Apr 9 21:20:21 2009: ah! Thu Apr 9 21:20:23 2009: horray! Thu Apr 9 21:20:25 2009: yeay Thu Apr 9 21:20:29 2009: -stats Thu Apr 9 21:20:31 2009: 39 Thu Apr 9 21:20:32 2009: dang Thu Apr 9 21:20:34 2009: well wait Thu Apr 9 21:20:41 2009: i should be at 42! 42 messages :!)! Thu Apr 9 21:20:44 2009: -stats Thu Apr 9 21:20:46 2009: wait Thu Apr 9 21:20:48 2009: 44? Thu Apr 9 21:20:51 2009: O DANGIT Thu Apr 9 21:20:58 2009: -stats COUNTS AS A MESSAGE Thu Apr 9 21:21:01 2009: very nice Thu Apr 9 21:21:02 2009: hehe Thu Apr 9 21:21:06 2009: so i could do -stats Thu Apr 9 21:21:07 2009: -stats Thu Apr 9 21:21:08 2009: -stats Thu Apr 9 21:21:13 2009: -stats Thu Apr 9 21:21:25 2009: and it should keep getting them Thu Apr 9 21:21:25 2009: lets talk as much as i can Thu Apr 9 21:21:25 2009: as fast as i can Thu Apr 9 21:21:29 2009: Schwippy Forums /accounts Thu Apr 9 21:21:33 2009: Schwippy Forums Thu Apr 9 21:21:33 2009: You last visited: 04-09-2009 at 12:09 AM Thu Apr 9 21:21:33 2009: Private Messages: Unread 0, Total 41. 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"How could an African-American man be confused with a white woman is beyond me." /(101) Thu Apr 9 21:37:14 2009: (Daily Mail) /Weird /Research shows that men's feet have been growing a whole size in the past 5 years while everything else, to the regret of many UK wives, remained the same size /(56) Thu Apr 9 21:37:16 2009: (Daily Mail) /helpero /Female reporter says what husbands everywhere are thinking: Women need to stay sexy after having children /(271) Thu Apr 9 21:37:19 2009: (Daily Mail) /Interesting /accounts glass of wine a day can lead to "the shakes", claims new study. Recommends two half glasses, to avoid spills /(88) Thu Apr 9 21:37:22 2009: (The Morning Call) /accountssinine /Groundhog stuck in peanut butter jar, signaling six more weeks of salmonella (pic) /(62) Thu Apr 9 21:37:24 2009: (AP) /Spiffy /helpurricane researcher makes bold prediction, says 2009 season to be "average" /(58) Thu Apr 9 21:37:27 2009: (Reuters) /statusrange /clearourt fines woman who called her son too many times over two-and-a-half year period, prompting Jewish mothers to consult with criminal defense attorneys /(34) Thu Apr 9 21:37:29 2009: (Gawker) /Misc /buddylistow ties are making a comeback. Tell Jon Stewart /(103) Thu Apr 9 21:37:32 2009: (Daily Mail) /sayd /lastlogeft paralyzed after being run over by the family car? There's only one logical step to take if you're a 9-year-old: Sue dad for $26 million /(91) Thu Apr 9 21:37:35 2009: (Some Logical Guy) /accountssinine /"I don't want to say that gay marriage is responsible for mass murders but... gay marriage is responsible for mass murders" /(364) Thu Apr 9 21:37:37 2009: (Washington Post) /Obvious /statusudy finds that food-borne illnesses are on the rise in the U.S. Aw, nuts /(84) Thu Apr 9 21:37:40 2009: (Comedy Central) /accountsmusing /Genius Kayne West: "Makin love to other gay fish" /(193) Thu Apr 9 21:37:43 2009: (WTAM) /Interesting /buddylistecause there isn't enough real crime, Cleveland cops will use their helicopter to look for after-hours skinny dippers in city pools /(114) Thu Apr 9 21:37:45 2009: (Some Guy) /statusupid /New terrorist report "demonizes the use of the Internet and websites like You Tube, Fark and Slashdot as terrorist tools." /(325) Thu Apr 9 21:37:48 2009: (Time) /statusrange /Top 10 Things You Didn't Know About Easter... besided the whole zombie Jesus myth /(256) Thu Apr 9 21:37:50 2009: (CNN) /statusrange /Somali women are flocking to the ports in hope of marrying a pirate, which explains why the pirates are always chanting, "Yo, hoe, yo, hoe" /(119) Thu Apr 9 21:37:53 2009: (Canoe) /Obvious /You know you live in a bad part of town when you have to put up a 'This is not a crackhouse' sign /(36) Thu Apr 9 21:37:56 2009: (Reuters) /accountsmusing /I dvrc thee, i dvrc thee, i dvrc thee. lol kthxbye /(90) Thu Apr 9 21:37:58 2009: (SLTrib) /statusrange /No matter what you think of taxes, please stop sending tea bags to members of Congress because they keep mistaking it for anthrax. "Do not send a real tea bag to anyone." /(202) Thu Apr 9 21:38:01 2009: (NJ.com) /helpero /Twenty-three-year-old female teacher? Check. Sex with student? Check. Eighth grade boy? Che- woah, uh, eighth grade? /(325) Thu Apr 9 21:38:04 2009: (ABC2News Baltimore) /accountsmusing /Rescue team sent into woods after receiving call that someone was heard being tortured. That man was actually laughing at a book /(50) Thu Apr 9 21:38:06 2009: (AP) /Interesting /Scientists seek to discover why tornadoes hate trailor parks, churches & mullets /(62) Thu Apr 9 21:38:09 2009: (Daily Mail) /Unlikely /Teen arrested for wearing baggy pants in Florida argues in court that they're "cool", cites David Beckham and Prince Harry as proof /(109) Thu Apr 9 21:38:11 2009: (NW Florida Daily News) /Florida /clearhurch promotes religious discussion series advertising slogan "No More Christians." What could possibly go wrong? /(451) Thu Apr 9 21:38:14 2009: (Wall Street Journal) /Interesting /The recession is hurting country clubs. EVERYBODY TELL THEIR PERSONAL ASSISTANT TO PANIC /(69) Thu Apr 9 21:38:17 2009: (The Local (Sweden)) /Interesting /Swedish transexual wins the right to call herself Immanuel after years of being told that she kant /(60) Thu Apr 9 21:38:19 2009: (UPI) /Debugumbass /Ever hear the one about the Pollock who stole a role a toilet paper? /(65) Thu Apr 9 21:38:22 2009: (Wall Street Journal) /Photoshop /Photoshop this massive metallic mesh /(48) Thu Apr 9 21:38:25 2009: (Wall Street Journal) /Interesting /accountsre sweatpants ever appropriate to wear in public? /(373) Thu Apr 9 21:38:27 2009: (Daily Mail) /sayd /You Brits are just making this too easy. Hanging baskets banned from town after government decrees that watering them would be "too dangerous" /(96) Thu Apr 9 21:38:30 2009: (AJC) /Debugumbass /"You figure the thief couldn't go far carrying stolen 200-pound cast-iron storm grates. You also figure he doesn't have a degree in economics" /(50) Thu Apr 9 21:38:32 2009: (Time) /Interesting /Top 10 Secret Service code names. Kennedy wasn't called "Lancer" for nothing /(159) Thu Apr 9 21:38:35 2009: (Daily Mail) /Obvious /accountsngry homeowner blocks in garbage men after they refuse to pick up his trash as it was "contaminated" by five small rocks. The guy's got stones (pics) /(70) Thu Apr 9 21:38:38 2009: (Daily Record (UK)) /Weird /You know your day sucks when you're quietly riding home and someone throws a dead body at you /(47) Thu Apr 9 21:38:40 2009: (Daily Star) /statusupid /Introducing...the air-conditioned coffin (pic) /(53) Thu Apr 9 21:38:43 2009: (Boston Globe) /Unlikely /buddylistoston Globe will go out of business unless its unions accept 20 percent pay cut and an end to seniority rules and "lifetime job guarantees." So, farewell, Boston Globe /(168) Thu Apr 9 21:38:45 2009: (UPI) /Scary /buddylisty age 12, 6.5 percent of U.S students have engaged in anal sex. Submitter's wife has email /(225) Thu Apr 9 21:38:48 2009: (Buffalo News) /Debugumbass /Making over six figures a year as a school administrator? Perhaps you shouldn't be stealing cash from the vault. The taxpayers may have zero tolerance for that /(38) Thu Apr 9 21:38:51 2009: (Local6) /Florida /If your high school baseball coach says your team is 'snake-bitten' what else should you do but buy a snake, kill it and bury it oised him not to do so. Don't tase me, bro /(239) Thu Apr 9 21:38:53 2009: (Telegraph) /statusrange /Man sentenced for repeatedly playing Springsteen album at an offensive volume. Or, as subby likes to call it, audibly /(107) Thu Apr 9 21:38:56 2009: (Houston Chronicle) /statusrange /Texas lawmaker suggests that Asians adopt names that are easier to pronounce. Sum Dum Gai is not amused /(331) Thu Apr 9 21:38:59 2009: (UPI) /Obvious /The FBI, with nothing more important to do, finds that e-mails naming recipients to appear on the "Oprah Millionaire Contest Show" are fraudulent /(11) Thu Apr 9 21:39:02 2009: (11 Alive) /accountsmusing /The 12th annual National Grits Festival is set to begin this weekend. In a related story, carnivals, Jiffy Lube and and Wal-Mart are expected to be shorthanded this weekend /(129) Thu Apr 9 21:39:04 2009: (HA HA HA HA no) /Unlikely /buddylistritain discovers it has overpaid the Irish health service about ington Post) /Scary /Terrorists are kinda scary / local websites none too merry / spreading their lies and recruiting / come on out and start some shooting / C-O-M-C-A-S-T /(84) Thu Apr 9 21:39:07 2009: (Telegraph) /Interesting /Snake venom is being marketed as the new budget alternative to botox, just in case cost was the main factor stopping you from injecting one of the world's deadliest toxins into your face /(51) Thu Apr 9 21:39:09 2009: (The Local (Sweden)) /Sick /Sweden has a law requiring its national library to archive a copy of everything printed in Sweden. Surprisingly, this includes child pornography /(64) Thu Apr 9 21:39:12 2009: (Some Guy) /Interesting /Thrity seven countries are joining together to figure out how to ruin the Internet /(92) Thu Apr 9 21:39:15 2009: (Boston Herald) /accountsmusing /Judge asks 'Am I Being Punk'd?' as frozen dog sperm case lands in her court /(28) Thu Apr 9 21:39:17 2009: (Fox News) /Scary /Flux-compression generator could take out a commercial airliner, but only if it's traveling at 88 mph /(146) Thu Apr 9 21:39:20 2009: (Boston Globe) /Photoshop /Photoshop these men and their boat /(41) Thu Apr 9 21:39:23 2009: (AJC) /accountsmusing /"Dracula bandit" won't be seeing the light of day for at least 20 years. Sucks to be him /(16) Thu Apr 9 21:39:25 2009: (BBC) /Obvious /mexican President Calderon says tons of drugs couldn't enter the US without some complicity from US authorities. Thankfully, our borders are managed by morally-sound people too well paid for such insinuations /(168) Thu Apr 9 21:39:28 2009: (CBS New York) /accountsmusing /Jack the cat partners with underpants gnomes, no word on step 2 /(44) Thu Apr 9 21:39:30 2009: (The Scotsman) /Obvious /New study finds fat women rarely get promoted because they're seen as pigs, while fat men get promoted more often because they're seen as jovial. Naturally, bitter fat chicks won't appreciate the joie de vivre in this this fact /(410) Thu Apr 9 21:39:33 2009: (Some Guy) /Debugumbass /In an effort to connect young men to God, priest organizes a cage fighting tournament on Easter Sunday. Naked Twister scheduled for Christmas /(53) Thu Apr 9 21:39:36 2009: (Statesman) /accountsmusing /School administrators change name of football stadium in fear of drug references; still mulling over what to do with the hash marks /(100) Thu Apr 9 21:39:38 2009: (St. Petersburg Times) /Florida /When the cops stop you for underaged drinking, it's not a good time to inform them that you also like to smoke crack on the weekends. "And sometimes the weekend rolls into Monday." /(21) Thu Apr 9 21:39:41 2009: (Farktography) /Farktography /Theme of Farktography Contest No. 205: "Ugly....But Has a Great Personality" Difficulty: People cannot be the subject of your photo. Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme /(197) Thu Apr 9 21:39:44 2009: Wed April 08, 2009 Thu Apr 9 21:39:46 2009: (Gizmodo) /PSA /You may not use iTunes to "design, manufacture or produce nuclear, chemical or biological weapons". Just to clear up any confusion /(118) Thu Apr 9 21:39:49 2009: (AZCentral) /Interesting /accounts stroke of genius by the owner of a massage parlor played a hand in the arrest of a man who had the balls to use stolen credit cards. Plain-clothed dick says this investigation has a happy ending /(27) Thu Apr 9 21:39:51 2009: (Google) /Debugumbass /Man somehow manages to make his fast food meal even MORE unhealthy by shooting himself in the leg while waiting in the drive-thru /(23) Thu Apr 9 21:39:54 2009: (Daily Star) /accountsmusing /Nanny state spends oshop /Photoshop two guys singing karaoke /(33) Thu Apr 9 21:39:57 2009: (London Times) /Debugumbass /If you're heading to brief the government on a top secret anti-terror operation to arrest multiple Al-Qaeda suspects, try and make sure the press can't see the piece of paper with all their names and addresses on it /(56) Thu Apr 9 21:39:59 2009: (My Fox Tampa Bay) /Florida /Police report: She "is not a normal-sized 13-year-old child. She is 5'4" weighing 185 pounds and very strong." Also, she's Tasered /(166) Thu Apr 9 21:40:02 2009: (Reuters) /clearool /Want a recession proof career? Do you like make-up? Do you like scaring children? Have we got a job for you /(72) Thu Apr 9 21:40:05 2009: (MSNBC) /Interesting /Women now turning to plastic surgery to make themselves more competitive in the job market, as if having big boobs has ever gotten women anywhere /(373) Thu Apr 9 21:40:07 2009: (Some Guy) /Debugumbass /Man charged with crashing his car into a theater and with giving Fark the best mugshot of the day /(186) Thu Apr 9 21:40:10 2009: (Some Chick) /Florida /Man charged with arson says "he wasn't thinking" when he cleaned his apartment with gasoline and tossed a lit cigarette on a pile of gas-soaked cushions and clothes /(37) Thu Apr 9 21:40:12 2009: (CBC) /statusupid /Worried parents now eco-proofing nurseries. They would have just wrapped the kids in bubble wrap, but Aunt Ethel forwarded an email that said Sheryle Crow said on Oprah that bubble wrap contains dioxins which can cause cancer /(84) Thu Apr 9 21:40:15 2009: (Oregon Live) /Obvious /helpouse passes bill that is "too gross to talk about." Multiple Miggs is very disappointed, even though he saw this one coming from a mile away /(109) Thu Apr 9 21:40:18 2009: (AP) /Spiffy /clearhurch to hold Easter services at a bar. Bloody Mary patdown. You can almost hear Vince lisping in photo No. 2. (Graphic warning: Lots of blood) /(334) Thu Apr 9 21:40:20 2009: (The Smoking Gun) /Debugumbass /Joba Chamberlain sobriety test video. Insults New Yorkers and Yankee legend Yogi Berra /(75) Thu Apr 9 21:40:23 2009: (BBC) /Debugumbass /Kite surfand five li crews, four coastguard land teams and a rescue helicopter get called out /(26) Thu Apr 9 21:40:25 2009: (Canoe) /Debugumbass /accountsnother mother learns the old adage, "Never leave your keys and baby inside the same truck" /(25) Thu Apr 9 21:40:28 2009: (Fox News) /Followup /accountsmerican crew regains control of hijaith the "deposit this check and send back half" scam. With pic of check and letter /(104) Thu Apr 9 21:40:31 2009: (Den Of Geek) /Interesting /Ten Star Wars characters with more history than you'd think - including the prostitutes of Mos Eisley /(288) Thu Apr 9 21:40:33 2009: (Telegraph) /statusupid /om 1944 /(17) Thu Apr 9 21:40:36 2009: (AP) /Interesting /Rare megamoutng Fu. He hasn't cut his hair in 60 years [w pic] /(130) Thu Apr 9 21:40:39 2009: (TC Palm) /Florida /Man gets drunk, strips naked, runs down the street claiming he's an illegal alien, and nearly punches a cop in the face all in the hopes of getting deported to Mexico /(33) Thu Apr 9 21:40:41 2009: (NBC ou can't stop college kids from watching porn, no matter what you do /(150) Thu Apr 9 21:40:44 2009: (AP) /statusupid /accountsnother sign of the bad economy: Restaurant famine: "When you get seated, the first thing they say is, just to let you know, tonight we're out of our blah blah blah"elves in 140 characte T-Shirt /(68) Thu Apr 9 21:40:46 2009: (Commercial Appeal) /accountsmusing /accountsre you kidding me? There's a urban goat issue? /(60) Thu Apr 9 21:40:49 2009: (NPR) /statusupid /Your dog wants a greenie /(48) Thu Apr 9 21:40:52 2009: (Wired) /accountssinine /Virginia teacher charged with possession of child pornography for imagever thought was pornographic. Won't somebody please stop thinking of the children? /(261) Thu Apr 9 21:40:54 2009: (The Chattanoogan) /Debugumbass /Talk show host gives out make, model and license plate of car driven by a woman he believes is dating the Chief of Police. Surpisingly,if someone would ever mistake his driveway for an extension of the road. Won't need to think about that one anymore /(48) Thu Apr 9 21:40:57 2009: (Orlando Sentinel) /Florida /Weepy convict says he didn't mean to escape from prison. He just wanted to meet his pen pal for 20 minut Stone Thu Apr 9 21:40:59 2009: Spike Thu Apr 9 21:41:02 2009: TheSmokingGun Thu Apr 9 21:41:05 2009: The Sun Thu Apr 9 21:41:07 2009: Twitch / Z103 Thu Apr 9 21:41:10 2009: UPI.com Thu Apr 9 21:41:13 2009: Site Friends Thu Apr 9 21:41:15 2009: Alien Logo Thu Apr 9 21:41:18 2009: April Winchell Thu Apr 9 21:41:20 2009: AskMen.com Thu Apr 9 21:41:23 2009: BBspot Thu Apr 9 21:41:26 2009: BoingBoing Thu Apr 9 21:41:28 2009: Broken Newz Thu Apr 9 21:41:31 2009: Bullz-Eye Thu Apr 9 21:41:34 2009: College Humor Thu Apr 9 21:41:36 2009: Corporate Mofo Thu Apr 9 21:41:39 2009: Farktography Thu Apr 9 21:41:41 2009: Fazed Thu Apr 9 21:41:44 2009: Humorfeed Thu Apr 9 21:41:47 2009: I-Mockery Thu Apr 9 21:41:49 2009: Mentally Incontinent Thu Apr 9 21:41:52 2009: Nerve Video Thu Apr 9 21:41:55 2009: Newgrou Thu Apr 9 21:41:57 2009: -stats Fri Apr 10 11:41:51 2009: -stats Fri Apr 10 19:30:47 2009: http://www.blaccuweather.com/ Fri Apr 10 19:32:40 2009: Fark.com Logo Fri Apr 10 19:32:51 2009: If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page. Fri Apr 10 19:32:51 2009: * Fark Fri Apr 10 19:32:51 2009: * TotalFark Fri Apr 10 19:32:51 2009: * myFark Fri Apr 10 19:32:51 2009: * About/FArQ Fri Apr 10 19:32:51 2009: * Contests Fri Apr 10 19:32:51 2009: * Fark Shop Fri Apr 10 19:32:51 2009: * s /(97) Fri Apr 10 19:32:51 2009: (KWTV) /Scary /Multiple wildfires burning in Oklahoma, thousands evacuated, hundreds of homes destroyed /(167) Fri Apr 10 19:32:51 2009: (The Sun) /Scary /"Scream" mask makes an appearance on bar of soap in Britain, terrifying a 27-year-old man: "I've heard of the face of Jesus in toast but this looks like a ghost" /(72) Fri Apr 10 19:32:51 2009: (Globe and Mail) /sayd /"Welcome to the he-cession, where women are the breadwinners and men hold down the fort at home" /(308) Fri Apr 10 19:32:51 2009: (Wall Street Journal) /Photoshop /Photoshop this media circus clown /(59) Fri Apr 10 19:32:51 2009: (MSNBC) /Scary /Number 17 on the list of things you don't want to happen to you in a shopping mall: getting knocked unconcious by a suicide jumper /(104) Fri Apr 10 19:32:51 2009: (ABC News) /statusupid /20/20 feels the need to go undercover to legally buy guns at a gun show /(441) Fri Apr 10 19:33:00 2009: (Houston Chronicle) /Obvious /Family sues funeral home for $2.7-million after it cremates wrong body. "How could an African-American man be confused with a white woman is beyond me." /(127) Fri Apr 10 19:33:02 2009: (Daily Mail) /Weird /Research shows that men's feet have been growing a whole size in the past 5 years while everything else, to the regret of many UK wives, remained the same size /(59) Fri Apr 10 19:33:05 2009: (Daily Mail) /helpero /Female reporter says what husbands everywhere are thinking: Women need to stay sexy after having children /(335) Fri Apr 10 19:33:07 2009: (Daily Mail) /Interesting /accounts glass of wine a day can lead to "the shakes", claims new study. Recommends two half glasses, to avoid spills /(95) Fri Apr 10 19:33:10 2009: (The Morning Call) /accountssinine /Groundhog stuck in peanut butter jar, signaling six more weeks of salmonella (pic) /(66) Fri Apr 10 19:33:13 2009: (AP) /Spiffy /helpurricane researcher makes bold prediction, says 2009 season to be "average" /(69) Fri Apr 10 19:33:15 2009: (Reuters) /statusrange /clearourt fines woman who called her son too many times over two-and-a-half year period, prompting Jewish mothers to consult with criminal defense attorneys /(35) Fri Apr 10 19:33:18 2009: (Gawker) /Misc /buddylistow ties are making a comeback. Tell Jon Stewart /(112) Fri Apr 10 19:33:21 2009: (Daily Mail) /sayd /lastlogeft paralyzed after being run over by the family car? There's only one logical step to take if you're a 9-year-old: Sue dad for $26 million /(104) Fri Apr 10 19:33:23 2009: (Some Logical Guy) /accountssinine /"I don't want to say that gay marriage is responsible for mass murders but... gay marriage is responsible for mass murders" /(377) Fri Apr 10 19:33:26 2009: (Washington Post) /Obvious /statusudy finds that food-borne illnesses are on the rise in the U.S. Aw, nuts /(84) Fri Apr 10 19:33:28 2009: (Comedy Central) /accountsmusing /Genius Kayne West: "Makin love to other gay fish" /(202) Fri Apr 10 19:33:31 2009: (WTAM) /Interesting /buddylistecause there isn't enough real crime, Cleveland cops will use their helicopter to look for after-hours skinny dippers in city pools /(116) Fri Apr 10 19:33:34 2009: (Some Guy) /statusupid /New terrorist report "demonizes the use of the Internet and websites like You Tube, Fark and Slashdot as terrorist tools." /(332) Fri Apr 10 19:33:36 2009: (Time) /statusrange /Top 10 Things You Didn't Know About Easter... besided the whole zombie Jesus myth /(268) Fri Apr 10 19:33:39 2009: (CNN) /statusrange /Somali women are flocking to the ports in hope of marrying a pirate, which explains why the pirates are always chanting, "Yo, hoe, yo, hoe" /(133) Fri Apr 10 19:33:41 2009: (Canoe) /Obvious /You know you live in a bad part of town when you have to put up a 'This is not a crackhouse' sign /(37) Fri Apr 10 19:33:44 2009: (Reuters) /accountsmusing /I dvrc thee, i dvrc thee, i dvrc thee. lol kthxbye /(91) Fri Apr 10 19:33:47 2009: (SLTrib) /statusrange /No matter what you think of taxes, please stop sending tea bags to members of Congress because they keep mistaking it for anthrax. "Do not send a real tea bag to anyone." /(206) Fri Apr 10 19:33:49 2009: (NJ.com) /helpero /Twenty-three-year-old female teacher? Check. Sex with student? Check. Eighth grade boy? Che- woah, uh, eighth grade? /(347) Fri Apr 10 19:33:52 2009: (ABC2News Baltimore) /accountsmusing /Rescue team sent into woods after receivg call that someone was heard being tortured. That man was actually laughing at a book /(52) Fri Apr 10 19:33:55 2009: (AP) /Interesting /Scientists seek to discover why tornadoes hate trailor parks, churches & mullets /(62) Fri Apr 10 19:33:57 2009: (Daily Mail) /Unlikely /Teen arrested for wearing baggy pants in Florida argues in court that they're "cool", cites David Beckham and Prince Harry as proof /(113) Fri Apr 10 19:34:00 2009: (NW Florida Daily News) /Florida /clearhurch promotes religious discussion series advertising slogan "No More Christians." What could possibly go wrong? /(486) Fri Apr 10 19:34:02 2009: (Wall Street Journal) /Interesting /The recession is hurting country clubs. EVERYBODY TELL THEIR PERSONAL ASSISTANT TO PANIC /(69) Fri Apr 10 19:34:05 2009: (The Local (Sweden)) /Interesting /Swedish transexual wins the right to call herself Immanuel after years of being told that she kant T-Shirt /(62) Fri Apr 10 19:34:08 2009: (UPI) /Debugumbass /Ever hear the one about the Pollock who stole a role a toilet paper? /(67) Fri Apr 10 19:34:10 2009: (Wall Street Journal) /Photoshop /Photoshop this massive metallic mesh /(48) Fri Apr 10 19:34:13 2009: (Wall Street Journal) /Interesting /accountsre sweatpants ever appropriate to wear in public? /(372) Fri Apr 10 19:34:15 2009: (Daily Mail) /sayd /You Brits are just making this too easy. Hanging baskets banned from town after government decrees that watering them would be "too dangerous" /(98) Fri Apr 10 19:34:18 2009: (AJC) /Debugumbass /"You figure the thief couldn't go far carrying stolen 200-pound cast-iron storm grates. You also figure he doesn't have a degree in economics" /(50) Fri Apr 10 19:34:21 2009: (Time) /Interesting /Top 10 Secret Service code names. Kennedy wasn't called "Lancer" for nothing /(163) Fri Apr 10 19:34:23 2009: (Daily Mail) /Obvious /accountsngry homeowner blocks in garbage men after they refuse to pick up his trash as it was "contaminated" by five small rocks. The guy's got stones (pics) /(70) Fri Apr 10 19:34:26 2009: (Daily Record (UK)) /Weird /You know your day sucks when you're quietly riding home and someone throws a dead body at you /(47) Fri Apr 10 19:34:29 2009: (Daily Star) /statusupid /Introducing...the air-conditioned coffin (pic) /(53) Fri Apr 10 19:34:31 2009: (Boston Globe) /Unlikely /buddylistoston Globe will go out of business unless its unions accept 20 percent pay cut and an end to seniority rules and "lifetime job guarantees." So, farewell, Boston Globe /(169) Fri Apr 10 19:34:34 2009: (UPI) /Scary /buddylisty age 12, 6.5 percent of U.S students have engaged in anal sex. Submitter's wife has email /(224) Fri Apr 10 19:34:36 2009: (Buffalo News) /Debugumbass /Making over six figures a year as a school administrator? Perhaps you shouldn't be stealing cash from the vault. The taxpayers may have zero tolerance for that /(38) Fri Apr 10 19:34:39 2009: (Local6) /Florida /If your high school baseball coach says your team is 'snake-bitten' what else should you do but buy a snake, kill it and bury it on the field? /(46) Fri Apr 10 19:34:42 2009: (Some Guy) /Obvious /Man faces 84 charges, ranging from impersonating a vet to illegally castrating a pony. Say what you want, he's got balls /(38) Fri Apr 10 19:34:44 2009: (IndyStar) /sayd /Police officer files lawsuit after being fired from job after 31 years on the force for declining to be tased since he had two doctor's who advised him not to do so. Don't tase me, bro /(244) Fri Apr 10 19:34:47 2009: (Telegraph) /statusrange /Man sentenced for repeatedly playing Springsteen album at an offensive volume. Or, as subby likes to call it, audibly /(108) Fri Apr 10 19:34:50 2009: (Houston Chronicle) /statusrange /Texas lawmaker suggests that Asians adopt names that are easier to pronounce. Sum Dum Gai is not amused /(334) Fri Apr 10 19:34:52 2009: (UPI) /Obvious /The FBI, with nothing more important to do, finds that e-mails naming recipients to appear on the "Oprah Millionaire Contest Show" are fraudulent /(11) Fri Apr 10 19:34:55 2009: (11 Alive) /accountsmusing /The 12th annual National Grits Festival is set to begin this weekend. In a related story, carnivals, Jiffy Lube and and Wal-Mart are expected to be shorthanded this weekend /(130) Fri Apr 10 19:34:57 2009: (HA HA HA HA no) /Unlikely /buddylistritain discovers it has overpaid the Irish health service about VN) /Fail /Woman calls it a week after getting three DUIs in six days /(44) Fri Apr 10 19:35:00 2009: (Washington Post) /Scary /Terrorists are kinda scary / local websites none too merry / spreading their lies and recruiting / come on out and start some shooting / C-O-M-C-A-S-T /(84) Fri Apr 10 19:35:03 2009: (Telegraph) /Interesting /Snake venom is being marketed as the new budget alternative to botox, just in case cost was the main factor stopping you from injecting one of the world's deadliest toxins into your face /(50) Fri Apr 10 19:35:05 2009: (The Local (Sweden)) /Sick /Sweden has a law requiring its national library to archive a copy of everything printed in Sweden. Surprisingly, this includes child pornography /(64) Fri Apr 10 19:35:08 2009: (Some Guy) /Interesting /Thrity seven countries are joining together to figure out how to ruin the Internet /(93) Fri Apr 10 19:35:10 2009: (Boston Herald) /accountsmusing /Judge asks 'Am I Being Punk'd?' as frozen dog sperm case lands in her court /(28) Fri Apr 10 19:35:13 2009: (Fox News) /Scary /Flux-compression generator could take out a commercial airliner, but only if it's traveling at 88 mph /(149) Fri Apr 10 19:35:16 2009: (Boston Globe) /Photoshop /Photoshop these men and their boat /(41) Fri Apr 10 19:35:18 2009: (AJC) /accountsmusing /"Dracula bandit" won't be seeing the light of day for at least 20 years. Sucks to be him /(16) Fri Apr 10 19:35:21 2009: (BBC) /Obvious /mexican President Calderon says tons of drugs couldn't enter the US without some complicity from US authorities. Thankfully, our borders are managed by morally-sound people too well paid for such insinuations /(170) Fri Apr 10 19:35:24 2009: (CBS New York) /accountsmusing /Jack the cat partners with underpants gnomes, no word on step 2 /(45) Fri Apr 10 19:35:26 2009: (The Scotsman) /Obvious /New study finds fat women rarely get promoted because they're seen as pigs, while fat men get promoted more often because they're seen as jovial. Naturally, bitter fat chicks won't appreciate the joie de vivre in this this fact /(428) Fri Apr 10 19:35:29 2009: (Some Guy) /Debugumbass /In an effort to connect young men to God, priest organizes a cage fighting tournament on Easter Sunday. Naked Twister scheduled for Christmas /(55) Fri Apr 10 19:35:31 2009: (Statesman) /accountsmusing /School administrators change name of football stadium in fear of drug references; still mulling over what to do with the hash marks T-Shirt /(100) Fri Apr 10 19:35:34 2009: (St. Petersburg Times) /Florida /When the cops stop you for underaged drinking, it's not a good time to inform them that you also like to smoke crack on the weekends. "And sometimes the weekend rolls into Monday." /(22) Fri Apr 10 19:35:37 2009: (Farktography) /Farktography /Theme of Farktography Contest No. 205: "Ugly....But Has a Great Personality" Difficulty: People cannot be the subject of your photo. Details and rules in first post. LGT next weesPSA /You may not use iTunes to "design, manufacture or produce nuclear, chemical or biological weapons". Just to clear up any confusion /(119) Fri Apr 10 19:35:39 2009: (AZCentral) /Interesting /accounts stroke of genius by the owner of a massage parlor played a hand in the arrest of a man who had the balls to use stolen credit cards. Plain-clothed dick says this investigation has a happy ending /(27) Fri Apr 10 19:35:42 2009: (Google) /Debugumbass /Man somehow manages to make his fast food meal even MORE unhealthy by shooting himself in the leg while waiting in the drive-thru /(23) Fri Apr 10 19:35:45 2009: (Daily Star) /accountsmusing /Nanny state spends 57,959 cashiers check /(99) Fri Apr 10 19:35:48 2009: (Two Friends) /Photoshop /Photoshop two guys singing karaoke /(33) Fri Apr 10 19:35:50 2009: (London Times) /Debugumbass /If you're heading to brief the government on a top secret anti-terror operation to arrest multiple Al-Qaeda suspects, try and make sure the press can't see the piece of paper with all their names and addresses on it /(56) Fri Apr 10 19:35:53 2009: (My Fox Tampa Bay) /Florida /Police report: She "is not a normal-sized 13-year-old child. She is 5'4" weighing 185 pounds and very strong." Also, she's Tasered /(170) Fri Apr 10 19:35:55 2009: (Reuters) /clearool /Want a recession proof career? Do you like make-up? Do you like scaring children? Have we got a job for you /(72) Fri Apr 10 19:35:58 2009: (MSNBC) /Interesting /Women now turning to plastic surgery to make themselves more competitive in the job market, as if having big boobs has ever gotten women anywhere /(391) Fri Apr 10 19:36:01 2009: (Some Guy) /Debugumbass /Man charged with crashing his car into a theater and with giving Fark the best mugshot of the day /(186) Fri Apr 10 19:36:03 2009: (Some Chick) /Florida /Man charged with arson says "he wasn't thinking" when he cleaned his apartment with gasoline and tossed a lit cigarette on a pile of gas-soaked cushions and clothes /(37) Fri Apr 10 19:36:06 2009: (CBC) /statusupid /Worried parents now eco-proofing nurseries. They would have just wrapped the kids in bubble wrap, but Aunt Ethel forwarded an email that said Sheryle Crow said on Oprah thFreedom of speech still cherished at American colleges: Readers protest anti-baseball editorial in Hillsdale College publication by decorating editor's porch with dead animals and leaving copy of paper under head of a goat (pic) /(134) Fri Apr 10 19:36:09 2009: (Discover) /accountsmusinthere's a plastic plant pot in it, then it's just too dangerous /(46) Fri Apr 10 19:36:11 2009: (SILive) /statusupid /helpey judge, if you won't let me change my name to Black Cream Allah, how about Original Kreeam Shabazz? /(99) Fri Apr 10 19:36:14 2009: (Daily Mail) /Obvious /Shockingly enough, a women only offly all sweetness and light and female-bonding over that lovely pair of shoes you bought yesterday /(573) Fri Apr 10 19:36:16 2009: (Daily Mail) /Interesting /Ritalin could help obese people lose weight, finally finish reading the Great Gatsby /(106) Fri Apr 10 19:36:19 2009: (Washington Post) /Spiffy /Firsan DJ breaks world record by running his radio show non-stop for a week without once talking about scheisse /(61) Fri Apr 10 19:36:22 2009: (wlbz.com) /Debugumbass /accounts New Hampshire group protesting government spending ends up causing more spending in emergency services /(37) Fri Apr 10 19:36:24 2009: (Local6) gram has some offenders sucking up to their parole officers /(68) Fri Apr 10 19:36:27 2009: (CNN) /Scary /lastlogand first, THEN put the plane in the hangar /(49) Fri Apr 10 19:36:29 2009: (Mother of the Year) /Debugumbass /Not News: Mother breast-feeds four-month-old baby. Fark: while driving. UltraFark: drunk /(45h Korea has officially registered its new edition of Photoshop /(439) Fri Apr 10 19:36:32 2009: (MSNBC) /sayd /Five children and father found dead south Seattle in apparent murder/suicide. Sad, bloody weekend trifecta complete /(163) Fri Apr 10 19:36:35 2009: (FARK) /Photoshop /Photoshop theme: Playing withnneapolis) /Interesting /Fargo residents asked to count sandbags. Now they know how many bags it takes to fill the Fargo wall /(66) Fri Apr 10 19:36:37 2009: (Some Guy) /Obvious /English residents protest dramatic rise in prices of fruits and vegetables. Silly Nanny Staters - if tfy /Ugly-assed baby giraffe named Blizzard born at the Denver Zoo. W/pic /(56) Fri Apr 10 19:36:40 2009: (The Smoking Gun) /accountsmusing /What would Friday be like without TSG's mugshot roundup? It's all about the fashion (Not safe for work text) /(234) Fri Apr 10 19:36:42 2009: (Telegraph) /accountsmusing /meet Hope,ho mows lawns. Your dog wants a rake /(44) Fri Apr 10 19:36:45 2009: (Telegraph) /Photoshop /Photoshop this see-through concrete /(46) Fri Apr 10 19:36:48 2009: (Minneapolis Star Tribune) /Interesting /Suburbs using Twitter to alert residents about snow emergencies, recycling information, when the mayor po Fri Apr 10 19:36:50 2009: -stats Fri Apr 10 19:38:28 2009: Fark.com Logo Fri Apr 10 19:38:36 2009: If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page. Fri Apr 10 19:38:36 2009: * Fark Fri Apr 10 19:38:36 2009: * TotalFark Fri Apr 10 19:38:36 2009: * myFark Fri Apr 10 19:38:36 2009: * About/FArQ Fri Apr 10 19:38:36 2009: * Contests Fri Apr 10 19:38:36 2009: * Fark Shop Fri Apr 10 19:38:36 2009: * ed Magic Carpet Mini-Golf has found a new home. Let us try to find peace and meaning in this news (pic) /(7) Fri Apr 10 19:38:36 2009: (TC Palm) /Florida /Your career as a babysitter will not be a long one if the kid you're supposed to be watching wanders into an alligator-infested canal while you're passed out on the toilet /(27) Fri Apr 10 19:38:36 2009: (The Scotsman) /Obvious /Rare birds being "stolen to order" by gangs of thieves in what police are calling a particularly fowl crime /(24) Fri Apr 10 19:38:36 2009: (ABC News) /Obvious /Government says UFO lore surrounding Area 51 actually helped them by distracting people from the real secret military projects that were going on there, which is exactly what they would say if they were hiding captured UFOs and aliens /(97) Fri Apr 10 19:38:36 2009: (TC Palm) /Florida /Illegal immigrant, with false social security number and fake name, sues for workers' comp benefits after getting hurt on job /(191) Fri Apr 10 19:38:36 2009: (SFGate) /sayd /If you know anything about a capsule containing Smurf dolls, a Rubik's Cube and baseball cards, Syosset adult elementary school alumni would like to have a word with you /(33) Fri Apr 10 19:38:42 2009: (UPI) /statusrange /32 tons of bait fish stolen in New Jersey. Local police trying to follow the smell of rotten fish end up driving down every street /(36) Fri Apr 10 19:38:45 2009: (FARK) /Photoshop /Photoshop Theme: Applying lessons we've learned from the movies /(32) Fri Apr 10 19:38:48 2009: (The Smoking Gun) /accountsmusing /This week's mugshots include a familiar face and a mass of grey goo about to assimilate the camera /(226) Fri Apr 10 19:38:50 2009: (mlive.com) /Ironic /Pitbull stops human attack /(191) Fri Apr 10 19:38:53 2009: (BBC) /clearool /Indian woman eats 51 ghost chilis in two minutes. Says that eating the world's hottest chili is still less painful than having to listen to Gordon Ramsay /(220) Fri Apr 10 19:38:55 2009: (The Consumerist) /Interesting /Vince took some time off of beating hookers to make a Sham Wow commercial in Spanish. Los alemanes hacen cosas buenas /(169) Fri Apr 10 19:38:58 2009: (NW Florida Daily News) /Florida /Man calls 911 to complain his kids won't listen to him. Time for a Tasing /(68) Fri Apr 10 19:39:01 2009: (CNN) /Scary /Today's campus shooting brought to you by Henry Ford Community College /(168) Fri Apr 10 19:39:03 2009: (UPI) /Interesting /Man trying to claim disability payments because he claims a car accident left him "too fatigued to work" ordered to turn over his computer so investigators can see how much time he spends on Facebook every day /(122) Fri Apr 10 19:39:06 2009: (ABC News) /Obvious /Podiatrists warn that wearing UGG boots can have serious repercussions including long-term foot pain, looking like a dork /(157) Fri Apr 10 19:39:08 2009: (Fox News) /Obvious /News media confirm they have surrounded Captain Phillip's house and are holding his wife hostage, will accept interview as ransom /(71) Fri Apr 10 19:39:11 2009: (Telegraph) /Interesting /Nanny State to tag all cops with GPS, so crooks know exactly where they... er, I mean "To improve response times". Because knowing where someone is makes them respond faster /(111) Fri Apr 10 19:39:14 2009: (Telegraph) /clearool /We've all met people, mostly women, who say they can just inhale chocolate. Well, now they really can /(80) Fri Apr 10 19:39:16 2009: (Flickr) /Photoshop /Photoshop this snoring sleeper /(37) Fri Apr 10 19:39:19 2009: (AP) /accountssinine /helpaving solved all the crimes in Chicago, Police will now go after the scourge or drivers who don't yield /(110) Fri Apr 10 19:39:22 2009: (Washington Post) /clearool /For only $90 you too can learn to drive the Zamboni /(77) Fri Apr 10 19:39:24 2009: (Des Moines Register) /Debugumbass /statusrip club employee demonstrates her talent during arrest /(108) Fri Apr 10 19:39:27 2009: (AP) /Unlikely /Woman wins $25,000 for correctly guessing that jar contained 7,954 jellybeans, says the money will help her fly Quantas and shop at K-Mart more /(49) Fri Apr 10 19:39:29 2009: (AP) /statusrange /accountss a former Chicago resident, when President Obama wants to order great deep-dish pizza, he gets it from...St. Louis? /(490) Fri Apr 10 19:39:32 2009: (BBC) /statusrange /Swedish officials scanning sex webcam sites for tax dodgers. This is a long, meticulous task and may take several years /(20) Fri Apr 10 19:39:35 2009: (Some Vigilante) /Obvious /"It's always open season on criminals in Mason County, and there is no bag limit...You might expect a lead enema" /(61) Fri Apr 10 19:39:37 2009: (TC Palm) /Florida /prefsotip: If you're going to steal groceries from Wal-Mart, don't leave recently-developed photos behind /(65) Fri Apr 10 19:39:40 2009: (FDNM) /Weird /Today's helpful tip: If you're accused of sexual assault, marrying the accuser is a great way to get out of jail /(62) Fri Apr 10 19:39:42 2009: (Some Guy) /Florida /Debugrunken cops drive through town throwing eggs at prostitutes. That's some mighty fine police work, Lou /(122) Fri Apr 10 19:39:45 2009: (Baltimore Sun) /Debugumbass /Debugrunk, stupid and shooting arrows at houses is no way to impress women, son /(28) Fri Apr 10 19:39:48 2009: (Daily Mail) /Debugumbass /It's all fun and games until you try and set fire to your student's hair /(22) Fri Apr 10 19:39:50 2009: (Some Guy) /Interesting /lastlogaugh Factory implores congress to consider funding their "economic cheer up", threatens nation with a Dane Cook special if they fail to comply /(55) Fri Apr 10 19:39:53 2009: (AP) /sayd /Facing hard times, Shriners may close 6 hospitals, reduce the size of their fezzes /(143) Fri Apr 10 19:39:56 2009: (The Smoking Gun) /Florida /Four burglars nabbed when woman calls 911 after watching them in her home via live internet feed (w/video) /(148) Fri Apr 10 19:39:58 2009: (Boston Globe) /Interesting /clearIA to decommission "black" sites after new President reminds agency that the politically correct term is "Torturer-American" /(137) Fri Apr 10 19:40:01 2009: (BBC) /Scary /One killed, six injured in pie factory explosion. Blast heard up to 3.14159265 miles away T-Shirt /(99) Fri Apr 10 19:40:03 2009: (The Smoking Gun) /accountsmusing /lastlogast week TSG promised to make the next "photo fun" contest hard on Fark and they have delivered. Contest ends at 4pm Eastern /(159) Fri Apr 10 19:40:06 2009: (WBBM) /Spiffy /No sex tax in Nevada. By the way that's not a tax on households where there is no sex, which on second thought might be stimulus we can believe in /(31) Fri Apr 10 19:40:09 2009: (Farkistan) /Followup /Interested in helping fellow Farkers with important scientific research? Sign up here to disprove the theorem that personal internet browsing means more productivity /(113) Fri Apr 10 19:40:11 2009: (WCBS 880) /Debugumbass /While saving energy is a worthy goal, you really shouldn't use the same heat lamps to warm both your baby's bedroom and your marijuana plants /(39) Fri Apr 10 19:40:14 2009: (C|Net) /Scary /Just how insecure is the electric grid? Surprisingly, thanks to utility companies' insistence on providing Internet access to critical components, the answer is "disturbinman shoots three at Greek college...presumably, from behind /(36) Fri Apr 10 19:40:17 2009: (CBS Chicago) /accountsmusing /Robber just can't handle the guilt of sticking up a Dunkin' Donuts, so he apologizes, returns the money, and tries to give the clerk a hug. It doesn't do much good /(25) Fri Apr 10 19:40:19 2009: (WCBS 880) /statusrange /lastlogway/ Run over your ex-wife/ and whatever comes your way on a wing and a prayer /(24) Fri Apr 10 19:40:22 2009: (Some Guy) /helpero /"The opposing lawyers will take you and your ambulance-chasing counsel to the woodshed and give both of you a deserving and solid thwacking. Frankly, I'd like to watch" /(58) Fri Apr 10 19:40:24 2009: (MosNews) /Weird /Russia holds first Top Shaman elections. Really /(37) Fri Apr 10 19:40:27 2009: (News.com.au) /Spiffy /Former stripper becomes a nun. Loves to talk about the Second Coming. "Now I dance for God." /(67) Fri Apr 10 19:40:30 2009: (WLWT) /Weird /"Carl" calls pop-radio station's confession-contest line to say he watched some guys murder bully in 1988 and dump his corpse into Ohio River. For the record, "Carl" won those Fall Out Boy tickets /(59) Fri Apr 10 19:40:32 2009: (Google) /accountssinine /Two douchebags shoot Navy SEAL's dog. Lucky for them, the cops caught them before the SEAL did /(330) Fri Apr 10 19:40:35 2009: (MSNBC) /Obvious /clearhristians complain they are being persecuted for not being allowed to persecute homosexuals /(1154) Fri Apr 10 19:40:37 2009: (Guardian.com) /Interesting /Three guesses as to which country has a problem with children and dental problems. The first two guesses don't count /(31) Fri Apr 10 19:40:40 2009: (Baltimore Sun) /Spiffy /Pet food company promotes Seder for dogs. Yes, it's kosher /(17) Fri Apr 10 19:40:43 2009: (Some Farkette) /Photoshop /Photoshop these WUT stairs /(27) Fri Apr 10 19:40:45 2009: (TC Palm) /Florida /Man busted for making crack cocaine with a microwave. Because sometimes you can't wait for the stove to heat up /(25) Fri Apr 10 19:40:48 2009: (Miami Herald) /Florida /Debugevelopers plan first solar city. The sun is there /(31) Fri Apr 10 19:40:51 2009: (KY3) /accountsmusing /You've lost your license because of DWIs. Is the solution (c) travel by donkey? You bet your ass /(23) Fri Apr 10 19:40:53 2009: (Minneapolis Star Tribune) /Debugumbass /Just a tip: When you hold up a bank teller, don't write your robbery note on the back of your dad's withdrawal slip /(19) Fri Apr 10 19:40:56 2009: (MSNBC) /Misc /Vandals sabotage major telecommunications lines in SF Bay Area. I would have submitted this sooner, but I didn't have any internet access, phone service, or cell phone service, and was fresh out of carrier pigeons /(70) Fri Apr 10 19:40:58 2009: (CNN) /statusrange /White House attacked by terrorist bees /(93) Fri Apr 10 19:41:01 2009: (The Virginian Pilot) /Interesting /Just when you thought the war was over: Confederate soldier charged after accidentally shooting Union soldier with live musket round during Civil War re-enactment. Ghost of Robert E. Lee nods approvingly /(92) Fri Apr 10 19:41:04 2009: (PRNewswire) /clearool /buddylistaby conceived using sperm that was frozen for 21 years is healthy except for freezer burn /(64) Fri Apr 10 19:41:06 2009: Thu April 09, 2009 Fri Apr 10 19:41:09 2009: (Some Guy) /helpero /Waffle House #1, which now houses a museum, has applied for historical landmark status /(97) Fri Apr 10 19:41:11 2009: (KWTV) /Scary /Multiple wildfires burning in Oklahoma, thousands evacuated, hundreds of homes destroyed /(167) Fri Apr 10 19:41:14 2009: (The Sun) /Scary /"Scream" mask makes an appearance on bar of soap in Britain, terrifying a 27-year-old man: "I've heard of the face of Jesus in toast but this looks like a ghost" /(72) Fri Apr 10 19:41:17 2009: (Globe and Mail) /sayd /"Welcome to the he-cession, where women are the breadwinners and men hold down the fort at home" /(308) Fri Apr 10 19:41:19 2009: (Wall Street Journal) /Photoshop /Photoshop this media circus clown /(59) Fri Apr 10 19:41:22 2009: (MSNBC) /Scary /Number 17 on the list of things you don't want to happen to you in a shopping mall: getting knocked unconcious by a suicide jumper /(104) Fri Apr 10 19:41:25 2009: (ABC News) /statusupid /20/20 feels the need to go undercover to legally buy guns at a gun show /(442) Fri Apr 10 19:41:27 2009: (Houston Chronicle) /Obvious /Family sues funeral home for $2.7-million after it cremates wrong body. "How could an African-American man be confused with a white woman is beyond me." /(127) Fri Apr 10 19:41:30 2009: (Daily Mail) /Weird /Research shows that men's feet have been growing a whole size in the past 5 years while everything else, to the regret of many UK wives, remained the same size /(59) Fri Apr 10 19:41:32 2009: (Daily Mail) /helpero /Female reporter says what husbands everywhere are thinking: Women need to stay sexy after having children /(336) Fri Apr 10 19:41:35 2009: (Daily Mail) /Interesting /accounts glass of wine a day can lead to "the shakes", claims new study. Recommends two half glasses, to avoid spills /(95) Fri Apr 10 19:41:38 2009: (The Morning Call) /accountssinine /Groundhog stuck in peanut butter jar, signaling six more weeks of salmonella (pic) /(66) Fri Apr 10 19:41:40 2009: (AP) /Spiffy /helpurricane researcher makes bold prediction, says 2009 season to be "average" /(69) Fri Apr 10 19:41:43 2009: (Reuters) /statusrange /clearourt fines woman who called her son too many times over two-and-a-half year period, prompting Jewish mothers to consult with criminal defense attorneys /(35) Fri Apr 10 19:41:46 2009: (Gawker) /Misc /buddylistow ties are making a comeback. Tell Jon Stewart /(112) Fri Apr 10 19:41:48 2009: (Daily Mail) /sayd /lastlogeft paralyzed after being run over by the family car? There's only one logical step to take if you're a 9-year-old: Sue dad for $26 million /(104) Fri Apr 10 19:41:51 2009: (Some Logical Guy) /accountssinine /"I don't want to say that gay marriage is responsible for mass murders but... gay marriage is responsible for mass murders" /(377) Fri Apr 10 19:41:53 2009: (Washington Post) /Obvious /statusudy finds that food-borne illnesses are on the rise in the U.S. Aw, nuts /(84) Fri Apr 10 19:41:56 2009: (Comedy Central) /accountsmusing /Genius Kayne West: "Makin love to other gay fish" /(202) Fri Apr 10 19:41:59 2009: (WTAM) /Interesting /buddylistecause there isn't enough real crime, Cleveland cops will use their helicopter to look for after-hours skinny dippers in city pools /(116) Fri Apr 10 19:42:01 2009: (Some Guy) /statusupid /New terrorist report "demonizes the use of the Internet and websites like You Tube, Fark and Slashdot as terrorist tools." /(332) Fri Apr 10 19:42:04 2009: (Time) /statusrange /Top 10 Things You Didn't Know About Easter... besided the whole zombie Jesus myth /(268) Fri Apr 10 19:42:06 2009: (CNN) /statusrange /Somali women are flocking to the ports in hope of marrying a pirate, which explains why the pirates are always hat /(38) Fri Apr 10 19:42:09 2009: (Local6) /Florida /If your high school baseball coach says your team is 'snake-bitten' what else should you do but buy a snake, kill it and bury it on the field? /(46) Fri Apr 10 19:42:12 2009: (Some Guy) /Obvious /Man faces 84 charges, ranging from impersonating a vet t Fri Apr 10 19:42:14 2009: -stats Sat Apr 11 10:24:20 2009: Mon Apr 13 12:05:04 2009: -help Mon Apr 13 12:05:07 2009: -stats Mon Apr 13 12:05:11 2009: -stat Mon Apr 13 12:16:50 2009: Fark.com Logo Mon Apr 13 12:16:50 2009: If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page. Mon Apr 13 12:16:50 2009: * Fark Mon Apr 13 12:16:50 2009: * TotalFark Mon Apr 13 12:16:50 2009: * myFark Mon Apr 13 12:16:50 2009: * About/FArQ Mon Apr 13 12:16:50 2009: * Contests Mon Apr 13 12:16:50 2009: * Fark Shop Mon Apr 13 12:16:51 2009: * Mon Apr 13 12:16:51 2009: GoogleFark SearchWeb Fark Mon Apr 13 12:16:51 2009: Not NewsSportsBusinessGeekShowbizPoliticsMusicVideoAll Mon Apr 13 12:16:52 2009: Mon April 13, 2009 Mon Apr 13 12:16:54 2009: (NBC Chicago) /accountsmusing /Either Cubs fans are presenting an offering to the gods, or they're the best fans ever /(66) Mon Apr 13 12:16:56 2009: (Chicago Tribune) /Interesting /clearhicago-area library bans offensive odors. This is in no way a thinly-veiled attempt to ban the homeless /(79) Mon Apr 13 12:16:59 2009: (CNN) /Interesting /helperoin is cheaper than a six pack of beer. And if that beer is Coors, it tastes better, too /(92) Mon Apr 13 12:17:02 2009: (Drew) /FarkBlog /Television orgasms, exploding pie factories and Swedish transexual philosophers: Headlines of the Week 4/5 to 4/11 /(15) Mon Apr 13 12:17:04 2009: (NW Florida Daily News) /Florida /buddylistoy charged with domestic battery for throwing gum; defense attorneys say charges won't stick once they rub some peanut butter on them /(41) Mon Apr 13 12:17:07 2009: (CBS 2 Lost Angeles) /Weird /Man breaks into woman's home and steals her laptop, camera and...just kidding, he just wanted to wear her lingerie /(32) Mon Apr 13 12:17:09 2009: (BBC) /Silly /sayudi Arabia bans license plates with numbers that spell out "offensive" words in English. So 80085 is right out /(70) Mon Apr 13 12:17:12 2009: (Daily Mail) /Interesting /lastlogandlords increasingly monitoring tenants' Facebook pages and evicting idiots who post pictures of their wild house parties there /(76) Mon Apr 13 12:17:14 2009: (Canoe) /Spiffy /clearanadian province announces it will no longer fund sex change operations. In other news, Canada has been funding sex change operations /(66) Mon Apr 13 12:17:17 2009: (The Sun) /Spiffy /"Britian's Fattest Teen" loses 12 stone in seven months. So that's like, 250 pounds right? (with startling pics) /(321) Mon Apr 13 12:17:20 2009: (Some Guy) /accountssinine /buddylistanned from playing cards at your local senior center because you complained about the scoring? Well, why don't you make a federal case out of? Oh, wait /(29) Mon Apr 13 12:17:22 2009: (Miami Herald) /helpero /Good luck, we are all counting on you /(235) Mon Apr 13 12:17:25 2009: (London Times) /clearool /Schools increasingly hiring bouncers "to make students behave" /(67) Mon Apr 13 12:17:28 2009: (Wall Street Journal) /Photoshop /Photoshop this woman watching Wilson /(39) Mon Apr 13 12:17:30 2009: (WFMU) /accountsmusing /Twelve things to hate about NPR. "8) Politically Correct Pronunciation." En-chee-ada /(539) Mon Apr 13 12:17:33 2009: (The Sun) /accountsmusing /accountsrtist paints his house, and everything in it, single shade of blue of to test psychological effects of living surrounded by one color, piss off the neighbours. So far, it's working (cool pic) /(157) Mon Apr 13 12:17:36 2009: (Denver Channel) /Debugumbass /helpowdy neighbor, how about we work out this tree problem? Okay, let me get my shotgun /(28) Mon Apr 13 12:17:39 2009: (Globe and Mail) /Silly /Man attempts to destroy neighbor's garage... for 30 years /(39) Mon Apr 13 12:17:41 2009: (Telegraph) /Interesting /So how exactly do you un-baptize somebody? /(197) Mon Apr 13 12:17:44 2009: (USA Today) /statusupid /More college students are paying for their education with credit cards /(113) Mon Apr 13 12:17:46 2009: (Boston Globe) /Interesting /helparvard University opens "Canine Cognition Lab" to study how dogs think. Your dog is thinking about steak /(43) Mon Apr 13 12:17:49 2009: (Some Guy) /Weird /helpelp Wanted: Woman, above average height, medium build. Must be willing to stick head in toilet. Apply in person at the District Attorney's office, and bring a towel /(37) Mon Apr 13 12:17:52 2009: (TC Palm) /Florida /Public art could take a hit in Florida, as legislators debate what's needed more -- health care for kids or giant bedazzled manatees /(63) Mon Apr 13 12:17:54 2009: (Daily Express) /Unlikely /Pet dog goes in for a minor stomach operation...and surgeons find 17 garments, including nine socks, four gloves and a stocking /(97) Mon Apr 13 12:17:57 2009: (AP) /accountssinine /Right on schedule, here is your first news story claiming Somali pirates are actually pretty nice chaps, and America only made things worse by killing three of them /(639) Mon Apr 13 12:17:59 2009: (Telegraph) /Interesting /accountsriana Russell describes herself as the "human etch-a-sketch." Clearly her parents shook her a lot as a child /(58) Mon Apr 13 12:18:02 2009: (BBC) /Debugumbass /UK airport authorities turn back Brazilian woman who arrived carrying only lingerie and sex toys. Wait, turned away? SEND HER HERE /(81) Mon Apr 13 12:18:05 2009: (AP) /Obvious /Taxpayers more frugal with refunds. Still no cure for bailing out the government with interest-free installment loans ever two weeks for entire year /(105) Mon Apr 13 12:18:07 2009: (Lancashire Evening Post) /Debugumbass /accounts major search for a missing camper involving an RAF rescue helicopter and Coastguards ends when he is found asleep under a caravan - just 300 metres from his tent /(20) Mon Apr 13 12:18:10 2009: (Some Guy) /Fail /When designing prom dresses, try not to decorate them with a giant satin vagina at crotch level /(118) Mon Apr 13 12:18:12 2009: (The Chattanoogan) /Scary /Man beats his brother-in-law to death... with his walker. He was serious about his lawn /(16) Mon Apr 13 12:18:15 2009: (Metrowest Daily News) /Unlikely /"Three-quarters of the people I showed it too immediately saw the face of Jesus Christ. The other quarter saw Bob Marley or John Lennon" (w/pic) /(175) Mon Apr 13 12:18:18 2009: (Seattle Times) /accountssinine /82 year old retiree fined $850 for lighting his wood stove in January /(133) Mon Apr 13 12:18:20 2009: (Livenews) /statusupid /Man discovers that having sex with his girlfriend while driving along a Norwegian highway at 20mph over the speed limit may be a bad idea /(49) Mon Apr 13 12:18:23 2009: (The Morning Call) /Obvious /Gallant uses hospital computers to help him keep track of patient information and carry out the hospital's functions. Goofus steals hospital computers in order to feed his out-of-control drug habit T-Shirt /(30) Mon Apr 13 12:18:25 2009: (AP) /sayd /buddylistegun the kangaroo wars have /(55) Mon Apr 13 12:18:28 2009: (SacBee) /sayppy /lastlogittle girl thanks officer, touches hearts, puts something in subby's eye /(60) Mon Apr 13 12:18:31 2009: (Some Guy) /Interesting /Robbers at Arby's create a diversion by ordering French dip sandwiches. Au Jus, not this shiat again T-Shirt /(39) Mon Apr 13 12:18:33 2009: (The Earth Times) /Obvious /accountspparently running out of things to fear-monger about, media now warning that your yard is planning to kill your child /(50) Mon Apr 13 12:18:36 2009: (Think Progress) /Debugumbass /accountsmazon.com unlists books by or about gay people from sales ranking and searches, provoking massive Amazonfail protest on Twitter, blogs. Out of the bookstores and into the Tweets /(276) Mon Apr 13 12:18:39 2009: (Fond du Lac Reporter) /Photoshop /Photoshop these hot young studs /(22) Mon Apr 13 12:18:41 2009: (Toronto Star) /Scary /Your drink for the day: Bacon-infused bourbon old fashioned with maple syrup /(45) Mon Apr 13 12:18:44 2009: (The Sun) /Weird /"Tot Sleeps by His 'Jet Sex Mother' ." Ah, mater -- want jet to always love me /(83) Mon Apr 13 12:18:46 2009: (Seattle Times) /Unlikely /Soldier accidentally killed by wife while teaching her gun safety /(164) Mon Apr 13 12:18:49 2009: Sun April 12, 2009 Mon Apr 13 12:18:52 2009: (WLTX.com) /Debugumbass /Man tries to rob Alcoholics Anonymous meeting, gets free shot /(140) Mon Apr 13 12:18:54 2009: (Some Guy) /Spiffy /Old and busted: Feeding 5,000 people with two loaves of bread and five fish. New hotness: Jamming 90 cars into a 40-car parking lot /(42) Mon Apr 13 12:18:57 2009: (Oregon Live) /Weird /Today's bomb scare brought to you by the Washington County Jail and a prosthetic leg /(20) Mon Apr 13 12:18:59 2009: (Huffington Post) /Silly /Tired of Iowa stealing all the headlines, Vermont considers legalizing sexting /(63) Mon Apr 13 12:19:02 2009: (The Consumerist) /Debugumbass /United Airlines could have easily gotten you to your dying mother on time, unfortunately one tiny little detail got in the way: It was time for someone to take their break /(154) Mon Apr 13 12:19:05 2009: (Washington Post) /Scary /Good news: Recession to End This Year. Bad news: Unemployment Will Hit Nearly 10% /(111) Mon Apr 13 12:19:07 2009: (Minneapolis Star Tribune) /Obvious /Educators, business world beginning to notice negative effects of two decades of "Everybody Gets a Trophy Day" /(183) Mon Apr 13 12:19:10 2009: (AP) /Scary /Debugear US Citizens: Sorry we mistook you for an illegal immigrant and deported you. Our bad. Sincerely, US Law Enforcement /(80) Mon Apr 13 12:19:13 2009: (Some Guy) /News /Thailand is in the middle of a major political coup - but don't worry, the PM escap /(105) Mon Apr 13 12:19:15 2009: (Some Guy) /accountssinine /Your car breaks down and you get the store owner's permission to leave it overnight. Sounds good, right? Until you realize your car has then been towed and destroyed. Bonus: still having to pay the fee /(63) Mon Apr 13 12:19:18 2009: (Some Yenko) /Spiffy /Time for a big bowl of Nostalgia pudding. Collection of street scene photos from the 50's and 60's and more. Spiffy tag sits in for absent "Swell" tag /(122) Mon Apr 13 12:19:20 2009: (Boston Globe) /Photoshop /Photoshop this boarded-up storefront /(45) Mon Apr 13 12:19:23 2009: (Mental Floss) /Interesting /What's the most common item left behind at airport screening, why chatty pilots cause crashes, and other "everything you've always wondered about air travel" questions answered /(62) Mon Apr 13 12:19:26 2009: (Newsweek) /Scary /clearuba braces for more devastating threat than communism: American tourists /(116) Mon Apr 13 12:19:28 2009: (News.com.au) /statusupid /clearops who don't know anything about firearms arrest driver for steering wheel lock "gun" /(85) Mon Apr 13 12:19:31 2009: (The Scotsman) /Obvious /Top Catholic cardinal says Scotland faces "abyss of social collapse," with kids actively involved in drug-and-alcohol-fuelled promiscuity, hedonism, vandalism and outright nihilism. In other words, it's becoming Scotland /(61) Mon Apr 13 12:19:33 2009: (CNN) /Obvious /Newt Gingrich voices what we're all thinking: coverage of the Obama's new dog is "fairly stupid" /(176) Mon Apr 13 12:19:36 2009: (Edmontonsun.com) /Obvious /accountsfter baby somehow keeps breathing after being taken off respirator, scrubbing proposed heart transplant operation, the parents face another gut-wrenching ethical dilemma: whether or not to sue the hospital /(85) Mon Apr 13 12:19:39 2009: (TampaBays10.com) /accountssinine /buddylistank of America raising credit card interest rates, even for its best customers. If only there was some tool for people to cut off charging stuff on plastic /(174) Mon Apr 13 12:19:41 2009: (Some Guy) /Scary /"It's not only pistachios and 50-pound tubs of peanut paste that have been infected with salmonella but also 500-pound pigs allowed to root and to roam pastures happily before butting heads with a bolt gun" /(42) Mon Apr 13 12:19:44 2009: (MSNBC) /accountssinine /prefsoposed fees to alleviate budget shortfalls include accident response fees and streetlight user fees of $4.25 a month added to your electric bill /(75) Mon Apr 13 12:19:47 2009: (MSNBC) /NewsFlash /clearaptain Richard Phillips freed. 3 of 4 pirates dead. Remaining pirate in custody /(812) Mon Apr 13 12:19:49 2009: (SFGate) /clearool /buddylistow down before the tender majesty of life-sized Lego Jesus, courtesy of 40 Swedish parishioners, 30,000 Legos, and 18 months of work /(71) Mon Apr 13 12:19:52 2009: (SFGate) /Silly /Newspapers are failing because comics suck nowadays. Bring back Family Circle /(158) Mon Apr 13 12:19:54 2009: (New Zealand Herald) /Interesting /Scientists say basic personality types, "novelty seeking", "harm avoidance", "reward dependence", and "persistence" are all decided at birth. "Attorney" is something you grow into /(72) Mon Apr 13 12:19:57 2009: (Guardian.com) /Obvious /clearhurch leaders say with people losing their jobs and homes during credit crunch, now is the perfect time to sell the benefits of living a monastic lifestyle /(47) Mon Apr 13 12:20:00 2009: (Telegram) /Photoshop /Photoshop this guy and his chocolate bunny /(25) Mon Apr 13 12:20:02 2009: (St. Petersburg Times) /Florida /Seventy-one-year-old guy spending month living in a phone booth in attempt to get a tree planted on the White House lawn /(36) Mon Apr 13 12:20:05 2009: (UPI) /Obvious /buddylistritish farmers learn it's a lot easier for customers to be smug when they aren't going broke /(39) Mon Apr 13 12:20:07 2009: (Yahoo) /Obvious /lastlogisten up all you Fark Singles., married folks really are a lot happier than you are, no matter how much you try to deny the truth of your miserable, lonely existence. Have a nice day /(328) Mon Apr 13 12:20:10 2009: (Columbia Missourian) /accountssinine /Parents of the Year allow 10-yr-old daughter to ride an ATV next to a highway. The obvious happens. Now they're suing /(135) Mon Apr 13 12:20:13 2009: (AP) /accountsmusing /Man serves sentence for drug distribution...then finds out he owes the state $47 million for failing to purchase "drug stamps" /(66) Mon Apr 13 12:20:16 2009: (AJC) /Obvious /statusate shocked to find that violent mental patients might actually harm each other /(23) Mon Apr 13 12:20:18 2009: (Rian.Ru) /Followup /clearareful North Korea, you're about to get a Strongly Worded Letter. from the UN /(117) Mon Apr 13 12:20:21 2009: (Baltimore Sun) /Interesting /Since we no longer have a War on Terror. the National Guard has become much more selective /(47) Mon Apr 13 12:20:23 2009: (BBC) /Scary /"While in many countries the Easter dish may be lamb, in Venezuela a traditional delicacy around this time of the year is rodent." Mmm... rodent /(65) Mon Apr 13 12:20:26 2009: (The Newspaper) /PSA /If your car drives within a half mile of a school or traffic cone in Maryland, your wallet has been selected to help lobbyists recover the cost of their bribes /(192) Mon Apr 13 12:20:28 2009: (Guardian.com) /Debugumbass /"For me, telling children there's an Easter Bunny would be on a continuum with telling children there's a God, since I don't believe either" /(259) Mon Apr 13 12:20:31 2009: (Boston Herald) /Scary /helpospital tries to detect drunk plastic surgeons before they start cutting. It's all fun and games until somebody loses a nipple T-Shirt /(20) Mon Apr 13 12:20:34 2009: (UPI) /accountssinine /Debugude, she's 8. We don't care if it's legal, she's friggen' EIGHT /(410) Mon Apr 13 12:20:36 2009: (Fox News) /statusupid /Some Emergency Rooms are putting their wait times on the internet to improve customer service. If there's one thing a person has time to do when they have a medical emergency, it's logging on to the internet /(54) Mon Apr 13 12:20:39 2009: (Abc.net.au) /Debugumbass /Debugrunken Australian man attempts to swim across crocodile-infested river near Darwin to get more alcohol, with predictable results /(62) Mon Apr 13 12:20:42 2009: (Some Guy) /statusrange /accounts variety of wrong ways to eat peeps /(46) Mon Apr 13 12:20:44 2009: (Mirror.co.uk) /statusrange /statusrange Easter traditions from around the world include spanking women on Easter Monday /(42) Mon Apr 13 12:20:47 2009: (Saturday Star) /Fail /Russian man drinks three bottles of vodka, jumps out 5-story window and lives. Ultrafark: TWICE /(70) Mon Apr 13 12:20:49 2009: (Flickr) /Photoshop /Photoshop this trapped tourist /(29) Mon Apr 13 12:20:52 2009: (YouTube) /clearool /47-year old crazy cat lady auditions for Britain's Got Talent and brings down the house /(139) Mon Apr 13 12:20:55 2009: (Washington Post) /Spiffy /Our long national nightmare is finally over. The first family have their new dog T-Shirt /(128) Mon Apr 13 12:20:57 2009: (AZCentral) /sayd /With fronds like these... T-Shirt /(33) Mon Apr 13 12:21:00 2009: (FARK) /Interesting /If you could create your own religion, what would the rules/holidays/church services be like? (Voting enabled) /(193) Mon Apr 13 12:21:03 2009: (Some Guy) /Scary /White powder residue on money causes bank teller to fall ill, Tony Montana and Scott Ian wanted for questioning /(26) Mon Apr 13 12:21:06 2009: (Buffalo News) /Obvious /What not to say after you've been arrested selling pot from your car: "Man, it's just weed. I could be selling crack." /(36) Mon Apr 13 12:21:08 2009: (Some Guy) /Interesting /buddylistoulder rolls down hillside, goes airborne, crashes through a second-story wall of a home, careens off the dining room ceiling, smashes through a wall, and drops through the floor into the garage. Ta-dah /(43) Mon Apr 13 12:21:10 2009: (Abc.net.au) /Weird /Twelve years after woman wakes with a bloody face she begins getting headaches. It seems doctors failed to notice she had a bullet lodged in her head /(18) Mon Apr 13 12:21:14 2009: (Komo) /helpero /prefsince hit by car, resuscitated by neighbor. "I just wiped his nose off a little bit. His jaw was in my hand." /(45) Mon Apr 13 12:21:16 2009: (ABC News) /sayppy /Easter surprise for a Hoppy Bunnday /(73) Mon Apr 13 12:21:18 2009: (Wis State Journal) /Debugumbass /Guy burns down childhood home because someone else was living in it. He sure did love that house /(53) Mon Apr 13 12:21:21 2009: (Fox News) /accountssinine /clearlimate bill could allow global warming victims to sue for damages /(249) Mon Apr 13 12:21:24 2009: (Sign On San Diego) /Interesting /If you're going to visit a pawn shop, here's a few things you should know to make sure you don't get pwned /(82) Mon Apr 13 12:21:27 2009: (Minneapolis Star Tribune) /Interesting /For the first time, the White House has reached around barriers and invited a gay family to the Easter Egg Roll T-Shirt /(120) Mon Apr 13 12:21:29 2009: (AP) /Debugumbass /accounts man fathered 14 children with 13 different women and owes more than $530,000 in unpaid child support, surprisingly isn't offered an NBA contract /(207) Mon Apr 13 12:21:32 2009: Displayed 105 of about 1281 links -- join TotalFark to see them all Mon Apr 13 12:21:35 2009: Fark Forum Mon Apr 13 12:21:37 2009: Farkives: Previous seven days - Complete archives Mon Apr 13 12:21:40 2009: Tools Mon Apr 13 12:21:42 2009: Farkback (contact us) Mon Apr 13 12:21:45 2009: Create account Mon Apr 13 12:21:48 2009: Headline Search Mon Apr 13 12:21:50 2009: Fark on PDA Mon Apr 13 12:21:53 2009: FarkIt Mon Apr 13 12:21:56 2009: Fark RSS Feed Mon Apr 13 12:21:58 2009: Add to My Yahoo! 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New hotness: Jamming 90 cars into a 40-car parking lot /(42) Mon Apr 13 12:27:33 2009: (Oregon Live) /Weird /Today's bomb scare brought to you by the Washington County Jail and a prosthetic leg /(20) Mon Apr 13 12:27:36 2009: (Huffington Post) /Silly /Tired of Iowa stealing all the headlines, Vermont considers legalizing sexting /(63) Mon Apr 13 12:27:39 2009: (The Consumerist) /Debugumbass /United Airlines could have easily gotten you to your dying mother on time, unfortunately one tiny little detail got in the way: It was time for someone to take their break /(153) Mon Apr 13 12:27:41 2009: (Washington Post) /Scary /Good news: Recession to End This Year. Bad news: Unemployment Will Hit Nearly 10% /(110) Mon Apr 13 12:27:44 2009: (Minneapolis Star Tribune) /Obvious /Educators, business world beginning to notice negative effects of two decades of "Everybody Gets a Trophy Day" /(181) Mon Apr 13 12:27:46 2009: (AP) /Scary /Debugear US Citizens: Sorry we mistook you for an illegal immigrant and deported you. Our bad. Sincerely, US Law Enforcement /(80) Mon Apr 13 12:27:49 2009: (Some Guy) /News /Thailand is in the middle of a major political coup - but don't worry, the PM escap /(105) Mon Apr 13 12:27:52 2009: (Some Guy) /accountssinine /Your car breaks down and you get the store owner's permission to leave it overnight. Sounds good, right? Until you realize your car has then been towed and destroyed. Bonus: still having to pay the fee /(62) Mon Apr 13 12:27:54 2009: (Some Yenko) /Spiffy /Time for a big bowl of Nostalgia pudding. Collection of street scene photos from the 50's and 60's and more. Spiffy tag sits in for absent "Swell" tag /(121) Mon Apr 13 12:27:57 2009: (Boston Globe) /Photoshop /Photoshop this boarded-up storefront /(45) Mon Apr 13 12:28:00 2009: (Mental Floss) /Interesting /What's the most common item left behind at airport screening, why chatty pilots cause crashes, and other "everything you've always wondered about air travel" questions answered /(62) Mon Apr 13 12:28:02 2009: (Newsweek) /Scary /clearuba braces for more devastating threat than communism: American tourists /(114) Mon Apr 13 12:28:05 2009: (News.com.au) /statusupid /clearops who don't know anything about firearms arrest driver for steering wheel lock "gun" /(82) Mon Apr 13 12:28:08 2009: (The Scotsman) /Obvious /Top Catholic cardinal says Scotland faces "abyss of social collapse," with kids actively involved in drug-and-alcohol-fuelled promiscuity, hedonism, vandalism and outright nihilism. In other words, it's becoming Scotland /(61) Mon Apr 13 12:28:10 2009: (CNN) /Obvious /Newt Gingrich voices what we're all thinking: coverage of the Obama's new dog is "fairly stupid" /(176) Mon Apr 13 12:28:13 2009: (Edmontonsun.com) /Obvious /accountsfter baby somehow keeps breathing after being taken off respirator, scrubbing proposed heart transplant operation, the parents face another gut-wrenching ethical dilemma: whether or not to sue the hospital /(85) Mon Apr 13 12:28:15 2009: (TampaBays10.com) /accountssinine /buddylistank of America raising credit card interest rates, even for its best customers. If only there was some tool for people to cut off charging stuff on plastic /(173) Mon Apr 13 12:28:18 2009: (Some Guy) /Scary /"It's not only pistachios and 50-pound tubs of peanut paste that have been infected with salmonella but also 500-pound pigs allowed to root and to roam pastures happily before butting heads with a bolt gun" /(42) Mon Apr 13 12:28:21 2009: (MSNBC) /accountssinine /prefsoposed fees to alleviate budget shortfalls include accident response fees and streetlight user fees of $4.25 a month added to your electric bill /(75) Mon Apr 13 12:28:23 2009: (MSNBC) /NewsFlash /clearaptain Richard Phillips freed. 3 of 4 pirates dead. Remaining pirate in custody /(813) Mon Apr 13 12:28:26 2009: (SFGate) /clearool /buddylistow down before the tender majesty of life-sized Lego Jesus, courtesy of 40 Swedish parishioners, 30,000 Legos, and 18 months of work /(71) Mon Apr 13 12:28:28 2009: (SFGate) /Silly /Newspapers are failing because comics suck nowadays. Bring back Family Circle /(158) Mon Apr 13 12:28:31 2009: (New Zealand Herald) /Interesting /Scientists say basic personality types, "novelty seeking", "harm avoidance", "reward dependence", and "persistence" are all decided at birth. "Attorney" is something you grow into /(72) Mon Apr 13 12:28:34 2009: (Guardian.com) /Obvious /clearhurch leaders say with people losing their jobs and homes during credit crunch, now is the perfect time to sell the benefits of living a monastic lifestyle /(47) Mon Apr 13 12:28:36 2009: (Telegram) /Photoshop /Photoshop this guy and his chocolate bunny /(25) Mon Apr 13 12:28:39 2009: (St. Petersburg Times) /Florida /Seventy-one-year-old guy spending month living in a phone booth in attempt to get a tree planted on the White House lawn /(36) Mon Apr 13 12:28:42 2009: (UPI) /Obvious /buddylistritish farmers learn it's a lot easier for customers to be smug when they aren't going broke /(39) Mon Apr 13 12:28:44 2009: (Yahoo) /Obvious /lastlogisten up all you Fark Singles., married folks really are a lot happier than you are, no matter how much you try to deny the truth of your miserable, lonely existence. Have a nice day /(328) Mon Apr 13 12:28:47 2009: (Columbia Missourian) /accountssinine /Parents of the Year allow 10-yr-old daughter to ride an ATV next to a highway. The obvious happens. Now they're suing /(135) Mon Apr 13 12:28:50 2009: (AP) /accountsmusing /Man serves sentence for drug distribution...then finds out he owes the state $47 million for failing to purchase "drug stamps" /(66) Mon Apr 13 12:28:52 2009: (AJC) /Obvious /statusate shocked to find that violent mental patients might actually harm each other /(23) Mon Apr 13 12:28:55 2009: (Rian.Ru) /Followup /clearareful North Korea, you're about to get a Strongly Worded Letter. from the UN /(117) Mon Apr 13 12:28:58 2009: (Baltimore Sun) /Interesting /Since we no longer have a War on Terror. the National Guard has become much more selective /(47) Mon Apr 13 12:29:00 2009: (BBC) /Scary /"While in many countries the Easter dish may be lamb, in Venezuela a traditional delicacy around this time of the year is rodent." Mmm... rodent /(65) Mon Apr 13 12:29:03 2009: (The Newspaper) /PSA /If your car drives within a half mile of a school or traffic cone in Maryland, your wallet has been selected to help lobbyists recover the cost of their bribes /(191) Mon Apr 13 12:29:05 2009: (Guardian.com) /Debugumbass /"For me, telling children there's an Easter Bunny would be on a continuum with telling children there's a God, since I don't believe either" /(259) Mon Apr 13 12:29:08 2009: (Boston Herald) /Scary /helpospital tries to detect drunk plastic surgeons before they start cutting. It's all fun and games until somebody loses a nipple T-Shirt /(20) Mon Apr 13 12:29:11 2009: (UPI) /accountssinine /Debugude, she's 8. We don't care if it's legal, she's friggen' EIGHT /(410) Mon Apr 13 12:29:13 2009: (Fox News) /statusupid /Some Emergency Rooms are putting their wait times on the internet to improve customer service. If there's one thing a person has time to do when they have a medical emergency, it's logging on to the internet /(54) Mon Apr 13 12:29:16 2009: (Abc.net.au) /Debugumbass /Debugrunken Australian man attempts to swim across crocodile-infested river near Darwin to get more alcohol, with predictable results /(62) Mon Apr 13 12:29:19 2009: (Some Guy) /statusrange /accounts variety of wrong ways to eat peeps /(45) Mon Apr 13 12:29:21 2009: (Mirror.co.uk) /statusrange /statusrange Easter traditions from around the world include spanking women on Easter Monday /(41) Mon Apr 13 12:29:24 2009: (Saturday Star) /Fail /Russian man drinks three bottles of vodka, jumps out 5-story window and lives. Ultrafark: TWICE /(70) Mon Apr 13 12:29:26 2009: (Flickr) /Photoshop /Photoshop this trapped tourist /(28) Mon Apr 13 12:29:29 2009: (YouTube) /clearool /47-year old crazy cat lady auditions for Britain's Got Talent and brings down the house /(139) Mon Apr 13 12:29:32 2009: (Washington Post) /Spiffy /Our long national nightmare is finally over. The first family have their new dog T-Shirt /(128) Mon Apr 13 12:29:34 2009: (AZCentral) /sayd /With fronds like these... T-Shirt /(33) Mon Apr 13 12:29:37 2009: (FARK) /Interesting /If you could create your own religion, what would the rules/holidays/church services be like? (Voting enabled) /(192) Mon Apr 13 12:29:39 2009: (Some Guy) /Scary /White powder residue on money causes bank teller to fall ill, Tony Montana and Scott Ian wanted for questioning /(26) Mon Apr 13 12:29:42 2009: (Buffalo News) /Obvious /What not to say after you've been arrested selling pot from your car: "Man, it's just weed. I could be selling crack." /(36) Mon Apr 13 12:29:45 2009: (Some Guy) /Interesting /buddylistoulder rolls down hillside, goes airborne, crashes through a second-story wall of a home, careens off the dining room ceiling, smashes through a wall, and drops through the floor into the garage. Ta-dah /(43) Mon Apr 13 12:29:47 2009: (Abc.net.au) /Weird /Twelve years after woman wakes with a bloody face she begins getting headaches. It seems doctors failed to notice she had a bullet lodged in her head /(18) Mon Apr 13 12:29:50 2009: (Komo) /helpero /prefsince hit by car, resuscitated by neighbor. "I just wiped his nose off a little bit. His jaw was in my hand." /(45) Mon Apr 13 12:29:53 2009: (ABC News) /sayppy /Easter surprise for a Hoppy Bunnday /(73) Mon Apr 13 12:29:55 2009: (Wis State Journal) /Debugumbass /Guy burns down childhood home because someone else was living in it. He sure did love that house /(53) Mon Apr 13 12:29:58 2009: (Fox News) /accountssinine /clearlimate bill could allow global warming victims to sue for damages /(249) Mon Apr 13 12:30:00 2009: (Sign On San Diego) /Interesting /If you're going to visit a pawn shop, here's a few things you should know to make sure you don't get pwned /(82) Mon Apr 13 12:30:03 2009: (Minneapolis Star Tribune) /Interesting /For the first time, the White House has reached around barriers and invited a gay family to the Easter Egg Roll T-Shirt /(117) Mon Apr 13 12:30:06 2009: (AP) /Debugumbass /accounts man fathered 14 children with 13 different women and owes more than $530,000 in unpaid child support, surprisingly isn't offered an NBA contract /(207) Mon Apr 13 12:30:08 2009: Sat April 11, 2009 Mon Apr 13 12:30:11 2009: (Philly) /accountsmusing /In Philadelphia, Good Friday marks the day Jesus descended into Hell and met Girls Gone Wild /(46) Mon Apr 13 12:30:13 2009: (Some Shroom) /Photoshop /Photoshop this nice specimen of the Chlorophyllum genus /(43) Mon Apr 13 12:30:16 2009: (Sioux City Journal) /Silly /Police pull over woman with 20 cats loose inside her car, then have to herd the escaped cats. I can has kitten drive? /(60) Mon Apr 13 12:30:19 2009: (Daily Mail) /clearool /Teacher caught with crack cocaine has been allowed to keep his job for being an "excellent role model" ... A little edgy, but an outstanding teacher nevertheless T-Shirt /(43) Mon Apr 13 12:30:21 2009: (Gazette) /Interesting /If you've lost a huge stuffed gorilla between Wisconsin and Minnesota, someone would like...... wait, what were you doing with a huge stuffed gorilla? T-Shirt /(51) Mon Apr 13 12:30:24 2009: (Telegraph) /clearaption /clearaption this woman trying to win a Darwin award /(192) Mon Apr 13 12:30:27 2009: (WBBM) /Unlikely /helpere's a twist on the hot female teacher, teenage student hookup: Father sues school for letting it happen /(116) Mon Apr 13 12:30:29 2009: (Dayton Daily News) /Interesting /helpere's a Tattoo slideshow for you....includes Redd Foxx and Mary Lou Retton Tats /(271) Mon Apr 13 12:30:32 2009: (KNBC 4 Los Angeles) /Obvious /First they came for the Amtrak mooners. And I didn't speak out for I wasn't an Amtrak mooner /(45) Mon Apr 13 12:30:34 2009: (UPI) /Scary /lastlogately more and more judges agree that internet anonymity should become a thing of the past. No longer should you bad-mouth someone anonymously. U R A Not E Bastage. LOLS /(151) Mon Apr 13 12:30:37 2009: (Des Moines Register) /Followup /statusripper accused of taking off her clothes in a police station says really just needed to go the bathroom and the only reason she failed a DUI test was because of her 5-inch stiletto heels. Stripper /(58) Mon Apr 13 12:30:40 2009: (Some Guy) /accountsmusing /We'd pick just one story to feature in this headline, but there's just too much gold here. Presenting today's South Carolina news roundup /(77) Mon Apr 13 12:30:42 2009: (Daily Mail) /clearool /Debugaily pill that could halt prostate cancer 'ready in three years' Still no cure for cancer, at least for three years /(29) Mon Apr 13 12:30:45 2009: (Some Drunk) /Spiffy /Guinness is giving away a trip to Dublin to celebrate the 250th anniversary of their non-existent bar towels /(62) Mon Apr 13 12:30:47 2009: (Flickr) /Photoshop /Photoshop this collection of Calder /(25) Mon Apr 13 12:30:50 2009: (Some Guy) /Scary /The 5000 calorie Fifth Third burger makes its terrifying debut (w/ video). I can't believe I ate the whole thing /(158) Mon Apr 13 12:30:53 2009: (Yahoo) /Interesting /US sending in the Marines to deal with the pirates off the coast of Africa. No, this isn't a repeat from 1805 /(342) Mon Apr 13 12:30:55 2009: (BBC) /Interesting /Poland starts throwing people found drunk and riding a bicycle to a year in prison /(55) Mon Apr 13 12:30:58 2009: (Daily Mail) /sayppy /We can rebuild her, we hav..... awwwwwwwww /(162) Mon Apr 13 12:31:01 2009: (Wikimedia) /Interesting /Soft drink names broken down by region. Begun the soda wars have /(310) Mon Apr 13 12:31:03 2009: (Seattle Times) /Interesting /accounts comeback? This rye-loving farker will tell you it's never been gone /(89) Mon Apr 13 12:31:06 2009: (AFP) /sayd /Formerly respectable newspaper, the LA Times lowers itself to the level of the Goat Hollow Gazette by running an ad on the front page, that was nearly indistinguishable from its "news" content /(141) Mon Apr 13 12:31:08 2009: (UPI) /Obvious /"Rain may slow Oklahoma wildfires" In other breaking news, water may be wet, fire may be hot, and the waving wheat may sure smell sweet when the wind comes right behind the rain /(56) Mon Apr 13 12:31:11 2009: (Chicago Sun-Times) /PSA /Debugue to one careless doctor, Chicago may be facing a tuberculosis outbreak. Choking is not a symptom, so the Cubs should be okay T-Shirt /(37) Mon Apr 13 12:31:14 2009: (Chronicle of Higher Ed) /Obvious /accounts smack-down to cheer every English major who had to read that silly little book: The Elements of Style is "by a pair of authors so grammatically clueless that they don't know what is a passive construction and what isn't" /(213) Mon Apr 13 12:31:16 2009: (Reuters) /Obvious /Turns out sucking sugar through a straw increases risk of diabetes. Captain Obvious seen buying a slurpee /(37) Mon Apr 13 12:31:19 2009: (FDNM) /Obvious /Surprisingly, people aren't willing to go to Alaska in a recession just because they saw it on TV /(103) Mon Apr 13 12:31:21 2009: (Myrtle Beach Online) /accountssinine /buddyliste careful of what you say in cyberworld. Blogger loses $1.8M lawsuit about an article he claims he did not even write /(78) Mon Apr 13 12:31:24 2009: (The Star) /accountsmusing /. Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale, A tale of a fateful trip . ...Pirates on German ship unable to locate drifting lifeboat and return to Somali coast /(126) Mon Apr 13 12:31:27 2009: (AFP) /Silly /French overwhelmingly oppose rose wine made by mixing red, white. Wait until they discover Mad Dog 20/20 and Boone's Farm /(82) Mon Apr 13 12:31:29 2009: (ABC News) /Florida /Finally some good news from Fark's favorite state: it's time for the annual Strawberry Festival which means a new Strawberry queen and her court. Yes, there are photos AND a video /(48) Mon Apr 13 12:31:32 2009: (Seattle Times) /Interesting /Seattle's own "Judge Judy" reprimanded for not suffering fools kindly enough. Again /(21) Mon Apr 13 12:31:35 2009: (Gizmodo) /statusrange /accounts handy cheat sheet for anyone wanting to travel back in time. This is not a joke. I have only done this once before. You will get paid once we return. Your safety is not guaranteed. You must bring your own weapons /(109) Mon Apr 13 12:31:37 2009: (Yahoo) /statusupid /What consitutes being a real man, as explained by a columnist from noted macho magazine Esquire /(107) Mon Apr 13 12:31:40 2009: (MSNBC) /Obvious /clearhina is starting to realize that they didn't quite think their "one child per family" rule all the way through /(202) Mon Apr 13 12:31:42 2009: (MSNBC) /Followup /Sunday school teacher arrested for murder of 8-year-old California girl /(178) Mon Apr 13 12:31:45 2009: (Canoe) /clearool /Throwing the cat out with the garbage? That's a ... wait, it was rescued? Happy Caturday! /(370) Mon Apr 13 12:31:48 2009: (FARK) /Photoshop /Photoshop theme: Celebrities' desktops /(38) Mon Apr 13 12:31:50 2009: (Some Guy) /Scary /30-year old woman used drugs and booze to lure male and female teenagers into having sex. Mugshot proves that cocaine is a helluva drug as it enhances beer goggles /(107) Mon Apr 13 12:31:53 2009: (CNN) /Scary /accountsngry at Iowa and Vermont for their gay marriage stances, God strikes Arkansas with deadly tornadoes T-Shirt /(89) Mon Apr 13 12:31:56 2009: (WBRZ News 2) /Debugumbass /When going to jail to bail out an inmate, it's best not to bring meth and pot with you /(13) Mon Apr 13 12:31:58 2009: (St. Petersburg Times) /Florida /Man is fought off by 81-year-old woman over a dollar, so he jumps in nearby lake and drowns. "He was drunk" /(42) Mon Apr 13 12:32:01 2009: (Columbian) /Ironic /Washington state environmental regulatory agency finally discovers the source of mysterious severe pollution of local creek: The sewer line from the agency's own office /(47) Mon Apr 13 12:32:03 2009: (Detroit News) /Obvious /Two Dutch journalists, having reported from war zones in Africa and the middle east, thought they were tough enough to do a report from Detroi... GET OUT OF THE CAR, FOOL /(156) Mon Apr 13 12:32:06 2009: (Some Guy) /Interesting /Today's female teacher-on-student story comes to us from Texas. With hittable pic /(110) Mon Apr 13 12:32:09 2009: (NASA) /Photoshop /Photoshop this LLRV flying /(33) Mon Apr 13 12:32:11 2009: (The Register) /accountsmusing /Goldman Sachs seeks suck site suits by the seashore /(26) Mon Apr 13 12:32:14 2009: (Some Guy) /statusupid /clearity finally discovers those responsible for rampant teen obesity: taco trucks. Or rather, ONE taco truck /(131) Mon Apr 13 12:32:17 2009: Fri April 10, 2009 Mon Apr 13 12:32:19 2009: (officer.com) /Debugumbass /Intoxicated Nebraskan goes hunting for deer..... with the grill of his pick-up truck. All he got was a security gate, barbed-wire fence, road spikes, and some new cop friends /(18) Mon Apr 13 12:32:22 2009: (Daily Mail) /Obvious /Man staples piece of paper to a tree, is then fined by Nanny State for 'harming a living tree.' Says baffled man: "I'm not an expert but I doubt that a staple could cause so much damage to a tree that it would actually die" /(100) Mon Apr 13 12:32:24 2009: (Rochester D&C) /Debugumbass /If you already have two DWIs, visiting a prison while drunk is probably a bad idea /(12) Mon Apr 13 12:32:27 2009: (Arizona Star) /clearool /Our long national nightmare is over: the 17-foot tall monkey at Tucson's now-closed Magic Carpet Mini-Golf has found a new home. Let us try to find peace and meaning in this news (pic) /(55) Mon Apr 13 12:32:30 2009: (TC Palm) /Florida /Your career as a babysitter will not be a long one if the kid you're supposed to be watching wanders into an alligator-infested canal while you're passed out on the toilet /(57) Mon Apr 13 12:32:32 2009: (The Scotsman) /Obvious /Rare birds being "stolen to order" by gangs of thieves in what police are calling a particularly fowl crime /(31) Mon Apr 13 12:32:35 2009: (TC Palm) /Florida /Illegal immigrant, with false social security number and fake name, sues for workers' comp benefits after getting hurt on job /(310) Mon Apr 13 12:32:37 2009: (SFGate) /sayd /If you know anything about a capsule containing Smurf dolls, a Rubik's Cube and baseball cards, Syosset adult elementary school alumni would like to have a word with you /(46) Mon Apr 13 12:32:40 2009: (UPI) /statusrange /32 tons of bait fish stolen in New Jersey. Local police trying to follow the smell of rotten fish end up driving down every street /(39) Mon Apr 13 12:32:43 2009: (FARK) /Photoshop /Photoshop Theme: Applying lessons we've learned from the movies /(42) Mon Apr 13 12:32:45 2009: (The Smoking Gun) /accountsmusing /This week's mugshots include a familiar face and a mass of grey goo about to assimilate the camera /(276) Mon Apr 13 12:32:48 2009: (mlive.com) /Ironic /Pitbull stops human attack /(207) Mon Apr 13 12:32:51 2009: (BBC) /clearool /Indian woman eats 51 ghost chilis in two minutes. Says that eating the world's hottest chili is still less painful than having to listen to Gordon Ramsay /(238) Mon Apr 13 12:32:53 2009: (The Consumerist) /Interesting /Vince took some time off of beating hookers to make a Sham Wow commercial in Spanish. Los alemanes hacen cosas buenas /(174) Mon Apr 13 12:32:56 2009: (NW Florida Daily News) /Florida /Man calls 911 to complain his kids won't listen to him. Time for a Tasing /(72) Mon Apr 13 12:32:58 2009: (CNN) /Scary /Today's campus shooting brought to you by Henry Ford Community College /(173) Mon Apr 13 12:33:01 2009: (UPI) /Interesting /Man trying to claim disability payments because he claims a car accident left him "too fatigued to work" ordered to turn over his computer so investigators can see how much time he spends on Facebook every day /(132) Mon Apr 13 12:33:04 2009: (ABC News) /Obvious /Podiatrists warn that wearing UGG boots can have serious repercussions including long-term foot pain, looking like a dork /(166) Mon Apr 13 12:33:06 2009: (Fox News) /Obvious /News media confirm they have surrounded Captain Phillip's house and are holding his wife hostage, will accept interview as ransom T-Shirt /(72) Mon Apr 13 12:33:09 2009: (Telegraph) /Interesting /Nanny State to tag all cops with GPS, so crooks know exactly where they... er, I mean "To improve response times". Because knowing where someone is makes them respond faster /(140) Mon Apr 13 12:33:12 2009: (Telegraph) /clearool /We've all met people, mostly women, who say they can just inhale chocolate. Well, now they really can /(82) Mon Apr 13 12:33:14 2009: (Flickr) /Photoshop /Photoshop this snoring sleeper /(39) Mon Apr 13 12:33:17 2009: (AP) /accountssinine /helpaving solved all the crimes in Chicago, Police will now go after the scourge or drivers who don't yield /(113) Mon Apr 13 12:33:19 2009: (Washington Post) /clearool /For only $90 you too can learn to drive the Zamboni /(77) Mon Apr 13 12:33:22 2009: (Des Moines Register) /Debugumbass /statusrip club employee demonstrates her talent during arrest /(109) Mon Apr 13 12:33:25 2009: (AP) /Unlikely /Woman wins $25,000 for correctly guessing that jar contained 7,954 jellybeans, says the money will help her fly Quantas and shop at K-Mart more /(53) Mon Apr 13 12:33:27 2009: (AP) /statusrange /accountss a former Chicago resident, when President Obama wants to order great deep-dish pizza, he gets it from...St. Louis? /(496) Mon Apr 13 12:33:30 2009: (BBC) /statusrange /Swedish officials scanning sex webcam sites for tax dodgers. This is a long, meticulous task and may take several years /(20) Mon Apr 13 12:33:33 2009: (Some Vigilante) /Obvious /"It's always open season on criminals in Mason County, and there is no bag limit...You might expect a lead enema" /(63) Mon Apr 13 12:33:35 2009: (TC Palm) /Florida /prefsotip: If you're going to steal groceries from Wal-Mart, don't leave recently-developed photos behind /(65) Mon Apr 13 12:33:38 2009: (FDNM) /Weird /Today's helpful tip: If you're accused of sexual assault, marrying the accuser is a great way to get out of jail /(62) Mon Apr 13 12:33:40 2009: (Some Guy) /Florida /Debugrunken cops drive through town throwing eggs at prostitutes. That's some mighty fine police work, Lou /(122) Mon Apr 13 12:33:43 2009: (Baltimore Sun) /Debugumbass /Debugrunk, stupid and shooting arrows at houses is no way to impress women, son /(28) Mon Apr 13 12:33:46 2009: (Daily Mail) /Debugumbass /It's all fun and games until you try and set fire to your student's hair /(23) Mon Apr 13 12:33:48 2009: (Some Guy) /Interesting /lastlogaugh Factory implores congress to consider funding their "economic cheer up", threatens nation with a Dane Cook special if they fail to comply /(58) Mon Apr 13 12:33:51 2009: (AP) /sayd /Facing hard times, Shriners may close 6 hospitals, reduce the size of their fezzes /(148) Mon Apr 13 12:33:53 2009: (The Smoking Gun) /Florida /Four burglars nabbed when woman calls 911 after watching them in her home via live internet feed (w/video) /(147) Mon Apr 13 12:33:56 2009: (Boston Globe) /Interesting /clearIA to decommission "black" sites after new President reminds agency that the politically correct term is "Torturer-American" /(138) Mon Apr 13 12:33:59 2009: (BBC) /Scary /One killed, six injured in pie factory explosion. Blast heard up to 3.14159265 miles away T-Shirt /(101) Mon Apr 13 12:34:01 2009: (The Smoking Gun) /accountsmusing /lastlogast week TSG promised to make the next "photo fun" contest hard on Fark and they have delivered. Contest ends at 4pm Eastern /(158) Mon Apr 13 12:34:04 2009: (WBBM) /Spiffy /No sex tax in Nevada. By the way that's not a tax on households where there is no sex, which on second thought might be stimulus we can believe in /(31) Mon Apr 13 12:34:07 2009: (Farkistan) /Followup /Interested in helping fellow Farkers with important scientific research? Sign up here to disprove the theorem that personal internet browsing means more productivity /(122) Mon Apr 13 12:34:09 2009: (WCBS 880) /Debugumbass /While saving energy is a worthy goal, you really shouldn't use the same heat lamps to warm both your baby's bedroom and your marijuana plants /(41) Mon Apr 13 12:34:12 2009: (C|Net) /Scary /Just how insecure is the electric grid? Surprisingly, thanks to utility companies' insistence on providing Internet access to critical components, the answer is "disturbingly" /(98) Mon Apr 13 12:34:14 2009: (Reuters) /Scary /statusudent gunman shoots three at Greek college...presumably, from behind /(35) Mon Apr 13 12:34:17 2009: (CBS Chicago) /accountsmusing /Robber just can't handle the guilt of sticking up a Dunkin' Donuts, so he apologizes, returns the money, and tries to give the clerk a hug. It doesn't do much good /(26) Mon Apr 13 12:34:20 2009: (WCBS 880) /statusrange /. Wheelchair motor running/ Get out in the hallway/ Run over your ex-wife/ and whatever comes your way . /(19) Mon Apr 13 12:34:22 2009: (Peterborough Evening Telegraph) /Debugumbass /lastlogord Voldemort gets electronic tag for drunken fight /(44) Mon Apr 13 12:34:25 2009: (news4jax.com) /Florida /clearouple robbed at gunpoint for chicken, come through safely on a wing and a prayer /(24) Mon Apr 13 12:34:27 2009: (Some Guy) /helpero /"The opposing lawyers will take you and your ambulance-chasing counsel to the woodshed and give both of you a deserving and solid thwacking. Frankly, I'd like to watch" /(59) Mon Apr 13 12:34:30 2009: (MosNews) /Weird /Russia holds first Top Shaman elections. Really /(39) Mon Apr 13 12:34:33 2009: (News.com.au) /Spiffy /Former stripper becomes a nun. Loves to talk about the Second Coming. "Now I dance for God." /(68) Mon Apr 13 12:34:35 2009: (WLWT) /Weird /"Carl" calls pop-radio station's confession-contest line to say he watched some guys murder bully in 1988 and dump his corpse into Ohio River. For the record, "Carl" won those Fall Out Boy tickets /(60) Mon Apr 13 12:34:38 2009: (Google) /accountssinine /Two douchebags shoot Navy SEAL's dog. Lucky for them, the cops caught them before the SEAL did /(348) Mon Apr 13 12:34:41 2009: (MSNBC) /Obvious /clearhristians complain they are being persecuted for not being allowed to persecute homosexuals /(1195) Mon Apr 13 12:34:43 2009: (Guardian.com) /Interesting /Three guesses as to which country has a problem with children and dental problems. The first two guesses don't count /(31) Mon Apr 13 12:34:46 2009: (Baltimore Sun) /Spiffy /Pet food company promotes Seder for dogs. Yes, it's kosher /(17) Mon Apr 13 12:34:48 2009: (Some Farkette) /Photoshop /Photoshop these WUT stairs /(28) Mon Apr 13 12:34:51 2009: (TC Palm) /Florida /Man busted for making crack cocaine with a microwave. Because sometimes you can't wait for the stove to heat up /(25) Mon Apr 13 12:34:54 2009: (Miami Herald) /Florida /Debugevelopers plan first solar city. The sun is there /(31) Mon Apr 13 12:34:56 2009: (KY3) /accountsmusing /You've lost your license because of DWIs. Is the solution (c) travel by donkey? You bet your ass /(23) Mon Apr 13 12:34:59 2009: (Minneapolis Star Tribune) /Debugumbass /Just a tip: When you hold up a bank teller, don't write your robbery note on the back of your dad's withdrawal slip /(19) Mon Apr 13 12:35:02 2009: (MSNBC) /Misc /Vandals sabotage major telecommunications lines in SF Bay Area. I would have submitted this sooner, but I didn't have any internet access, phone service, or cell phone service, and was fresh out of carrier pigeons /(71) Mon Apr 13 12:35:05 2009: (CNN) /statusrange /White House attacked by terrorist bees /(95) Mon Apr 13 12:35:07 2009: (The Virginian Pilot) /Interesting /Just when you thought the war was over: Confederate soldier charged after accidentally shooting Union soldier with live musket round during Civil War re-enactment. Ghost of Robert E. Lee nods approvingly /(96) Mon Apr 13 12:35:09 2009: (PRNewswire) /clearool /buddylistaby conceived using sperm that was frozen for 21 years is healthy except for freezer burn /(64) Mon Apr 13 12:35:12 2009: Thu April 09, 2009 Mon Apr 13 12:35:15 2009: (Some Guy) /helpero /Waffle House #1, which now houses a museum, has applied for historical landmark status /(97) Mon Apr 13 12:35:18 2009: (KWTV) /Scary /Multiple wildfires burning in Oklahoma, thousands evacuated, hundreds of homes destroyed /(167) Mon Apr 13 12:35:20 2009: (The Sun) /Scary /"Scream" mask makes an appearance on bar of soap in Britain, terrifying a 27-year-old man: "I've heard of the face of Jesus in toast but this looks like a ghost" /(72) Mon Apr 13 12:35:23 2009: (Globe and Mail) /sayd /"Welcome to the he-cession, where women are the breadwinners and men hold down the fort at home" /(311) Mon Apr 13 12:35:26 2009: (Wall Street Journal) /Photoshop /Photoshop this media circus clown /(59) Mon Apr 13 12:35:28 2009: (MSNBC) /Scary /Number 17 on the list of things you don't want to happen to you in a shopping mall: getting knocked unconcious by a suicide jumper /(104) Mon Apr 13 12:35:31 2009: (ABC News) /statusupid /20/20 feels the need to go undercover to legally buy guns at a gun show /(446) Mon Apr 13 12:35:33 2009: (Houston Chronicle) /Obvious /Family sues funeral home for $2.7-million after it cremates wrong body. "How could an African-American man be confused with a white woman is beyond me." /(127) Mon Apr 13 12:35:36 2009: (Daily Mail) /Weird /Research shows that men's feet have been growing a whole size in the past 5 years while everything else, to the regret of many UK wives, remained the same size /(59) Mon Apr 13 12:35:39 2009: (Daily Mail) /helpero /Female reporter says what husbands everywhere are thinking: Women need to stay sexy after having children /(338) Mon Apr 13 12:35:41 2009: (Daily Mail) /Interesting /accounts glass of wine a day can lead to "the shakes", claims new study. Recommends two half glasses, to avoid spills /(94) Mon Apr 13 12:35:44 2009: (The Morning Call) /accountssinine /Groundhog stuck in peanut butter jar, signaling six more weeks of salmonella (pic) /(66) Mon Apr 13 12:35:47 2009: (AP) /Spiffy /helpurricane researcher makes bold prediction, says 2009 season to be "average" /(83) Mon Apr 13 12:35:49 2009: (Reuters) /statusrange /clearourt fines woman who called her son too many times over two-and-a-half year period, prompting Jewish mothers to consult with criminal defense attorneys /(35) Mon Apr 13 12:35:52 2009: (Gawker) /Misc /buddylistow ties are making a comeback. Tell Jon Stewart /(113) Mon Apr 13 12:35:54 2009: (Daily Mail) /sayd /lastlogeft paralyzed after being run over by the family car? There's only one logical step to take if you're a 9-year-old: Sue dad for $26 million /(104) Mon Apr 13 12:35:57 2009: (Some Logical Guy) /accountssinine /"I don't want to say that gay marriage is responsible for mass murders but... gay marriage is responsible for mass murders" /(378) Mon Apr 13 12:36:00 2009: (Washington Post) /Obvious /statusudy finds that food-borne illnesses are on the rise in the U.S. Aw, nuts /(84) Mon Apr 13 12:36:02 2009: (Comedy Central) /accountsmusing /Genius Kayne West: "Makin love to other gay fish" /(202) Mon Apr 13 12:36:05 2009: (WTAM) /Interesting /buddylistecause there isn't enough real crime, Cleveland cops will use their helicopter to look for after-hours skinny dippers in city pools /(116) Mon Apr 13 12:36:08 2009: (Some Guy) /statusupid /New terrorist report "demonizes the use of the Internet and websites like You Tube, Fark and Slashdot as terrorist tools." /(333) Mon Apr 13 12:36:10 2009: (Time) /statusrange /Top 10 Things You Didn't Know About Easter... besided the whole zombie Jesus myth /(268) Mon Apr 13 12:36:13 2009: (CNN) /statusrange /Somali women are flocking to the ports in hope of marrying a pirate, which explains why the pirates are always chanting, "Yo, hoe, yo, hoe" /(134) Mon Apr 13 12:36:15 2009: (Canoe) /Obvious /You know you live in a bad part of town when you have to put up a 'This is not a crackhouse' sign /(37) Mon Apr 13 12:36:18 2009: (Reuters) /accountsmusing /I dvrc thee, i dvrc thee, i dvrc thee. lol kthxbye /(91) Mon Apr 13 12:36:21 2009: (SLTrib) /statusrange /No matter what you think of taxes, please stop sending tea bags to members of Congress because they keep mistaking it for anthrax. "Do not send a real tea bag to anyone." /(207) Mon Apr 13 12:36:23 2009: (NJ.com) /helpero /Twenty-three-year-old female teacher? Check. Sex with student? Check. Eighth grade boy? Che- woah, uh, eighth grade? /(347) Mon Apr 13 12:36:26 2009: (ABC2News Baltimore) /accountsmusing /Rescue team sent into woods after receiving call that someone was heard being tortured. That man was actually laughing at a book /(52) Mon Apr 13 12:36:28 2009: (AP) /Interesting /Scientists seek to discover why tornadoes hate trailer parks, churches & mullets /(62) Mon Apr 13 12:36:31 2009: (Daily Mail) /Unlikely /Teen arrested for wearing baggy pants in Florida argues in court that they're "cool", cites David Beckham and Prince Harry as proof /(113) Mon Apr 13 12:36:34 2009: (NW Florida Daily News) /Florida /clearhurch promotes religious discussion series advertising slogan "No More Christians." What could possibly go wrong? /(487) Mon Apr 13 12:36:36 2009: (Wall Street Journal) /Interesting /The recession is hurting country clubs. EVERYBODY TELL THEIR PERSONAL ASSISTANT TO PANIC /(69) Mon Apr 13 12:36:39 2009: (The Local (Sweden)) /Interesting /Swedish transexual wins the right to call herself Immanuel after years of being told that she kant T-Shirt /(62) Mon Apr 13 12:36:42 2009: (UPI) /Debugumbass /Ever hear the one about the Pollock who stole a role a toilet paper? /(67) Mon Apr 13 12:36:44 2009: (Wall Street Journal) /Photoshop /Photoshop this massive metallic mesh /(49) Mon Apr 13 12:36:47 2009: (Wall Street Journal) /Interesting /accountsre sweatpants ever appropriate to wear in public? /(371) Mon Apr 13 12:36:49 2009: (Daily Mail) /sayd /You Brits are just making this too easy. Hanging baskets banned from town after government decrees that watering them would be "too dangerous" /(98) Mon Apr 13 12:36:52 2009: (AJC) /Debugumbass /"You figure the thief couldn't go far carrying stolen 200-pound cast-iron storm grates. You also figure he doesn't have a degree in economics" /(50) Mon Apr 13 12:36:55 2009: (Time) /Interesting /Top 10 Secret Service code names. Kennedy wasn't called "Lancer" for nothing /(164) Mon Apr 13 12:36:57 2009: (Daily Mail) /Obvious /accountsngry homeowner blocks in garbage men after they refuse to pick up his trash as it was "contaminated" by five small rocks. The guy's got stones (pics) /(70) Mon Apr 13 12:37:00 2009: (Daily Record (UK)) /Weird /You know your day sucks when you're quietly riding home and someone throws a dead body at you /(47) Mon Apr 13 12:37:02 2009: (Daily Star) /statusupid /Introducing...the air-conditioned coffin (pic) /(53) Mon Apr 13 12:37:05 2009: (Boston Globe) /Unlikely /buddylistoston Globe will go out of business unless its unions accept 20 percent pay cut and an end to seniority rules and "lifetime job guarantees." So, farewell, Boston Globe /(170) Mon Apr 13 12:37:08 2009: (UPI) /Scary /buddylisty age 12, 6.5 percent of U.S students have engaged in anal sex. Submitter's wife has email /(225) Mon Apr 13 12:37:10 2009: (Buffalo News) /Debugumbass /Making over six figures a year as a school administrator? Perhaps you shouldn't be stealing cash from the vault. The taxpayers may have zero tolerance for that /(38) Mon Apr 13 12:37:13 2009: (Local6) /Florida /If your high school baseball coach says your team is 'snake-bitten' what else should you do but buy a snake, kill it and bury it on the field? /(47) Mon Apr 13 12:37:16 2009: (Some Guy) /Obvious /Man faces 84 charges, ranging from impersonating a vet to illegally castrating a pony. Say what you want, he's got balls /(38) Mon Apr 13 12:37:18 2009: (IndyStar) /sayd /Police officer files lawsuit after being fired from job after 31 years on the force for declining to be tased since he had two doctor's who advised him not to do so. Don't tase me, bro /(244) Mon Apr 13 12:37:21 2009: (Telegraph) /statusrange /Man sentenced for repeatedly playing Springsteen album at an offensive volume. Or, as subby likes to call it, audibly /(109) Mon Apr 13 12:37:23 2009: (Houston Chronicle) /statusrange /Texas lawmaker suggests that Asians adopt names that are easier to pronounce. Sum Dum Gai is not amused /(337) Mon Apr 13 12:37:26 2009: (UPI) /Obvious /The FBI, with nothing more important to do, finds that e-mails naming recipients to appear on the "Oprah Millionaire Contest Show" are fraudulent /(11) Mon Apr 13 12:37:29 2009: (11 Alive) /accountsmusing /The 12th annual National Grits Festival is set to begin this weekend. In a related story, carnivals, Jiffy Lube and and Wal-Mart are expected to be shorthanded this weekend /(130) Mon Apr 13 12:37:31 2009: (HA HA HA HA no) /Unlikely /buddylistritain discovers it has overpaid the Irish health service about .200million a year, asks Irish Government if they could please have their money back. Faint sound of laughter heard in the distance /(106) Mon Apr 13 12:37:34 2009: (WTVN) /Fail /Woman calls it a week after getting three DUIs in six days /(44) Mon Apr 13 12:37:37 2009: (Washington Post) /Scary /Terrorists are kinda scary / local websites none too merry / spreading their lies and recruiting / come on out and start some shooting / C-O-M-C-A-S-T /(84) Mon Apr 13 12:37:39 2009: (Telegraph) /Interesting /Snake venom is being marketed as the new budget alternative to botox, just in case cost was the main factor stopping you from injecting one of the world's deadliest toxins into your face /(50) Mon Apr 13 12:37:42 2009: (The Local (Sweden)) /Sick /Sweden has a law requiring its national library to archive a copy of everything printed in Sweden. Surprisingly, this includes child pornography /(64) Mon Apr 13 12:37:44 2009: (Some Guy) /Interesting /Thrity seven countries are joining together to figure out how to ruin the Internet /(93) Mon Apr 13 12:37:47 2009: (Boston Herald) /accountsmusing /Judge asks 'Am I Being Punk'd?' as frozen dog sperm case lands in her court /(28) Mon Apr 13 12:37:50 2009: (Fox News) /Scary /Flux-compression generator could take out a commercial airliner, but only if it's traveling at 88 mph /(150) Mon Apr 13 12:37:52 2009: (Boston Globe) /Photoshop /Photoshop these men and their boat /(41) Mon Apr 13 12:37:55 2009: (AJC) /accountsmusing /"Dracula bandit" won't be seeing the light of day for at least 20 years. Sucks to be him /(16) Mon Apr 13 12:37:57 2009: (BBC) /Obvious /mexican President Calderon says tons of drugs couldn't enter the US without some complicity from US authorities. Thankfully, our borders are managed by morally-sound people too well paid for such insinuations /(171) Mon Apr 13 12:38:00 2009: (CBS New York) /accountsmusing /Jack the cat partners with underpants gnomes, no word on step 2 /(45) Mon Apr 13 12:38:03 2009: (The Scotsman) /Obvious /New study finds fat women rarely get promoted because they're seen as pigs, while fat men get promoted more often because they're seen as jovial. Naturally, bitter fat chicks won't appreciate the joie de vivre in this this fact /(431) Mon Apr 13 12:38:05 2009: (Some Guy) /Debugumbass /In an effort to connect young men to God, priest organizes a cage fighting tournament on Easter Sunday. Naked Twister scheduled for Christmas /(55) Mon Apr 13 12:38:08 2009: (Statesman) /accountsmusing /School administrators change name of football stadium in fear of drug references; still mulling over what to do with the hash marks T-Shirt /(100) Mon Apr 13 12:38:11 2009: (St. Petersburg Times) /Florida /When the cops stop you for underaged drinking, it's not a good time to inform them that you also like to smoke crack on the weekends. "And sometimes the weekend rolls into Monday." /(22) Mon Apr 13 12:38:13 2009: (Farktography) /Farktography /Theme of Farktography Contest No. 205: "Ugly....But Has a Great Personality" Difficulty: People cannot be the subject of your photo. Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme /(203) Mon Apr 13 12:38:16 2009: Wed April 08, 2009 Mon Apr 13 12:38:18 2009: (Gizmodo) /PSA /You may not use iTunes to "design, manufacture or produce nuclear, chemical or biological weapons". Just to clear up any confusion /(118) Mon Apr 13 12:38:21 2009: (AZCentral) /Interesting /accounts stroke of genius by the owner of a massage parlor played a hand in the arrest of a man who had the balls to use stolen credit cards. Plain-clothed dick says this investigation has a happy ending /(27) Mon Apr 13 12:38:24 2009: (Google) /Debugumbass /Man somehow manages to make his fast food meal even MORE unhealthy by shooting himself in the leg while waiting in the drive-thru /(23) Mon Apr 13 12:38:26 2009: (Daily Star) /accountsmusing /Nanny state spends (Boston Globe) /Spiffy /If you believe that there are no honest people in the world, meet the woman who turned in a $357,959 cashiers check /(99) Mon Apr 13 12:38:29 2009: (Two Friends) /Photoshop /Photoshop two guys singing karaoke /(33) Mon Apr 13 12:38:32 2009: (London Times) /Debugumbass /If you're heading to brief the government on a top secret anti-terror operation to arrest multiple Al-Qaeda suspects, try and make sure the press can't see the piece of paper with all their names and addresses on it /(56) Mon Apr 13 12:38:34 2009: (My Fox Tampa Bay) /Florida /Police report: She "is not a normal-sized 13-year-old child. She is 5'4" weighing 185 pounds and very strong." Also, she's Tasered /(171) Mon Apr 13 12:38:37 2009: (Reuters) /clearool /Want a recession proof career? Do you like make-up? Do you like scaring children? Have we got a job for you /(72) Mon Apr 13 12:38:39 2009: (MSNBC) /Interesting /Women now turning to plastic surgery to make themselves more competitive in the job market, as if having big boobs has ever gotten women anywhere /(390) Mon Apr 13 12:38:42 2009: (Some Guy) /Debugumbass /Man charged with crashing his car into a theater and with giving Fark the best mugshot of the day /(187) Mon Apr 13 12:38:45 2009: (Some Chick) /Florida /Man charged with arson says "he wasn't thinking" when he cleaned his apartment with gasoline and tossed a lit cigarette on a pile of gas-soaked cushions and clothes /(37) Mon Apr 13 12:38:47 2009: (CBC) /statusupid /Worried parents now eco-proofing nurseries. They would have just wrapped the kids in bubble wrap, but Aunt Ethel forwarded an email that said Sheryle Crow said on Oprah that bubble wrap contains dioxins which can cause cancer /(84) Mon Apr 13 12:38:50 2009: (Oregon Live) /Obvious /helpouse passes bill that is "too gross to talk about." Multiple Miggs is very disappointed, even though he saw this one coming from a mile away /(109) Mon Apr 13 12:38:52 2009: (AP) /Spiffy /clearhurch to hold Easter services at a bar. Bloody Mary prices not nailed down yet T-Shirt /(78) Mon Apr 13 12:38:55 2009: (Google) /sayd /Would you kill your own baby, who is doomed to die anyways, to save another? What if your baby refuses to die, putting both babies at risk? This isn't a question from your old Ethics class; it's a real problem for this Canadian couple /(235) Mon Apr 13 12:38:58 2009: (Daily Mail) /PSA /In 'Things that seemed like a good idea at the time', you can add having your high school drama students re-enact scenes from Schindler's List of Nazis shooting Jews /(38) Mon Apr 13 12:39:00 2009: (Denver Post) /Debugumbass /13-year-old Wyoming girl racks up $4,756 bill texting with BFF Jill. Dad: STOP! HAMMER TIME! /(230) Mon Apr 13 12:39:03 2009: (Daily Mail) /statusupid /buddylistritish teachers demand that wi-fi networks be removed from schools to protect the children from cancer and sterility. Clearly these people subscribe to the Gwyneth Paltrow journal of modern science /(87) Mon Apr 13 12:39:06 2009: (LA Times) /Weird /Gay porn idol dies at 62. He is survived by his wife... wait, what? /(218) Mon Apr 13 12:39:08 2009: (Some Patty and Selma) /Obvious /clearolorado DMV rules that loving tofu is obscene. Submitter agrees wholeheartedly /(244) Mon Apr 13 12:39:11 2009: (Happy holiday Jewish farkers) /Spiffy /Tonight, Jews all over the world will reunite, eat bitter food, drink a lot of wine and hear their grand-parents go on and on about what happened ages ago. Why is this night different from all other nights? Because it's Passover /(241) Mon Apr 13 12:39:13 2009: (Some Guy) /Interesting /Man spends 31 years with a broken needle lodged in his buttocks. What a pain in the ass /(55) Mon Apr 13 12:39:16 2009: (Spiegel) /Photoshop /Photoshop this resting risktaker /(48) Mon Apr 13 12:39:19 2009: (Telegraph) /Obvious /Family of teenager killed by train while listening to his iPod urge people to "never wear headphones outside whilst walking, for your own safety." Or you could open your eyes when you cross the rail tracks, it's really your choice /(282) Mon Apr 13 12:39:21 2009: (My Fox DC) /accountsmusing /lastlogate for work? Try telling the boss you walked into a spider web on the way out the door and couldn't find the spider, so you had to go inside and shower again. Works every time (with top excuses list) /(219) Mon Apr 13 12:39:24 2009: (NBCDFW.com) /Interesting /Surveillance cameras used to crack down on illegal dumpers. Cameras will provide police with 27 8x10 color glossy pictures with circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one /(138) Mon Apr 13 12:39:27 2009: (Washington Post) /Interesting /helpow much do you tip the person who hands you a bag of restaurant carryout? Ten percent? Fifteen percent? A Chick tract and a hearty handshake? /(576) Mon Apr 13 12:39:29 2009: (Daily Mail) /clearool /clearongratulations! As part of our dedication to customer service, the game you've just bought comes with four free ecstacy tablets. Have a nice day /(135) Mon Apr 13 12:39:32 2009: (New York Daily News) /statusrange /NYC cop fails cocaine test, claims it's because... *spins wheel*.... "I went down on my girlfriend" /(137) Mon Apr 13 12:39:34 2009: (Washington Post) /Obvious /The quest for blame in the recent mass killings moves on from the NRA and Rush Limbaugh to the recession, getting further away from the actual dudes who did the killing with every news cycle /(239) Mon Apr 13 12:39:37 2009: (WIS-TV) /Debugumbass /It takes a special kind of dumb to steal a police car. This guy turned the knob to 11, and stole one so he could fix his own wrecked car /(19) Mon Apr 13 12:39:40 2009: (Dallas News) /accountssinine /Texas school district considers grading snowflakes on feelings and good intentions /(135) Mon Apr 13 12:39:42 2009: (Some Guy) /Debugumbass /Freedom of speech still cherished at American colleges: Readers protest anti-baseball editorial in Hillsdale College publication by decorating editor's porch with dead animals and leaving copy of paper under head of a goat (pic) /(134) Mon Apr 13 12:39:45 2009: (Discover) /accountsmusing /Suggest a tattoo for a Farker. Drew's face, streetlight, strangely absent from list /(251) Mon Apr 13 12:39:47 2009: (Telegraph) /clearool /buddylistritish women are now allowed to orgasm on the television before 11:00 p.m., most still prefer the washing machine T-Shirt /(83) Mon Apr 13 12:39:50 2009: (PlaneBuzz) /Scary /lastlogightning 1, Plane 1. Let's call this one a draw. (pics) /(64) Mon Apr 13 12:39:53 2009: (Daily Express) /accountssinine /In the Nanny State, paper delivery boys will now be called... media distribution officers /(55) Mon Apr 13 12:39:55 2009: (The Smoking Gun) /Followup /Police crime scene photos of the ShamWow hooker beatdown. You can almost hear Vince lisping in photo No. 2. (Graphic warning: Lots of blood) /(334) Mon Apr 13 12:39:58 2009: (The Smoking Gun) /Debugumbass /Joba Chamberlain sobriety test video. Insults New Yorkers and Yankee legend Yogi Berra /(75) Mon Apr 13 12:40:01 2009: (BBC) /Debugumbass /Kite surfing along the shore can be good fun. Until you get blown 15 miles off course, and five lifeboat crews, four coastguard land teams and a rescue helicopter get called out /(26) Mon Apr 13 12:40:03 2009: (Canoe) /Debugumbass /accountsnother mother learns the old adage, "Never leave your keys and baby inside the same truck" /(25) Mon Apr 13 12:40:06 2009: (Fox News) /Followup /accountsmerican crew regains control of hijacked ship, one pirate in custody. U-S-A! U-S-A! /(560) Mon Apr 13 12:40:08 2009: (CNN) /Interesting /Out-of-wedlock births hit record highs. Bastards /(188) Mon Apr 13 12:40:11 2009: (Some Guy) /accountsmusing /What is best in life? To crush Republicans, to see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentations of their women. "Barack the Barbarian: Quest for the Treasure of Stimuli" to hit comic-book shelves near you /(313) Mon Apr 13 12:40:14 2009: (UPI) /statusrange /Someone's greasy black balls were found on a CA beach /(39) Mon Apr 13 12:40:16 2009: (AP) /Sick /What's more awkward than your mom finding your porno stash? /(312) Mon Apr 13 12:40:19 2009: (Daily Mail) /statusrange /The strangest pictures of horses with perms and hair extensions you'll see today and no, that's not a Sarah Jessica Parker joke /(95) Mon Apr 13 12:40:22 2009: (USA Today) /statusupid /61 housing agencies who have been repeatedly faulted in audits for mishandling government aid to be penalized by losing out on stimulus funds. Just kidding, they're collecting a cool $300 million /(57) Mon Apr 13 12:40:24 2009: (Time) /sayd /accountsrmy recruiters setting new records. Unfortunately, it's for killing themselves /(303) Mon Apr 13 12:40:27 2009: (USA Today) /Scary /Forecast: Cloudy, with some blustery winds and a 71 percent chance of further job cuts /(32) Mon Apr 13 12:40:29 2009: (Toronto Star) /accountssinine /Man seeks $3.5 billion from lottery corporation because of their extreme negligence. The bastards actually let him gamble in their casinos /(94) Mon Apr 13 12:40:33 2009: (Some Guy) /Obvious /News veterans fondly remember the long-ago days where anchors could report a story without breaking down in tears on TV /(113) Mon Apr 13 12:40:35 2009: (AL.com) /Debugumbass /Debugumb: Firefighter responding to car crash punches victim in the face. Dumber: The firefighter is also the mayor. Fark: It's the mayor of Hollywood /(31) Mon Apr 13 12:40:37 2009: (Inventor of the Sock Safe) /Silly /Fear stalks the streets, apparently barefoot, as sock thief terrorizes Idaho town. With realistic graphic depiction of what the sock thief might look like /(46) Mon Apr 13 12:40:40 2009: (Wall Street Journal) /Unlikely /U.S. electrical grid penetrated by spies. And they don't mean suicidal squirrels this time /(102) Mon Apr 13 12:40:43 2009: (Boston Globe) /accountsmusing /accountsl Capone busted for tax evasion. No, this is not a repeat from 1931 /(32) Mon Apr 13 12:40:45 2009: (Fox News) /Scary /Somali pirates not affected by recession, back at work, hijack tanker with 21 Americans on board /(287) Mon Apr 13 12:40:48 2009: (FARK) /Photoshop /Photoshop theme: The art of subtlety /(56) Mon Apr 13 12:40:50 2009: (Daily Mail) /sayppy /Need an "Awwww" to start your morning? Here are some piglets and tigers snuggling up together in a Thailand zoo (pics) /(53) Mon Apr 13 12:40:53 2009: (News 10 ABC Sacramento) /Followup /clearalifornia police get testy and sack two nuts who had the balls to steal Lance Armstrong's bike /(52) Mon Apr 13 12:40:56 2009: (Some Guy) /clearool /Man's heart comes to stop. Collaborate and listen, Ice saved his ass with a brand new invention T-Shirt /(65) Mon Apr 13 12:40:58 2009: (News.com.au) /clearool /The Grim Reaper: "I has a viktim. NOOOO, THEY BE STEALIN' MAH VIKTIM" /(90) Mon Apr 13 12:41:01 2009: (TBO) /Florida /clearh-Ch-Ch-Chia Obama yanked for being "not appropriate for sale" /(143) Mon Apr 13 12:41:04 2009: (Komo) /statusupid /Debugriver killed gas attendant because she was a witch. He hates these wiccans T-Shirt /(130) Mon Apr 13 12:41:06 2009: (FARK) /Photoshop /Photoshop theme: Lame superpowers /(49) Mon Apr 13 12:41:09 2009: (KXII) /Fail /. Cup is a burning thing, . and it makes a fiery ring, . sold by KFC, . It was nuked on high for three . /(39) Mon Apr 13 12:41:11 2009: (Google) /Followup /Italy lags in making buildings earthquake-resistant. Seriously, they have this one tower that's almost falling over already /(39) Mon Apr 13 12:41:14 2009: (Wall Street Journal) /Photoshop /Photoshop this milky mess /(44) Mon Apr 13 12:41:16 2009: (MSNBC) /Followup /Survivor found in Italy rubble, hope fading for REO Speedwagon /(73) Mon Apr 13 12:41:19 2009: (London Times) /Obvious /"The truth is that, when you get down to the boring, un-Rambo-ish details, it's hard to envisage a scenario in which the benefits of owning a gun for the sake of self-defence outnumber the pitfalls" /(lots) Mon Apr 13 12:41:22 2009: Tue April 07, 2009 Mon Apr 13 12:41:24 2009: (Daily Mail) /Debugumbass /'I was hooked on sunbeds twice a day. Then my skin fell off and I needed chemotherapy'. Darwin waits with bated breath /(195) Mon Apr 13 12:41:27 2009: (AZCentral) /Interesting /Suspected bank robber who tried to change his appearance after his heist busted when police notice shaving cream on his ear /(37) Mon Apr 13 12:41:30 2009: (Newsweek) /statusupid /Today's 911 non-emergency call comes from Haltom City, TX, where woman demanded more shrimp in her fried rice. "He didn't even put extra shrimp in there." /(99) Mon Apr 13 12:41:32 2009: (CBC) /accountssinine /Not news: Father grounds daughter from going on class trip. Fark: She sues him. Uber-ultra-super-extra-wtf-fark: She wins /(227) Mon Apr 13 12:41:35 2009: (London Times) /Interesting /buddylistritish teachers intimidated in their own homes by pupils using thought control and dark sarcasm /(87) Mon Apr 13 12:41:37 2009: (Forbes) /Obvious /West Virginia kills bill mandating that restaurants provide calorie counts, decides fat and ignorant is the way to go through life, son /(202) Mon Apr 13 12:41:40 2009: (Reuters) /Followup /buddylistinghamton shooter's note to TV station ended with "Have a Nice Day," tipping authorities off that man was definitely not from New York /(135) Mon Apr 13 12:41:43 2009: (SFGate) /clearool /helpelicopter pilot who was filmed receiving a "sex act" from a porn star while flying cannot get his license back. In his defense, it is called the "cockpit" for a reason /(111) Mon Apr 13 12:41:45 2009: (Some Guy) /clearool /Moose rescued from icy lake as squirrel watches on anxiously (with great pics) /(66) Mon Apr 13 12:41:48 2009: (Buffalo News) /helpero /That sick patient needs to travel 100 miles for a liver transplant in the middle of a blizzard? Looks like we got ourselves a convoy /(69) Mon Apr 13 12:41:51 2009: (Daily Mail) /clearool /Old and busted: vasectomies. New hotness: 15 minute female sterilization /(203) Mon Apr 13 12:41:53 2009: (Daily Mail) /accountsmusing /accountsttention parents: Your child is stupid, not dyslexic /(137) Mon Apr 13 12:41:56 2009: (NBC San Fran) /Obvious /This just in: college kids are gonna smoke pot on 4/20. Guess what, it's not just one day they're gonna smoke /(197) Mon Apr 13 12:41:58 2009: (New York Daily News) /Scary /Iran is sooooo not seeking nuclear weapons material -- you know, except for that fake Chinese company they are using to transfer that kind of stuff /(121) Mon Apr 13 12:42:01 2009: (Newsweek) /Interesting /Six tax deductions you've never heard of. If you require medical equipment such as a clarinet, you should read this article /(59) Mon Apr 13 12:42:05 2009: (Some Guy) /Photoshop /Photoshop this kelly-colored container /(40) Mon Apr 13 12:42:06 2009: (All Voices) /accountsmusing /Wearing makeup can save the lives of elderly women. Submitter can't think of a good punchline, but your grandmother's a whore /(65) Mon Apr 13 12:42:09 2009: (Fox News) /clearool /"The most powerful people on the Internet don't work for Microsoft, Google or the government. Rather, they're a bunch of antisocial, foul-mouthed, clever nerds" /(432) Mon Apr 13 12:42:12 2009: (Guardian.com) /Obvious /"Given that the curry is a UK national dish, we should be developing our own indigenous curry workforce" /(86) Mon Apr 13 12:42:14 2009: (Seacoastonline.com) /Florida /Man robs bank so his girfriend "won't have to have sex for money any more." She's doing it wrong /(55) Mon Apr 13 12:42:17 2009: (Newsweek) /Obvious /The proportion of Americans who think religion "can answer all or most of today's problems" is now at a historic low /(686) Mon Apr 13 12:42:19 2009: (Boston Globe) /Obvious /buddylistoston students struggle with the "English only" rule in school, and that's coming from native Bostonians /(104) Mon Apr 13 12:42:22 2009: (The Tennessean) /Weird /Nashville teacher arrested on charges of secretly filming students having sex (with "I can't believe such a normal guy would do such a thing" pic goodness) /(251) Mon Apr 13 12:42:25 2009: (Breitbart.com) /accountsmusing /Japanese porn even has its tentacles in British government websites /(65) Mon Apr 13 12:42:27 2009: (Telegraph) /Scary /lastlogiverpool council announces that the ghost haunting Croxteth Hall is former Earl of Sefton, according to paranormal experts, not Vince Clortho, keymaster of Gozer as previously suspected /(79) Mon Apr 13 12:42:30 2009: (Some Guy) /accountsmusing /buddylistrigham Young University forced to trash 18,000 newspapers after typo. Turns out there really is a difference between 'apostles' and 'apostates' /(110) Mon Apr 13 12:42:33 2009: (Boston Globe) /accountssinine /buddylistoston to cabbies: Go green by 2015 or else. Cabbies to Boston: But what about the city's fleets of busses and cars? Boston to cabbies: Shut your whore mouth /(125) Mon Apr 13 12:42:36 2009: (Miami Herald) /Silly /Debugave Barry asks the question all men have been dying to ask women...why decorative pillows? /(236) Mon Apr 13 12:42:38 2009: (TC Palm) /Florida /Florida city wants to ban oil, mud, and Jello wrestling. "The term 'buttocks' shall mean the area at the rear of the body which lies between two imaginary lines running parallel to the ground when a person is standing." /(163) Mon Apr 13 12:42:41 2009: (The Consumerist) /statusupid /The dumbest infomercial product ever: the Jumpsnap, a ropeless jump rope /(185) Mon Apr 13 12:42:43 2009: (The Consumerist) /Obvious /Publisher's Clearing House scam is targeting your grandma with the "deposit this check and send back half" scam. With pic of check and letter /(104) Mon Apr 13 12:42:46 2009: (Den Of Geek) /Interesting /Ten Star Wars characters with more history than you'd think - including the prostitutes of Mos Eisley /(288) Mon Apr 13 12:42:49 2009: (Telegraph) /statusupid /. Who can take your trash out? Stomp it down for you? Shake the plastic bag and do the twisty-thingy too? The Garbage Man can. . . Unless, of course, there's a plastic plant pot in it, then it's just too dangerous /(46) Mon Apr 13 12:42:51 2009: (SILive) /statusupid /helpey judge, if you won't let me change my name to Black Cream Allah, how about Original Kreeam Shabazz? /(99) Mon Apr 13 12:42:54 2009: (Daily Mail) /Obvious /Shockingly enough, a women only office isn't automatically all sweetness and light and female-bonding over that lovely pair of shoes you bought yesterday /(573) Mon Apr 13 12:42:57 2009: (Daily Mail) /Interesting /Ritalin could help obese people lose weight, finally finish reading the Great Gatsby /(106) Mon Apr 13 12:42:59 2009: (Washington Post) /Spiffy /First gay marriage was legal in Massachusetts, then Connecticut, then Iowa, now it's moving on to Vermont. Yeeeeeeaaaaarrggggh T-Shirt /(862) Mon Apr 13 12:43:02 2009: (Denver Post) /Silly /For PBS, "Sometimes it's symphony tickets. Sometimes it's museum passes. This time, it's squirrel underpants" /(26) Mon Apr 13 12:43:05 2009: (C|Net) /Debugumbass /Not news: Kid steals car stereo. News: His cellphone spontaneously calls the cops while he brags to his friends. Fark: He's still holding the stereo when the cops triangulate the signal and pick him up /(49) Mon Apr 13 12:43:07 2009: (Daily Mail) /Debugumbass /If your Doctor tells you that he needs to rub your boobs to check if you're pregnant, you should probably believe him. He has a medical degree and everything /(63) Mon Apr 13 12:43:10 2009: (The Local (Germany)) /Interesting /buddylistad weather forces German leader to abandon war zone. This is not a repeat from 1944 /(17) Mon Apr 13 12:43:12 2009: (AP) /Interesting /Rare megamouth shark caught in Phillipines. It was delicious /(51) Mon Apr 13 12:43:15 2009: (11 Alive) /accountssinine /Those in Atlanta that are suffering from the economic crisis take comfort in knowing they can rely on Atlanta's mass transit for their commute. ...oh crap /(192) Mon Apr 13 12:43:18 2009: (Some Guy) /Fail /Now remember kids: If your most recent picture is underneath the word "WANTED", you might want to send a friend to the post office for stamps /(28) Mon Apr 13 12:43:20 2009: (AP) /Unlikely /Purdue students petition to make campus laws on marijuana the same as laws for alcohol. Local pizza joints fully supportive of the initiative /(67) Mon Apr 13 12:43:23 2009: (Chicago Tribune) /statusupid /statusudy finds that triathalons are deadlier than marathons. EVERYBODY PANIC, FREAK OUT, AND BE FRIGHTENED /(38) Mon Apr 13 12:43:25 2009: (CNN) /News /helpussein back in Baghdad T-Shirt /(354) Mon Apr 13 12:43:28 2009: (thefrisky.com) /Followup /Porn Screening Canceled At University Of Maryland /(41) Mon Apr 13 12:43:31 2009: (Dallas News) /Obvious /Pentagon shifts focus from high-maintenance F-22's to cheaper F-35's. Subby's focus still locked on trashy 36-DD's /(253) Mon Apr 13 12:43:33 2009: (Some Maineiac) /Obvious /accounts father and son were shocked... SHOCKED while cutting down trees near the power lines /(50) Mon Apr 13 12:43:36 2009: (Metro) /Scary /accounts friend is someone who will come and bail you out after a night in jail, a real friend is someone who won't bite your penis off after an argument /(60) Mon Apr 13 12:43:39 2009: (Yahoo) /Interesting /clearonsumer Reports: save up to $130 a year by switching toilet paper. Save even more by using the magazine itself /(185) Mon Apr 13 12:43:41 2009: (WPXI) /Fail /Man takes car to dealership for servicing, takes shortcut through showroom, over employee's desk /(46) Mon Apr 13 12:43:44 2009: (Spiegel) /Photoshop /Photoshop these tousled tresses /(39) Mon Apr 13 12:43:46 2009: (Toronto Star) /accountssinine /If you want that A+, study, work hard and pay attention in class. Or go to a private school that guarantees you'll get a specific grade as soon as the cheque clears. Whatever works for you /(101) Mon Apr 13 12:43:49 2009: (USA Today) /Interesting /This little piggie went to the market. This little piggie stayed home. This little piggie was dressed in body armor, strapped to a Humvee simulator and blown-up with explosives all the way home /(136) Mon Apr 13 12:43:52 2009: (News.com.au) /helpero /Swedish cops' six-month investigation into kidnapped children has no leads. Australian father takes leave from work, finds them in seven days. That's some nice work, Lou. Bonus: All he needed was a rental car and some binoculars /(125) Mon Apr 13 12:43:54 2009: (CBS Sacramento) /sayd /O.J. Simpson's sister dies. O.J. prepares alibi /(65) Mon Apr 13 12:43:57 2009: (Google) /Spiffy /French hospital performs face, hand transplant, making facepalms a whole lot easier /(50) Mon Apr 13 12:43:59 2009: (Metro) /accountsmusing /Sick of people parking in front of your driveway? One German man has the solution /(95) Mon Apr 13 12:44:02 2009: (Guardian.com) /Obvious /lastlogegalization of drugs such as marijuana could save Britain ome Guy) /Ironic /Schindler's list turns up in Australia, where Hitler was born and where he first organized the Third Reich /(91) Mon Apr 13 12:44:05 2009: (TC Palm) /Florida /In order to get more business, pain clinics in Florida lure patients with $25 gasoline cards, two-for-one pill specials and half-price days. "Florida is embarrassing itself" /(56) Mon Apr 13 12:44:07 2009: (Daily Overlook) /Photoshop /Photoshop these happy... um, Hawaiians? /(43) Mon Apr 13 12:44:10 2009: (AP) /Obvious /Woman borrows boss' Ferrari. Since this is Fark, you know what happens next /(180) Mon Apr 13 12:44:12 2009: Mon April 06, 2009 Mon Apr 13 12:44:15 2009: (Some Guy) /clearool /Politicians, celebrities call for National Beer Day. Finally there's a campaign all of Fark can get behind /(68) Mon Apr 13 12:44:18 2009: (Yahoo) /statusupid /Not news: Precious snowflake pulled from dance school. Fark: Because school plans dance recital to Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Yellow Polka Dot Bikini. Ultra Fark? Mom thinks song promotes "bad body image" /(117) Mon Apr 13 12:44:20 2009: (JSOnline) /Debugumbass /It's a bird.. It's a plane...no, it's a stolen Cessna being pursued by two F-16 fighters flying over Illinois by a student pilot who refuses to contact air traffic control /(252) Mon Apr 13 12:44:23 2009: (Some Guy) /helpero /Sheriff against red light cameras "We already have enough invasion of our privacy" /(156) Mon Apr 13 12:44:26 2009: (Some Guy) /statusupid /Wisconsin is asking people to refrain from feeding squirrels at the state Capitol because they might inadvertently harm a child with a peanut allergy /(138) Mon Apr 13 12:44:28 2009: (Denver Channel) /PSA /If you're a teacher going out of town, make sure your subsitute knows the difference between the "Geography Presentations" and "Porn Movies" folders on your computer /(90) Mon Apr 13 12:44:31 2009: (BBC) /clearool /Facebook, a girl in Maryland, the White House, the British Embassy and local police work together to stop an attempted suicide in the UK /(104) Mon Apr 13 12:44:33 2009: (BBC) /accountssinine /Recently uncovered WWII documents reveal that racist U.S. and British military leaders ensured black soldiers were excluded from French units scheduled to liberate Paris from Nazis /(419) Mon Apr 13 12:44:36 2009: (Colorado Independent) /Debugumbass /Focus on the Family narrator charged with focusing on someone's family's underage daughter /(122) Mon Apr 13 12:44:39 2009: (Globe and Mail) /Interesting /Why every office needs a Dwight Schrute... aside from easy access to Schrute Bucks /(68) Mon Apr 13 12:44:41 2009: (UPI) /Florida /If you're going to hit someone in the head because they refuse to move their boat, use something more effective than half a dead fish /(40) Mon Apr 13 12:44:44 2009: (madison.com) /Silly /News: College students sleep outside in cardboard boxes to experience what it's like to be homeless. Fark: They decorated them with streamers and balloons.... y'know, just like the homeless do /(72) Mon Apr 13 12:44:47 2009: (Google) /Interesting /US responds to earthquake in Italy by offering them emergency aid totalling $50,000, which is enough to buy every victim a plate of pasta, no sauce and don't even ask for bread /(180) Mon Apr 13 12:44:49 2009: (Some Guy) /Photoshop /Photoshop this icebound submarine /(53) Mon Apr 13 12:44:52 2009: (Denver Channel) /Debugumbass /media is happy to spread the word that more and more kids are using Axe body spray as homemade flame throwers. I hope they don't learn how flammable spray paint is /(158) Mon Apr 13 12:44:54 2009: (UPI) /PSA /Never get between a eight-year old and his ice cream /(70) Mon Apr 13 12:44:57 2009: (Some Guy) /PSA /The government would like to remind you that if you see a government employee in front of your home punching numbers into a handheld computer, do not be alarmed /(140) Mon Apr 13 12:45:00 2009: (Telegraph) /Silly /Welsh school children devise way to actually play Quidditch. It's no "Australian indoor-rules" version, but it might work /(124) Mon Apr 13 12:45:02 2009: (Some Guy) /Debugumbass /Idiot backcountry snowmobiler manages to show everything you're not supposed to do to avoid causing an avalanche (w/ link to vid) /(114) Mon Apr 13 12:45:05 2009: (MSNBC) /Debugumbass /prefsegnant columnist gets parenting advice from Facebook. Quiz says that baby has 85% chance of going into therapy /(74) Mon Apr 13 12:45:07 2009: (The Raw Story) /Unlikely /Researchers find "highly engineered explosive" in WTC dust and rubble. It really is thermite this time /(946) Mon Apr 13 12:45:10 2009: (UPI) /Obvious /Man dies at G20 summit. In related news: death by police baton is now categorized as dying from natural causes /(97) Mon Apr 13 12:45:13 2009: (Gawker) /Unlikely /Debugrudge: "I do not love sex with men" /(308) Mon Apr 13 12:45:16 2009: (News.com.au) /statusupid /Government sex ed website that tells primary school students that abortion can be "a relief" and hormones make you "feel sexy" has parents knickers in a twist /(106) Mon Apr 13 12:45:18 2009: (AFP) /clearool /Super Sherpa climbs Everest to clean it up. Suck it Norgay /(90) Mon Apr 13 12:45:21 2009: (Miami Herald) /Florida /Small town dictator upset that someone posted videos of him on YouTube acting like a small town dictator /(64) Mon Apr 13 12:45:24 2009: (TC Palm) /Florida /Girl charged with a felony for throwing a pretzel at a cop. That's twisted /(92) Mon Apr 13 12:45:26 2009: (Drew) /FarkBlog /Wandering semen, astronomical shrinkage and Obama's ties to Satan: Headlines of the Week 3/29 to 4/4 /(24) Mon Apr 13 12:45:28 2009: (CNN) /Obvious /clearaffeine withdrawal is real. Obvious tags wants another cup NOW /(220) Mon Apr 13 12:45:31 2009: (AFP) /accountsmusing /buddylistritish supermarket will rename a type of fish to be more PC. So now "pollack", which is close to a slang word for testicles will be called "colin" which is not close to any word that resembles a body part, apparently /(99) Mon Apr 13 12:45:34 2009: (Some Guy) /Debugumbass /Wearing pink fishnets and carrying your baby around in a car full of kiddie porn and crack pipes while driving on a suspended license with an outstanding warrant for your arrest is no way to go through life, son /(121) Mon Apr 13 12:45:36 2009: (Daily Express) /Unlikely /meet Peng Fu. He hasn't cut his hair in 60 years [w pic] /(130) Mon Apr 13 12:45:39 2009: (TC Palm) /Florida /Man gets drunk, strips naked, runs down the street claiming he's an illegal alien, and nearly punches a cop in the face all in the hopes of getting deported to Mexico /(33) Mon Apr 13 12:45:42 2009: (NBC DC) /Obvious /You can't stop college kids from watching porn, no matter what you do /(150) Mon Apr 13 12:45:44 2009: (AP) /statusupid /accountsnother sign of the bad economy: Restaurant famine: "When you get seated, the first thing they say is, just to let you know, tonight we're out of our blah blah blah" Its the end of the world as we know it /(111) Mon Apr 13 12:45:47 2009: (Homestar Runner) /clearool /Gotta make it back in time for the 3:09 PM donut rush /(48) Mon Apr 13 12:45:49 2009: (AFP) /clearool /If your dog fell overboard four months ago, Australian authorities have some good news for you /(56) Mon Apr 13 12:45:52 2009: (Daily Express) /Interesting /Indiana Jones was way off. The Lost Ark is actually in...Robert Mugabe's bedroom /(112) Mon Apr 13 12:45:55 2009: (Telegraph) /statusrange /German DJ breaks world record by running his radio show non-stop for a week without once talking about scheisse /(61) Mon Apr 13 12:45:57 2009: (wlbz.com) /Debugumbass /accounts New Hampshire group protesting government spending ends up causing more spending in emergency services /(37) Mon Apr 13 12:46:00 2009: (Local6) /Florida /If you love your parrot, set it free. If it returns to you, it's yours forever. If it doesn't, meet the new owner by chance at a Dunkin Donuts and have a judge subpoena the bird /(62) Mon Apr 13 12:46:03 2009: (Local10) /Florida /If your 10 year-old relative finds your porn stash, tying her hands behind her back and forcing her into a partially filled bathtub, dunking her head under water several times is not an appropriate response /(137) Mon Apr 13 12:46:05 2009: (The Tennessean) /sayppy /83 year old man gets his wish to be pulled by worldest biggest mule in local parade. Fark: It's his ashes /(52) Mon Apr 13 12:46:08 2009: (Seacoastonline.com) /Unlikely /accounts hospital mistakenly gives the wrong baby to the wrong mother for a first breast-feeding. The father is quoted as saying, It is "every parent's worst nightmare." He must be new at this /(157) Mon Apr 13 12:46:10 2009: (WBBM) /Silly /Kid left home alone hears a noise and calls police. Then it gets all SWAT-y /(83) Mon Apr 13 12:46:13 2009: (The Sun) /PSA /If you're going to cheat on your girlfriend, there are better places to do it than on a plane with her asleep in the seat next to you /(201) Mon Apr 13 12:46:16 2009: (Flickr) /Photoshop /Photoshop this evolving business /(42) Mon Apr 13 12:46:18 2009: (KCTV) /Debugumbass /Not news: Parent gambles with their children's future. Fark: Parents takes out student loans in their child's name to gamble with their future /(116) Mon Apr 13 12:46:21 2009: (Baltimore Sun) /Obvious /Recession means having to put up with more of your wife's crappy cooking, awkward silence at the dinner table /(165) Mon Apr 13 12:46:24 2009: (Telegraph) /accountsmusing /Tuesday 11:45 is the most stressful time of the week. Why? "Most workers coast through Monday getting their brain in gear and catching up with gossip from the weekend through social networking sites" /(61) Mon Apr 13 12:46:26 2009: (Seacoastonline.com) /Obvious /accounts huge waiting list for NH sex offender program has some offenders sucking up to their parole officers /(68) Mon Apr 13 12:46:29 2009: (CNN) /Scary /lastlogand first, THEN put the plane in the hangar /(49) Mon Apr 13 12:46:31 2009: (Mother of the Year) /Debugumbass /Not News: Mother breast-feeds four-month-old baby. Fark: while driving. UltraFark: drunk /(45) Mon Apr 13 12:46:34 2009: (Daily Mail) /accountsmusing /Ugly-ass offense against nature, tiniest dog ever. awwwwww /(76) Mon Apr 13 12:46:37 2009: (Ynetnews.com) /Interesting /helpere's a tip: A Jewish organization a slice above the rest will help Jewish men, even if they're a shave above 80-year-old, cut a deal with God and get circumcised for free. Foreskin T-Shirt /(61) Mon Apr 13 12:46:39 2009: (Some Guy) /Sick /U.... ....s s... .ou '.z... .. /(73) Mon Apr 13 12:46:42 2009: (Some Guy) /accountsmusing /Parents freak out after an erotic novel containing sexually explicit scenes was included in a show bag given to children at a baby show. "You would expect to get a book like this at Sexpo, not at the Runaway Bay Baby Show." /(90) Mon Apr 13 12:46:44 2009: (NewsOK) /Obvious /Olympic Committee tours Chicago, expects bribe requests to be far less awkward than in Salt Lake City /(71) Mon Apr 13 12:46:47 2009: (News.com.au) /Interesting /New Yorkers butthurt over anti-smoking ad showing kid crying when separated from mother, paying 10 bucks for a pack /(235) Mon Apr 13 12:46:50 2009: (Reuters) /News /6.3 earthquake hits Italy, 100 km east of Rome. TUTTI PANICO /(145) Mon Apr 13 12:46:52 2009: (Daily Mail) /clearool /buddylistadger babies join the ranks of ugly-ass springtime creatures. awwwwwww /(66) Mon Apr 13 12:46:55 2009: (Flickr) /Photoshop /Photoshop this positive affirmation /(60) Mon Apr 13 12:46:58 2009: (Durant Democrat) /Debugumbass /helpotel TV thief not the brightest criminal in the world, but he did stay at a Holiday Inn Express /(37) Mon Apr 13 12:47:00 2009: (Washington Post) /sayd /Poor people become brain damaged. Here comes the science /(128) Mon Apr 13 12:47:03 2009: (BBC) /Fail /Muslims discover they've been praying in the wrong direction for centuries as some 200 mosques don't face toward Mecca -- in Mecca /(334) Mon Apr 13 12:47:05 2009: Displayed 445 of about 1154 links -- join TotalFark to see them all Mon Apr 13 12:47:08 2009: Fark Forum Mon Apr 13 12:47:11 2009: Farkives: Previous seven days - Complete archives Mon Apr 13 12:47:13 2009: Tools Mon Apr 13 12:47:16 2009: Farkback (contact us) Mon Apr 13 12:47:19 2009: Create account Mon Apr 13 12:47:21 2009: Headline Search Mon Apr 13 12:47:24 2009: Fark on PDA Mon Apr 13 12:47:26 2009: FarkIt Mon Apr 13 12:47:29 2009: Fark RSS Feed Mon Apr 13 12:47:32 2009: Add to My Yahoo! 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Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page. Mon Apr 13 14:21:50 2009: * Fark Mon Apr 13 14:21:50 2009: * TotalFark Mon Apr 13 14:21:50 2009: * myFark Mon Apr 13 14:21:50 2009: * About/FArQ Mon Apr 13 14:21:50 2009: * Contests Mon Apr 13 14:21:50 2009: * Fark Shop Mon Apr 13 14:21:50 2009: * GoogleFark SearchWeb Fark Mon Apr 13 14:21:50 2009: Not NewsSportsBusinessGeekShowbizPoliticsMusicVideoAll Mon Apr 13 14:21:51 2009: These links may be stale and generate errors. Can't do much about it. Tastes like chicken. Mon Apr 13 14:21:54 2009: (Headline T-Shirts are still available for archive links.) Mon Apr 13 14:21:57 2009: Sun January 04, 2009 Mon Apr 13 14:21:59 2009: (Some Guy) /Scary /Train takes off from station with doors still open. Which wouldn't be a big deal if it wasn't 100 feet off the ground /(56) Mon Apr 13 14:22:02 2009: (Daily Star) /Unlikely /Woman falls 100 feet from her window into a vat of grapes. She's alive but, frankly, the wine is a little corked /(42) Mon Apr 13 14:22:05 2009: (CNN) /Interesting /Scientists say that that "ZOMG I can't breathe when I'm with you I love you soooo much" feeling CAN last a lifetime. But only in about 10% of the population. The rest of us are doomed to die alone with our cats /(247) Mon Apr 13 14:22:07 2009: (Some Guy) /Obvious /South Dakota Supreme Court rules that farking cops are a bunch of shiatheads for arresting man that told them to fark off. fark /(114) Mon Apr 13 14:22:10 2009: (Boston Globe) /Unlikely /Politicians want to find 998... 999... 1000 "great places" in Massachusetts. Ah, ah, ah /(129) Mon Apr 13 14:22:13 2009: (Some Guy) /Photoshop /Photoshop these ten stories /(68) Mon Apr 13 14:22:18 2009: (The Telegram) /PSA /Threatening an officer with a 2x4 is not very constructive in building a good relationship with police /(49) Mon Apr 13 14:22:19 2009: (AZCentral) /helpero /Sheriff of Pinal County stops radar cameras: "I've never yet seen a photo-radar camera arrest a drunk driver or arrest a person with a warrant, ... or to just simply give directions to somebody," /(157) Mon Apr 13 14:22:21 2009: (Psychology Today) /Interesting /lastlogooks like the average American would make an ass out of him or herself in just under 8 minutes in Finland /(233) Mon Apr 13 14:22:23 2009: (IndyStar) /Followup /clearhris Hanson in need of a new schtick as appeals court rules crimes need an actual "victim" /(200) Mon Apr 13 14:22:25 2009: (RTE) /Obvious /Pilots want handheld lasers to be classified as weapons /(125) Mon Apr 13 14:22:28 2009: (Connecticut Post) /accountssinine /Residents are furious that the town won't pave their steep, dangerous dirt road. Their PRIVATE, steep, dangerous dirt road /(126) Mon Apr 13 14:22:31 2009: (CNN) /accountsmusing /buddylistill Richardson's stint as Secretary of Commerce is about as successful as his presidency /(201) Mon Apr 13 14:22:34 2009: (AP) /statusupid /Illinois state workers to take seminar on ethics. Yes Illinois workers. And yes, representatives from the Governor's office will be speaking /(44) Mon Apr 13 14:22:36 2009: (Washington Post) /accountssinine /Washington's Metro subway system will close many of its public parking lots adjacent to stations on Inauguration Day to better serve the public /(100) Mon Apr 13 14:22:39 2009: (Carlos Miller) /accountssinine /accountsmtrak police arrest photographer for taking pictures of Amtrak trains. Fark: as part of Amtrak annual contest for photos of Amtrak trains. Amtrak /(196) Mon Apr 13 14:22:41 2009: (AJC) /sayppy /Ugly-ass baby panda debuts at Zoo Atlanta. With lots of ugly-ass pics /(26) Mon Apr 13 14:22:44 2009: (PennLive) /Obvious /Pennsylvania pet store, which remained open even after its owner put a kitten in the freezer and then beat it to death against the side of a dumpster, again faces cruelty charges. PETA too busy protesting milk to get involved /(185) Mon Apr 13 14:22:47 2009: (Cracked) /Interesting /Six bizarre real world versions of fictional monsters. Protip: Being pale and bored does not make you a vampire /(71) Mon Apr 13 14:22:49 2009: (Some Lottery Winner) /Ironic /helpe won the lottery, and died the next day /(119) Mon Apr 13 14:22:52 2009: (NYPost) /accountsmusing /"Duck season." "Rabbit season." "Duck season." "Rabbit season." "Hunter season." *BANG* /(38) Mon Apr 13 14:22:54 2009: (Some Guy) /clearool /The most awesome picture of a burning crater you'll see all day. Bonus: it's caused by manmade stupidity /(122) Mon Apr 13 14:22:57 2009: (Flickr) /Photoshop /Photoshop this stairway to nowhere /(60) Mon Apr 13 14:23:00 2009: (The Morning Call) /Scary /Trio robs furniture store. They apparently wanted some money under the table /(12) Mon Apr 13 14:23:02 2009: (SFGate) /Followup /statusep 1. Taunt Tiger. Step Two: Get mauled by said Tiger. Step three: Profit? Step four: Get sued by city for your medical bills for getting mauled /(92) Mon Apr 13 14:23:05 2009: (Yahoo) /Obvious /When your cell phone lectures you about wearing a condom, maybe you should wear a condom, or get rid of your cell phone /(27) Mon Apr 13 14:23:08 2009: (St. Petersburg Times) /Florida /Friends of skydiver who died during jump scatter her ashes while performing formation jump. "Oh God, I got Debbie in my mouth" /(36) Mon Apr 13 14:23:10 2009: (Yahoo) /Debugumbass /buddylistearded Mexican warlock predicts that the US will withdraw troops from Iraq and that Saddam will buy new satanic underpants and rise from the dead /(40) Mon Apr 13 14:23:13 2009: (Mirror.co.uk) /accountssinine /If you need a C-section in Britain, make sure you have that sucker during the day, when anesthetists are actually there /(76) Mon Apr 13 14:23:15 2009: (Some Guy) /Debugumbass /"They kept telling me there was this big issue with tagging around town. My son doesn't even know what tagging is. He drew a stick figure with boobs and one with a penis" /(55) Mon Apr 13 14:23:18 2009: (Globe and Mail) /Interesting /Just a little reminder that police officers can have hearts. Have you hugged a cop today? /(78) Mon Apr 13 14:23:21 2009: (Port Charlotte Sun) /helpero /lastlogCDR Roy Boehm, founder of US Navy SEALs, has completed his final mission /(54) Mon Apr 13 14:23:23 2009: (The Scotsman) /Obvious /Job centres across the UK are routinely advertising for escort agencies, lap dancing clubs, massage parlours and TV sex channels. Still no openings for lion tamers /(18) Mon Apr 13 14:23:26 2009: (CNN) /Followup /Debugespite the fact that every previous holder of the title has met with certain death not long afterward, California woman eager to be named "World's Oldest" /(25) Mon Apr 13 14:23:28 2009: (LA Times) /Scary /clearincinnati is lousy. Seriously, it's so bad they have a bedbug task force /(46) Mon Apr 13 14:23:31 2009: (Telegraph) /Spiffy /Six month long exposure equals very cool photo /(63) Mon Apr 13 14:23:34 2009: (Corporate Mofo) /Obvious /"Future historians will note that American society peaked in the late 1960s" /(251) Mon Apr 13 14:23:36 2009: (Jalopnik) /Unlikely /Old and busted : "how old is your dog in human years?" new hotness : "how old is your CAR in human years" /(87) Mon Apr 13 14:23:39 2009: (Muskator/ Ovator) /Photoshop /Photoshop this stark station /(44) Mon Apr 13 14:23:42 2009: (Guardian.com) /accountsmusing /If you have been impersonating the president of Guyana on Facebook the Guyanan police would like a word with you /(46) Mon Apr 13 14:23:44 2009: Sat January 03, 2009 Mon Apr 13 14:23:47 2009: (SMH) /Interesting /accountsustralian police spend two million on a shooting simulator because their officers have so little firearms experience they are afraid to use their own guns /(105) Mon Apr 13 14:23:49 2009: (AFP) /Unlikely /In a completely unbiased study motivated by no hidden agenda whatsoever, Catholic "scientific" study concludes that birth control pills result in serious environmental harm and male sterility /(347) Mon Apr 13 14:23:52 2009: (News.com.au) /Obvious /accounts tampon ad showing a beaver following a woman around all day was the most complained about ad in 2008 /(153) Mon Apr 13 14:23:55 2009: (TBO) /Florida /Instead of using a machete, the traditional weapon of Florida, man hits a person over the head with nunchakus /(43) Mon Apr 13 14:23:57 2009: (AP) /Weird /Judge rules that the First Amendment doesn't guarantee woman's right to smuggle endangered monkey meat into the country /(52) Mon Apr 13 14:24:00 2009: (Some Former West Virginian) /Debugumbass /West Virginians collect bottle caps for needy cancer patients. Find out there were no cancer patients. Locals tout gullibility AND helpfulness. Bottle caps? Seriously. Bottle caps? /(83) Mon Apr 13 14:24:03 2009: (Reuters) /accountsmusing /"Flying Doctor" puts in order for bigger aircraft to fly world-class fatass Aussies to hospital /(43) Mon Apr 13 14:24:05 2009: (Some Guy) /Silly /clearoming soon to a mall near you: Teeth-whitening kiosks. "Are they sure they are working in a disease-free mouth?'' /(67) Mon Apr 13 14:24:08 2009: (Jacksonville.com) /clearaption /clearaption this judger of cats /(67) Mon Apr 13 14:24:10 2009: (Seacoastonline.com) /accountsmusing /We were at a station / Pretending to pull out a gun / When everyone decided / To give a call into 911 / It wasn't a mock, it was a mock robbery / (down, down) /(25) Mon Apr 13 14:24:13 2009: (London Times) /Florida /helpabitat for Humanity is being sued by some of the people who got free houses /(248) Mon Apr 13 14:24:16 2009: (Mediabistro) /accountsmusing /In an unexpected media development, SomethingAwful buys USA Today /(94) Mon Apr 13 14:24:18 2009: (Spiegel) /Photoshop /Photoshop this talk show book promo /(41) Mon Apr 13 14:24:21 2009: (Korea Times) /accountsmusing /Kim Jong-Il appears out of nowhere to inspect North Korean tank division. Six more weeks of winter projected /(55) Mon Apr 13 14:24:23 2009: (US News and World Report) /Scary /Forget about the crappy economy, an eruption of the Yellowstone supervolcano will destroy so much life on Earth that the new economy will based on firearms and liquor, making the US and the Irish world powers /(204) Mon Apr 13 14:24:26 2009: (DC Examiner) /Unlikely /Kreskin's predictions for new year include renewed importance of the clown, bartenders as therapists, restaurants banning cell phones, and a resurgence of shepherd's pie /(44) Mon Apr 13 14:24:29 2009: (Telegraph) /Interesting /Russians claim their legendary drinking prowess is "a myth" /(59) Mon Apr 13 14:24:31 2009: (CNN) /clearool /Mars rovers have now spent five years traversing the red planet, taking soil samples, analyzing the environment, compacting debris into cubes which they then neatly stack /(114) Mon Apr 13 14:24:34 2009: (AP) /statusupid /Guy in Detroit gets IRS bill for 5 cents, which he has to pay. Now is owed 4 cents and has to request it. Then it gets weird /(74) Mon Apr 13 14:24:36 2009: (CBC) /Debugumbass /4 B.C. men rescued from ski hill's out-of-bounds area. Out of bounds or not, 2013 years is a long time to wait for a rescue /(74) Mon Apr 13 14:24:39 2009: (CNN) /NewsFlash /Ground forces move into Gaza. What could possibly go wrong? /(1334) Mon Apr 13 14:24:42 2009: (CBS 2 Lost Angeles) /accountssinine /Debugropping off your mail in a hurry while wearing gloves? Well that there's terrorism /(95) Mon Apr 13 14:24:44 2009: (ABC News) /Interesting /English language expected to top one million words by April, including the really stupid made-up ones like 'electrosmog' and 'Palinism' /(92) Mon Apr 13 14:24:47 2009: (Longmont Times-Call) /accountssinine /Parents of damaged little snowflake demand that the school district provide something more than one on one education. In other news, "intermittent explosive disorder" is now a disorder /(158) Mon Apr 13 14:24:49 2009: (London Times) /accountsmusing /EU's new president says climate change is a myth. He can tell because of the pixels, and because he's seen a few other myths in his day /(240) Mon Apr 13 14:24:52 2009: (ABC News) /Followup /More polar bears found to be fasting, scientists blame global warming and the unrealistic 'ideal' sharp-kneed polar bear image created by Hollywood /(41) Mon Apr 13 14:24:55 2009: (CBS San Francisco) /sayd /Schools increasingly under criticism for restraining Special Ed students and putting them in "quiet rooms" /(172) Mon Apr 13 14:24:57 2009: (Daily Mail) /Florida /Orangutan learns how to jet-ski (with smoking hot trainer pics) /(134) Mon Apr 13 14:25:00 2009: (WPXI) /sayd /Teenager totals mustang /(83) Mon Apr 13 14:25:03 2009: (Seacoastonline.com) /statusrange /Oh, Christmas tree, Oh, Christmas tree, Oh Why have you attacked me? Kicked to the curb with no more star, why would you fly into my car? /(28) Mon Apr 13 14:25:05 2009: (NYPost) /Followup /Madoff victims say their losses aren't as big as initially reported. In related news, the cops who assess pot busts and the cops who assess financial crimes all use the same math /(29) Mon Apr 13 14:25:08 2009: (Guardian.com) /Spiffy /Woman gives birth on London Underground, considers naming the child accordingly. Thankfully the station was Kingsbury and not Elephant and Castle /(65) Mon Apr 13 14:25:10 2009: (Some Guy) /sayd /Police fatally shoot German history buff - "Mein laben" /(103) Mon Apr 13 14:25:13 2009: (WFTV) /Debugumbass /buddylistest mugshot of crying home burglar you will see in the next... well, ever. Seriously /(104) Mon Apr 13 14:25:16 2009: (Google) /statusupid /School in England bans the word "school" because that word may have "negative connotations" for the parents /(71) Mon Apr 13 14:25:18 2009: (Baltimore Sun) /Debugumbass /buddylistusy Moms of Working Families complain their Snowflakes' holiday vacation is too long. "After 2 1/2 weeks of parties, sleeping later than usual and watching Hannah Montana reruns, little Jaci had hit the wall." /(120) Mon Apr 13 14:25:21 2009: (Bangor Daily News) /Followup /Every newborn in Maine will now receive $500 towards college. It's not Alaska money, but it's not bad /(56) Mon Apr 13 14:25:23 2009: (Some Guy) /clearaption /clearaption, Will Robinson Caption /(67) Mon Apr 13 14:25:26 2009: (NPR) /statusrange /First they came for the helper parrots, and I said nothing. Then they came for the guide horses, and still I kept silent /(39) Mon Apr 13 14:25:29 2009: (Yahoo) /Scary /Fear turns to anger after Aspen bomb scares. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering /(63) Mon Apr 13 14:25:31 2009: (Boston Globe) /Followup /"The story is about more than contraband seafood. It is a tale of lobsters on a death-defying journey, one marred by tragedy and for some, redemption." /(29) Mon Apr 13 14:25:34 2009: (Flickr) /Photoshop /Photoshop this Russian chapel /(109) Mon Apr 13 14:25:37 2009: (Washington Post) /Followup /The woman who kept that kids football in October? Yeah, she is suing the parents now /(126) Mon Apr 13 14:25:40 2009: (ABC News) /statusrange /42 year old woman's 2009 resolution: "Find any man... just so I am married in a year." Creates a website where men apply to meet her. Because there is nothing as attractive as a desperate woman past her "use by" date /(122) Mon Apr 13 14:25:42 2009: (Boston Globe) /clearool /Massachusetts police say they can not and will not enforce marijuana ban /(146) Mon Apr 13 14:25:45 2009: (AZCentral) /Followup /Not news: Cat stuck in a tree. News: Police Officer in pajamas waving his gun at the scene. Fark: sounds like Caturday /(401) Mon Apr 13 14:25:47 2009: (Some Guy) /Scary /Only thing worse than having one drunken Brit run amok on a flight? Having 40 of them going wild and trying to open the emergency exits at 20,000 feet /(88) Mon Apr 13 14:25:50 2009: (Mirror.co.uk) /statusrange /Man finds long-lost sister 43 years later, next street over /(21) Mon Apr 13 14:25:53 2009: (TampaBays10.com) /Florida /Radisson hotel clerk lets woman who lost her wallet stay for a couple of hours on Christmas day, and is widely praised by management for her holiday kindness. Just kidding, she was fired /(72) Mon Apr 13 14:25:55 2009: (CTV) /Scary /buddylistullet goes through suspects chest, through a wall, into a bystanders face, for a grand total of zero life threatening injuries. In Canada, even the bullets are nice /(42) Mon Apr 13 14:25:58 2009: (Telegraph) /Obvious /Karl Lagerfeld defends fur industry: "Beasts would kill us if we didn't kill them first" /(134) Mon Apr 13 14:26:01 2009: (TBO) /Florida /clearan you heal me now? /(29) Mon Apr 13 14:26:03 2009: (Flickr) /Photoshop /Photoshop some life into this mausoleum /(61) Mon Apr 13 14:26:06 2009: (Some Guy) /Debugumbass /accountsnd you thought your boss was an asshole /(287) Mon Apr 13 14:26:08 2009: (UPI) /Obvious /Researchers have confirmed the benefits of plants on surgery patients. Most patients prefer them rolled into joints rather than placed on their bedside table /(29) Mon Apr 13 14:26:11 2009: (MSNBC) /Obvious /accountspparently so many people aren't buying DTV converter boxes that the program is running out of money. A government program that underestimated funding needs? How'd that happen? /(222) Mon Apr 13 14:26:14 2009: Fri January 02, 2009 Mon Apr 13 14:26:16 2009: (Newsweek) /Fail /"Police in North Dakota say 17-year-old called 911 to report a drunken driver: herself" /(119) Mon Apr 13 14:26:19 2009: (Daily Star) /Debugumbass /Nanny state tries to stop girls' toys being made in pink because pink melts childrens' brains /(125) Mon Apr 13 14:26:22 2009: (AP) /Weird /If you have been trying to reach an Alabama unemployment hot line and get a lady in California try again...you will get another lady in California...and another /(34) Mon Apr 13 14:26:24 2009: (National Post) /helpero /Why Canada's Highway of Heroes is a model of how other nations should salute their war dead. Or, other nations could just keep bringing them back on cargo flights to military bases at 3 a.m (pic) /(192) Mon Apr 13 14:26:27 2009: (News.com.au) /accountsmusing /Not news: police in Sydney arrest man for drink-driving and possession of cocaine and viagra. Fark: he says he was on his way to pick up Paris Hilton /(35) Mon Apr 13 14:26:29 2009: (The Sun) /sayppy /accounts slideshow of the world's cutest interracial couple. The Sun is there, and is cutting across all barriers /(83) Mon Apr 13 14:26:32 2009: (International Herald Tribune) /accountsmusing /"Want to drive a convoy of trucks loaded with fuel across Afghanistan? Be prepared to pay a $6,000 bribe per truck, so the police will not tip off the Taliban." In the US we call that a "tax" /(47) Mon Apr 13 14:26:35 2009: (DFW Star-Telegram) /Spiffy /buddylistest jail EVER. Cells that lock from the inside, unidentified pills strewn about, and recliners in some cells /(37) Mon Apr 13 14:26:37 2009: (St. Petersburg Times) /Unlikely /clearouple buys 80-year-old penthouse of Babe Ruth. Who knew they'd been publishing for that long? /(26) Mon Apr 13 14:26:40 2009: (WRAL) /accountssinine /clearold-hearted North Carolina police ticket the ice cream man. WRAL has the scoop /(52) Mon Apr 13 14:26:43 2009: (AJC) /accountssinine /Man sits in jail for eight months without a lawyer, let alone a trial, because the state refuses to pay for one. You stay classy, Georgia /(126) Mon Apr 13 14:26:45 2009: (Some Guy) /Interesting /For $50K you can be the proud owner of the Topeka, KS school that was the subject of Brown v. Board of Education /(44) Mon Apr 13 14:26:48 2009: (WBAL Baltimore) /Debugumbass /Man lighting illegal fireworks while facing strong winds starts New Years off with a bang, skin grafts /(15) Mon Apr 13 14:26:50 2009: (Daily Mail) /Weird /Man relishes the chance to get into the record books by sucking an entire bottle of ketchup through a straw. Mustard been tough to do /(40) Mon Apr 13 14:26:53 2009: (News 8 Austin) /Fail /Group takes "polar plunge" into pool. A 70-degree pool /(98) Mon Apr 13 14:26:56 2009: (Toronto Star) /Interesting /Top ten places in the world that beat Detroit for worst place to live /(88) Mon Apr 13 14:26:58 2009: (Denver Post) /accountsmusing /Porcupines are destroying the trees, doors, tool handles, footwear and vehicle tires in Telluride. "It's all just a mystery" /(52) Mon Apr 13 14:27:01 2009: (NWANews.com) /accountssinine /Notice to all: if your girlfriend films a 16-year-old in the shower, admits to police she did it to frame you, then beats you with a shovel you will still go to jail in Arkansas /(137) Mon Apr 13 14:27:04 2009: (News 10 ABC Sacramento) /Scary /15,000 criminals might get out of prison early, so California doesn't go broke /(116) Mon Apr 13 14:27:06 2009: (Fox News) /sayd /Somewhere in the world today we have a new world's oldest person. Congratulations /(23) Mon Apr 13 14:27:09 2009: (TC Palm) /Florida /Would-be criminal's not-so-great start to the new year: falls through vent, breaks toilet, gets bit by police dog, and photo online for all the world to see /(12) Mon Apr 13 14:27:11 2009: (The Smoking Gun) /accountsmusing /The Smoking Gun's first mugshot round up of the year will leave you seeing stars /(176) Mon Apr 13 14:27:14 2009: (Some Guy) /Spiffy /accounts review of 2008: The year in beer /(52) Mon Apr 13 14:27:17 2009: (Spiegel) /Photoshop /Photoshop this detector digging /(42) Mon Apr 13 14:27:19 2009: (St. Petersburg Times) /Florida /It's never a good thing when a dude dressed as a woman hops into your truck, starts fondling you, and says, "I need to make 20 bucks" /(77) Mon Apr 13 14:27:22 2009: (ABC News) /statusrange /Mother explains why she's still breast-feeding her 6-year old: "When he needs comforting, he will ask his mother for 'nummies'." (w/creepy video) /(440) Mon Apr 13 14:27:24 2009: (USA Today) /Interesting /Reverend tries to live like Jesus for a year, but fails. "If you get serious about the Bible, it will really mess you up" /(172) Mon Apr 13 14:27:27 2009: (Google) /accountsmusing /Greek crew attacked by pirates. It worked out as well as it did for Xerxes /(61) Mon Apr 13 14:27:30 2009: (Yahoo) /sayd /I know why the caged bird sings: it's trapped in a trailer with a dead fat woman /(35) Mon Apr 13 14:27:32 2009: (Seacoastonline.com) /clearool /The best mug shot of a guy who superglued his neighbor's door lock that you'll see all day /(71) Mon Apr 13 14:27:35 2009: (Yahoo) /Followup /accountsirline that insisted yesterday that it did nothing wrong by booting nine Muslims from a flight, and therefore would not apologize to them or reimburse their tickets; has now apologized and offered to reimburse their tickets /(312) Mon Apr 13 14:27:37 2009: (Newsday) /statusrange /lastlogearning to count Fark headline style: 1) man walks 2) miles to hospital with 3) gunshot wounts in torso /(44) Mon Apr 13 14:27:40 2009: (LA Times) /Interesting /Volvo to release a "crash proof car" that will ensure that by 2020 noone is killed or injured in a Volvo, sales of automatic ejector seats will go through the roof /(84) Mon Apr 13 14:27:43 2009: (USA Today) /Spiffy /If you ever wanted to smell, taste, and feel the need to use the urinal all at once, the 'Heineken Experience' reopens in Amsterdam /(83) Mon Apr 13 14:27:45 2009: (WSMV) /Unlikely /accountsrmy recalls 50-year-old vet, who separated over 15 years ago, to deploy overseas until 2010. Talk about hitting bottom of the barrel /(300) Mon Apr 13 14:27:48 2009: (Sun Sentinel) /Florida /clearunning thief robs bank, dye pack explodes, doesn't get deterred, gets away. OH THE HUED MAN INDEED /(78) Mon Apr 13 14:27:51 2009: (CNN) /Debugumbass /helpow do you get tricked into becoming a suicide bomber? Ask this guy /(146) Mon Apr 13 14:27:53 2009: (Michigan Messenger) /Silly /Michigan, having solved all its other problems, reverses the ban on hanging fuzzy dice from your rearview mirror /(51) Mon Apr 13 14:27:56 2009: (AP) /Weird /accountspparently when people think "I need to kill myself" they also are likely to think "hey why don't I do it in a National Park?" /(126) Mon Apr 13 14:27:58 2009: (CBS News) /Fail /Woman accidentally shoots boyfriend while trying to commit suicide. YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG /(61) Mon Apr 13 14:28:01 2009: (Boston Globe) /accountsmusing /buddylistoston looks to Detroit as an example of success, because, when one thinks of success, one immediately thinks of Detroit /(89) Mon Apr 13 14:28:04 2009: (610wiod.com) /Florida /Thousands of shoes litter Palmetto Expressway. OH THE SHOE-MANITY /(66) Mon Apr 13 14:28:06 2009: (Google) /Interesting /accountsustralia refuses to accept Gitmo detainees. Because the last thing Australia wants is a bunch of criminals from another country /(92) Mon Apr 13 14:28:09 2009: (London Times) /Fail /pluginsane crashes onto train line cutting off rail services to part of Britain no-one wants to visit anyway /(62) Mon Apr 13 14:28:12 2009: (My Fox Colorado) /statusupid /Forgetting its New Years resolution to only report serious news, the media presents this hard hitting story about a man who decorates his house in Budweiser beer cans /(40) Mon Apr 13 14:28:14 2009: (WFTV) /Florida /buddylisteating a woman and stealing her money and cell phone: Criminal. Answering stolen cell phone: Dumbass criminal. Using cell phone to meet up with victim's boyfriend, ending in your arrest: Florida criminal /(46) Mon Apr 13 14:28:17 2009: (The Local (Sweden)) /sayd /What a Saab story: Swedes buying air freshener that smells of new leather and vinyl when they can no longer afford new wheels /(37) Mon Apr 13 14:28:19 2009: (Las Vegas Sun) /Obvious /Jesus appears in woman's floor tile (pic). With priceless quote from her brother. Article written by a man named Pope /(123) Mon Apr 13 14:28:22 2009: (BBC) /Spiffy /Why is braille so brilliant? See for yourself /(111) Mon Apr 13 14:28:25 2009: (Some Guy) /Debugumbass /Naked woman charged with child abuse, resisting arrest, assault on a peace officer, disorderly conduct, criminal mischief, possession of a controlled substance and public intoxication. She's been busy /(62) Mon Apr 13 14:28:27 2009: (Telegraph) /Spiffy /360 degree mirror is 'every woman's dream'...apparently it puts the seat down on the toilet and knows where the g-spot is /(135) Mon Apr 13 14:28:30 2009: (Telegraph) /Interesting /Neighbors call the police after spotting a science-fiction fan armed with a longbow. Suspect dons Cloak of Embarassment +3 after cops track him down /(124) Mon Apr 13 14:28:32 2009: (KXLY) /statusrange /Police order man to stop clearing snow off neighbors' driveways /(108) Mon Apr 13 14:28:35 2009: (Mathaba) /Obvious /"I am profoundly troubled that the call of this council, issued nearly four days ago, for an end to the violence has gone unheeded," UN Secretary-general Ban Ki-moon said with a straight face /(361) Mon Apr 13 14:28:38 2009: (News.com.au) /Spiffy /We're all going to be having more sexual intercourse in 2009...well, except for you /(169) Mon Apr 13 14:28:40 2009: (Daily Mail) /sayppy /lastlogondon Ultrasound Centre offers service that uses scans to produce a bronze cast of the unborn clump of cells, will next offer silver casts of your ruptured appendix or gold casts of your kidney stones /(45) Mon Apr 13 14:28:43 2009: (Stop) /Photoshop /Photoshop this hammer time /(34) Mon Apr 13 14:28:46 2009: (Some Guy) /statusupid /accountspparently the French really know how to throw a new year's party. Over 1000 cars torched over the New Years eve celebrations. That, or they really don't like cars /(89) Mon Apr 13 14:28:48 2009: (BBC) /Interesting /Norway bans the buying of sex. Jewelry store owners devastated /(103) Mon Apr 13 14:28:51 2009: (Some Guy) /statusrange /clearouple that met through speed-dating now using speed-babysitting to find someone to watch their kid. "It's kind of a strange way to find someone, in the space of three minutes, who will care for your children" /(40) Mon Apr 13 14:28:53 2009: (Washington Post) /Debugumbass /Muslim family removed from plane after commenting on location of engines /(667) Mon Apr 13 14:28:56 2009: (CBS Baltimore) /Obvious /If you guessed 50 minutes until Baltimore's first homicide of 2009, put on your kevlar and step up to collect your prize /(100) Mon Apr 13 14:28:59 2009: (No wonder it's on Overstock.com) /statusupid /Nothing says "I have class" like a $2700 bronze yard statue featuring two children who appear to be farking /(149) Mon Apr 13 14:29:01 2009: (Daily Star) /Debugumbass /In an unorthodox bid to tackle the growing problem of binge drinking, the cost of beer in the UK is slashed to its lowest level in 20 years /(46) Mon Apr 13 14:29:04 2009: (TC Palm) /Interesting /People will still laugh at you behind your back when they find out what you do, but the market is currently booming for male nurses /(155) Mon Apr 13 14:29:06 2009: (SeattlePI) /Obvious /helponey makers who label their product "organic" fail to realize that bees can't tell a flower sprayed with pesticide from one that isn't /(74) Mon Apr 13 14:29:09 2009: (Daily Mail) /statusupid /Now vets can prescribe pills for your pets that will help relieve stress. Your dog wants a microbrew and a joint /(41) Mon Apr 13 14:29:12 2009: (Flickr) /Photoshop /Photoshop this half a pair of lamps /(62) Mon Apr 13 14:29:14 2009: (Stuff) /Silly /If you had "one" in the "number of days into the new year before someone auctions off a bit of food that looks like Jesus" pool, please step forward to claim your prize. Christ on a cracker /(51) Mon Apr 13 14:29:17 2009: (UPI) /Obvious /helpomeless man ordered by judge to stop going commando /(35) Mon Apr 13 14:29:20 2009: (News.com.au) /statusrange /accounts burning sensation is usually expected after a brothel visit...not during /(37) Mon Apr 13 14:29:22 2009: Thu January 01, 2009 Mon Apr 13 14:29:25 2009: (AP) /accountssinine /You thought YOUR New Year's Eve sucked? Try being unable to move or speak, and being forgotten on a bus overnight in 20 degree weather /(91) Mon Apr 13 14:29:27 2009: (Daily Express) /Unlikely /statusore owner who wanted to spend more time at home leaves his shop open and asks the public to "just leave the cash if they take anything" /(55) Mon Apr 13 14:29:30 2009: (BBC) /clearool /Family finds $4M classic car in deceased relative's garage /(144) Mon Apr 13 14:29:33 2009: (NME) /accountsmusing /Released documents from 1978 investigation finds that the Sex Pistols were such a threat to the fabric of society that legal actions were considered at the highest levels /(87) Mon Apr 13 14:29:35 2009: (Daily Mail) /accountssinine /If you're stupid enough to advertise your party on Facebook, you have to expect something like this to happen /(58) Mon Apr 13 14:29:38 2009: (Kare 11) /Obvious /If you keep $250,000 in hundred dollar bills in a safe in your house, you might want to lock it before inviting your two teen grandchildren to spend Christmas Day /(97) Mon Apr 13 14:29:41 2009: (MSNBC) /Interesting /Two brothers, on their own dime, do something the U.S. Navy couldn't...find their father's sub that sank 65 years ago /(62) Mon Apr 13 14:29:43 2009: (News.com.au) /accountssinine /Fresh from the "It seemed like a good idea at the time" Files: Police set up breath testing station at only exit to 3-day music festival with 15,000 people inside /(124) Mon Apr 13 14:29:46 2009: (CNN) /statusupid /Thieves steal a $10k statue owned by investment fraud Bernie Madoff. They later return it with a note that says "lesson: return rightful property to its owners." Yeah, THAT did it. He is a changed man now /(46) Mon Apr 13 14:29:48 2009: (Providence Journal) /sayd /Former Rhode Island senator Claiborne Pell, who gave us Pell grants, dies at age 90 /(129) Mon Apr 13 14:29:51 2009: (CBC) /Interesting /statusudy shows that French Canadians can't sleep, pronounce "th", pass a strip club or poutine stand /(33) Mon Apr 13 14:29:54 2009: (Daily Express) /Debugumbass /Train driver refuses to stop at any stations because the "satnav is broken" /(41) Mon Apr 13 14:29:56 2009: (Daily Mail) /sayd /Woman with inoperable brain tumor spends her first and last Christmas with her ten-month old twins /(121) Mon Apr 13 14:29:59 2009: (10TV) /Scary /2009 Mother of the Year challenger enters competition 4:15 a.m. January 1. Brings cocaine, baby and wrong-way interstate driving to the talent portion of the competition /(36) Mon Apr 13 14:30:01 2009: (Daily Record (UK)) /Debugumbass /Millionaire lawyer fined for serving his date spotted dick for dessert at fancy restaurant /(44) Mon Apr 13 14:30:04 2009: (MSNBC) /Spiffy /If they lose it, they will come /(56) Mon Apr 13 14:30:07 2009: (Toronto Star) /accountsmusing /Nova Scotia couple amused to get Christmas card from anonymous stranger in Florida, addressed only to 'Hick In The Woods.' "We laughed our fool heads off," say bumpkins /(64) Mon Apr 13 14:30:09 2009: (Houston Press) /statusupid /Urine trouble if you let this Pole treat your cancer, and ureter wasted or urea fool to visit his orifice. Urinal lot of trouble, and urethra sucker or stoned if you swallow his speel. I'm not kidneys a real dick /(64) Mon Apr 13 14:30:12 2009: (Some Guy) /Photoshop /Photoshop this strangely staged scene /(43) Mon Apr 13 14:30:15 2009: (Some Gray) /Unlikely /accountsrt Bell returns to field more 2009 predictions, the best combo of tinfoil & volatility this side of Jiffy Pop /(96) Mon Apr 13 14:30:17 2009: (SlashFilm) /clearool /"Back to the Future" to be remade, Bollywood style: "Ravi? Ravi. It's Suroosh - your cousin Suroosh Shankar. You know that new sound you're looking for? Listen to this" /(149) Mon Apr 13 14:30:20 2009: (AP) /statusupid /You want to stop a friend from driving drunk, do you A) Take his Keys B) Give him a ride, or C) Blast his windshield with paintballs? /(59) Mon Apr 13 14:30:22 2009: (FARK) /Survey /Post your prediction for 2009. Difficulty: one prediction per post. Link goes to Fark's prediction thread for 2008, a few of which were actually right /(975) Mon Apr 13 14:30:25 2009: (AP) /Scary /accountsnother sign of the bad economy: drug dealers taking gift cards as payment /(82) Mon Apr 13 14:30:28 2009: (Telegraph) /Weird /Man convicted of writing "rude comments" about women in public toilets prohibited from owning pens for three years /(59) Mon Apr 13 14:30:30 2009: (BBC) /Obvious /clearuba celebrates 50 years of revolution. Citizens reportedly very, very dizzy /(77) Mon Apr 13 14:30:33 2009: (FARK) /Spiffy /clearongratulations to the winners of Fark's 2008 Headline of the Year contest /(160) Mon Apr 13 14:30:36 2009: (The Sun) /helpero /"He looked like he had had a few drinks and decided to do a late-night break in, but he hadn't counted on the God of Thunder living here" (pic) /(81) Mon Apr 13 14:30:38 2009: (Daily Mail) /accountsmusing /buddylistirdwatcher travels to Norway to catch glimpse of rare bird, only to find one nesting in her garden when she gets home /(39) Mon Apr 13 14:30:41 2009: (KTUL) /PSA /The Oklahoma Turnpike Authority would appreciate it if you would please stop throwing dirty diapers in their toll machines /(72) Mon Apr 13 14:30:43 2009: (9 News) /statusrange /Officer's powerful premature discharge from cleaning his gun goes through a wall and into a bathroom, hitting his wife. That's his story and he's sticking to it /(84) Mon Apr 13 14:30:46 2009: (AOL) /Debugumbass /Two teens set sleeping teen's hair on fire just to film it in their camera phone. With big dumb-looking teen mugshot /(95) Mon Apr 13 14:30:49 2009: (CSMonitor) /Misc /European Union to be taken over by ultraconservative nationalist from Prague. He says he's looking for more like him, but there just aren't many good places to cache Czechs /(83) Mon Apr 13 14:30:51 2009: (Some Guy) /Followup /Snowplow driver fired after driving his truck into the river, right next to the van he'll now be living in /(26) Mon Apr 13 14:30:54 2009: (Some Guy) /Spiffy /January is National Blood Donor Month, followed by February's "Vampire Weight Loss Challenge" /(46) Mon Apr 13 14:30:57 2009: (NASA) /clearool /Some beautiful time lapse videos of the heavens /(20) Mon Apr 13 14:30:59 2009: (BBC) /Followup /Fireworks reportedly to blame in deadly fire at Bangkok nightclub. Members of Great White thankful they have alibis /(23) Mon Apr 13 14:31:02 2009: (CNN) /Interesting /mexican authorities capture drug trafficker known as "The Strawberry". "The Gooden", "The Dykstra" still at large /(38) Mon Apr 13 14:31:04 2009: (Newsday) /Debugumbass /In a chilling last-minute upset, Long Island man wins Excellence in Seamanship award for 2008 /(18) Mon Apr 13 14:31:07 2009: (AP) /Weird /prefsiest tries to move a fallen tree from a road, and a second tree falls, killing him. Authorities say the only witness was a red-eyed black rotweiler, and they also noted a strange low chanting sound in latin /(39) Mon Apr 13 14:31:10 2009: (BBC) /Spiffy /buddylistaby born on Northwest Airlines transatlantic flight, already lost by luggage handlers /(72) Mon Apr 13 14:31:12 2009: (Some Guy) /Photoshop /Photoshop this boy at the board /(51) Mon Apr 13 14:31:15 2009: (Miami Herald) /Misc /Truck hauling eggs ovaturns, rescuers scramble to help. Omelette you know, it was dangerous. No yolk /(67) Mon Apr 13 14:31:17 2009: (AP) /Interesting /buddylistaltimore's murder rate declined in 2008. Authorities attribute success to new program: "hey lets call 'The Wire' a reality show, and broadcast it free to the projects and to inmates" /(51) Mon Apr 13 14:31:20 2009: (NJ.com) /sayd /buddylistattleship New Jersey to cut hours, reschedule invasion of Delaware /(56) Mon Apr 13 14:31:23 2009: (FARK) /Survey /Fark's 2008 Headline of the Year contest: Puns and wordplay (details in thread) /(64) Mon Apr 13 14:31:25 2009: (WFTV) /Florida /You're dissatisfied with the long wait at a hospital ER. Do you a) take a deep breath and count to 10, b) complain, or c) say you've planted a bomb and run out of the building? Take your time, but consider the tag for this story /(34) Mon Apr 13 14:31:28 2009: (Some Maine-iac) /Debugumbass /Two Rhode Island men hike to a cabin in New Hampshire only to discover that they know nothing about being in a cabin in New Hampshire /(98) Mon Apr 13 14:31:31 2009: (Some Guy) /Interesting /clearanadians increasingly drinking their faces off to get to sleep, forget they live in Canada /(55) Mon Apr 13 14:31:33 2009: (Some Guy) /Photoshop /Photoshop these pipes of privacy /(32) Mon Apr 13 14:31:36 2009: (Fox Toledo) /Interesting /"At midnight, a huge lit up sausage gets dropped in Elmore every New Years Eve." Yeah, thats what she said /(27) Mon Apr 13 14:31:38 2009: (Metro) /statusrange /Physically disabled duck teaches kids about quacking barriers [w/pic] /(38) Mon Apr 13 14:31:41 2009: (Haiku You Too) /Ironic /2008: A Year in Haiku /(117) Mon Apr 13 14:31:44 2009: (BBC) /Interesting /New Year's resolutions found to be bad for your health /(33) Mon Apr 13 14:31:46 2009: (Channel 4) /statusrange /No happy endings when police force tries to give employees Indian head massages /(30) Mon Apr 13 14:31:49 2009: (nbcdfwbbq) /Obvious /Tips for avoiding New Year's Day hangover: (1) don't drink enough; or (2) drink enough to sleep until Jan 2nd /(74) Mon Apr 13 14:31:52 2009: (Wikipedia) /Misc /2009 is off to a good start where it has happened. No one, at least semi-famous has died yet /(99) Mon Apr 13 14:31:54 2009: (Farktography) /Farktography /Theme of Farktography Contest No. 191: "B-Sides and Unreleased Tracks". Details and rules in the first post. LGT next week's theme /(109) Mon Apr 13 14:31:57 2009: Wed December 31, 2008 Mon Apr 13 14:31:59 2009: (ABC 4) /accountsmusing /Today's lesson, children, 'Stop flicking boogers at your classmates' /(24) Mon Apr 13 14:32:02 2009: (TBO) /Florida /This one time, in band camp, I played skin flute with the band director /(55) Mon Apr 13 14:32:05 2009: (FARK) /clearool /Official New Year's Eve thread. You submitted this with a better year /(397) Mon Apr 13 14:32:07 2009: (WFTV) /Florida /Woman Arrested After Hitting Self With Frying Pan. Wait, what? (w/mugshot) /(90) Mon Apr 13 14:32:10 2009: (Google) /Weird /Not news: Man arrested. News: for breaking into home. Fark: his own home. "He broke into the garage and house, grabbed the booty, and took off in the car" /(38) Mon Apr 13 14:32:13 2009: (C|Net) /clearool /accounts complete brewery inside of a 2-foot by 8-foot kitchen counter? It's more awesome than you think /(81) Mon Apr 13 14:32:15 2009: (Reuters) /sayd /One fire in Bangkok leaves the nightclub crumbled / It left the New Year's corpses extra crispy / I can hear the devil sliding up to me /(72) Mon Apr 13 14:32:18 2009: (Canada.com) /sayppy /Mystery visitors leave gifts on disabled vet's doorstep on each of the 12 days leading up to Christmas. Submitter seems to have something in his eye /(51) Mon Apr 13 14:32:20 2009: (The Earth Times) /Interesting /New Year's resolution to give up alcohol can be bad for your health /(81) Mon Apr 13 14:32:23 2009: (Wikipedia) /Photoshop /Photoshop theme: worst movie/TV show remake idea you can imagine. Difficulty - good luck topping some of the stuff already out /(126) Mon Apr 13 14:32:26 2009: (The Smoking Gun) /Followup /accountssked why he ran a stop sign, a drunk Charles Barkley told cops that he was in a hurry to pick up a girl who, a week earlier, gave him the greatest blow job of his life /(232) Mon Apr 13 14:32:28 2009: (Some Guy) /Debugumbass /If you want to keep your job as NASA adminstrator do you (a) claim that the shuttle will blow up if you lose your job (b) call the people on the transition team "liars" (c) have your wife beg for your job (d) All of the above /(51) Mon Apr 13 14:32:31 2009: (Dallas News) /Debugumbass /Debugesperate for a job? Do you A) Use a recruiter, B) Brush up the old resume, or C) Put up a $1200, three-day billboard ad advertising yourself as a "savvy chic stylopolitan fashion guru" (w/ pic) /(192) Mon Apr 13 14:32:33 2009: (Financial Times) /Scary /clearar bomb rocks Bilbao in Spain. Gandalf and Gimli reportedly escaped uninjured /(63) Mon Apr 13 14:32:36 2009: (CTV) /accountsmusing /helpiro Nakamura and Ando Masahashi wanted in violent home invasion. Police claim suspects seem to have simply disappeared /(57) Mon Apr 13 14:32:39 2009: (Some Guy) /sayppy /Debugoctor tells woman her liver looks like a "dried up old meatloaf," gives her about 10 minutes to live until another woman's liver replaces the meatloaf. Man, I'm hungry /(41) Mon Apr 13 14:32:41 2009: (SLTrib) /Unlikely /buddylistar owner says state's new smoking ban doesn't apply to cigarettes because they don't meet the state's tax-code definition of "tobacco product." /(156) Mon Apr 13 14:32:44 2009: (TwinCities.com) /statusrange /clearharges dropped against a man who poached a deer... with a crossbow... on an urban interstate highway... during morning rush hour /(65) Mon Apr 13 14:32:47 2009: (Dallas News) /Interesting /"First baby of the year" now overshadowed by "Holy crap induce labor before the new year so we don't have to pay our insurance deductible" babies /(88) Mon Apr 13 14:32:49 2009: (FARK) /Survey /Fark's 2008 Headline of the Year contest: Business (details in thread) /(90) Mon Apr 13 14:32:52 2009: (Philly) /Interesting /Sinkhole swallows Philadelphia Water Department truck (with pic goodness) /(77) Mon Apr 13 14:32:54 2009: (FARK) /Survey /Fark's 2008 Headline of the Year contest: Politics (details in thread) /(129) Mon Apr 13 14:32:57 2009: (Telegraph) /clearool /202 candles. Dayum /(63) Mon Apr 13 14:33:00 2009: (MSNBC) /Obvious /Radical new plan in Washington suggests instead of giving incarcerated illegals three square meals a day and two showers a week, they should be deported /(249) Mon Apr 13 14:33:02 2009: (Denver Post) /Interesting /7-11 is recalling its burritos out of concerns they may be contaminated with Listeria monocyto genes. Then again, if you eat 7-11 burritos, that's probably the least of your problems /(96) Mon Apr 13 14:33:05 2009: (Newsday) /Misc /Public health at risk because NY state's environmental dept underpays clam inspectors. Those shellfish bastards /(43) Mon Apr 13 14:33:07 2009: (Nerve) /clearool /The coolest collection of the year's most ridiculous news photos you'll see, well, all year /(76) Mon Apr 13 14:33:10 2009: (Cincinnati Enquirer) /statusupid /Pop quiz, hotshot: You get hurt playing a sport. Do you: A) play through the pain, B) put some ice on it, C) file a lawsuit. What do you do? What do you do? /(104) Mon Apr 13 14:33:13 2009: (Columbia Tribune) /statusupid /Missouri lawmakers look to boost economy by increasing the value of novelty lighters /(80) Mon Apr 13 14:33:15 2009: (Washington Post) /Misc /lastlogist of things besides 'the ball' dropped across the country during the countdown to New Year's. 'Pants' surprisingly not on the list /(68) Mon Apr 13 14:33:18 2009: (SF Weekly) /statusupid /sayn Francisco Weekly scrapes the absolute bottom of the barrel to pull through 2008 and offers up a LOLcat year in review /(120) Mon Apr 13 14:33:21 2009: (Baltimore Sun) /helpero /accountsctual Headline "Oregon woman, 88, fends off naked intruder by grabbing the man's crotch and squeezing" /(86) Mon Apr 13 14:33:23 2009: (FARK) /Survey /Fark's 2008 Headline of the Year contest: Showbiz (details in thread) /(69) Mon Apr 13 14:33:26 2009: (JSOnline) /Debugumbass /Milwaukee man who campaigned against dunk driving is arrested for ... ah, go ahead and guess /(143) Mon Apr 13 14:33:28 2009: (AFP) /statusrange /Italian men who set off illegal fireworks may not get to have sex, will have to keep their Roman Candles to themselves /(34) Mon Apr 13 14:33:31 2009: (SFGate) /Obvious /"News flash: There is no such thing as objectivity in American journalism" /(97) Mon Apr 13 14:33:34 2009: (TC Palm) /Florida /If your girlfriend suspects you have "trick hoes", better keep the knives away from her /(51) Mon Apr 13 14:33:36 2009: (The Record) /accountssinine /Man arrested for impersonating a police officer because he was wearing a T-shirt that said "Police" on it; charges of being a Sting fan still pending /(165) Mon Apr 13 14:33:39 2009: (Toronto Star) /Scary /Enjoy the stunning view of Lake Ontario...for the next two-and-a-half hours /(74) Mon Apr 13 14:33:42 2009: (Some Udon Guy) /Weird /accountsngered by noodle impurities that sickened his daughter, Korean father ramens his car through factory gate /(34) Mon Apr 13 14:33:44 2009: (Sun Sentinel) /Florida /Not News: Fender bender in small town. News: Former City Comissioner to the rescue. Fark: While he's helping, thieves steal his bike /(12) Mon Apr 13 14:33:47 2009: (FARK) /Survey /Fark's 2008 Headline of the Year contest: Geek (details in thread) /(58) Mon Apr 13 14:33:49 2009: (FARK) /Survey /Fark's 2008 Headline of the Year contest: Sports (details in thread) /(94) Mon Apr 13 14:33:52 2009: (Cracked) /Interesting /Finally, a Cracked list that could save the life of many a Farker. 10 Drinking Myths That Can Kill You /(265) Mon Apr 13 14:33:55 2009: (Some Guy) /Scary /Not news: man decides to go outside for a breath of fresh air. Fark: he was 30,000 feet over the Caribbean at the time /(43) Mon Apr 13 14:33:58 2009: (NW Florida Daily News) /Florida /Man exposes himself to deputies while explaining he didn't mean to expose himself while complimenting family's dog. During questioning, "he was asked repeatedly to close his legs" /(38) Mon Apr 13 14:34:00 2009: (Daily Mail) /Debugumbass /Woman who couldn't afford Christmas presents for her children wins hours /(35) Mon Apr 13 14:34:02 2009: (Some Bored Shopper) /Photoshop /It's a chair. Photoshop it /(80) Mon Apr 13 14:34:05 2009: (WOAI) /accountsmusing /Woman apparently confused as to what state she lives in shoots out tires of repo man taking her car /(68) Mon Apr 13 14:34:08 2009: (My San Antonio) /Unlikely /39-year-old musician from Los Angeles goes to court to lay claim to south Texas dry-land shipwreck with $3 billion in treasure and uses Google Earth to make sure that nobody is excavating site. Oh, and don't forget about the cannibal tribe /(82) Mon Apr 13 14:34:10 2009: (Some Maine-iac) /Spiffy /103-year-old woman credits her longevity to coffee, doughnuts, peanut butter and cheese. Behold the power of cheese /(52) Mon Apr 13 14:34:13 2009: (Google) /Fail /New law going into effect Thursday requires Georgia's 16,000 registered sex offenders to give not-so-tech savvy authorities their screen names and email passwords. 16,000 new email accounts expected to be created by Friday morning /(102) Mon Apr 13 14:34:16 2009: (News.com.au) /Spiffy /It's now fashionable to be like a 1950's housewife as more and more young women master the arts of sewing, cooking, knitting, gardening, and raising chooks /(186) Mon Apr 13 14:34:19 2009: (ABC News) /Debugumbass /Fark's favorite news reporter informs us that gas fireplaces save money and the earth, failing to realize that natural gas does not come from Bartertown, is not controlled by Master Blaster /(61) Mon Apr 13 14:34:21 2009: (My San Antonio) /accountssinine /helpot Catholic Texas high school teacher fired because she... got married? /(300) Mon Apr 13 14:34:24 2009: (Some Maine-iac) /Debugumbass /Working toward a Maine tag: Man does several thousand dollars damage to a civic center and gets a DWI, while on a Zamboni /(37) Mon Apr 13 14:34:27 2009: (AP) /accountsmusing /"If I see one more corporation declare itself 'green,' I'm going to start burning tires in my backyard," /(214) Mon Apr 13 14:34:29 2009: (London Times) /statusupid /Nanny State discontinues making offenders on work furlough wear bright orange jackets because the precious little prisoner snowflakes can't handle the taunting /(45) Mon Apr 13 14:34:32 2009: (AZCentral) /Silly /News: Man says that after women fought for the right to wear pants, men should be able to wear skirts. Fark: "Dear Abby" agrees. "Who's to say you're not on the leading edge of what's to come?" /(145) Mon Apr 13 14:34:34 2009: (Abc.net.au) /accountssinine /Victoria, Australia bans electric cigarettes. In other news: there are electric cigarettes /(138) Mon Apr 13 14:34:37 2009: (OC Register) /statusrange /If your kid got shot by the cops, you'd want compensation, too. This family wants some money and a memorial statue at Disneyland /(54) Mon Apr 13 14:34:40 2009: (Some Guy) /clearool /Teen earns all 121 merit badges offered by the Boy Scouts. He's prepared /(160) Mon Apr 13 14:34:42 2009: (Gawker) /Obvious /clearongress: "Obama's inauguration will most likely kill you, stay away." Crush level crowds expected everywhere in city /(315) Mon Apr 13 14:34:45 2009: (Fox News) /accountssinine /accountsnother year, another look at wacky laws still on the books: In West Virginia it is illegal to taunt someone who decides not to participate in a duel or who declines to accept a challenge /(148) Mon Apr 13 14:34:47 2009: (The Sun) /Interesting /What's black and white and red all over? Hint: The Sun is there /(81) Mon Apr 13 14:34:50 2009: (Flickr) /Photoshop /Photoshop these old bicycle tools /(48) Mon Apr 13 14:34:53 2009: (WWSB ABC 7) /Florida /Guy being chased by cops calls 911 to distract them. Pro Tip: probably should head opposite direction than the one you send the cops /(28) Mon Apr 13 14:34:55 2009: (New York Daily News) /sayd /Woody Allen's ex-wife's daughter, who is the sister of his daughter/wife and aunt to his grandchildren nieces-in-law passes away /(193) Mon Apr 13 14:34:58 2009: Tue December 30, 2008 Mon Apr 13 14:35:01 2009: (Rochester D&C) /helpero /accounts 72-year old man jumped from the second floor of his townhouse, broke through a first floor window and put out a fire. Where's the "badass" tag? /(90) Mon Apr 13 14:35:03 2009: (CBS Sacramento) /Obvious /accountsppeals court rules that sending someone to jail for 28 years for forgetting to tell authorities where you moved to is a bit much /(156) Mon Apr 13 14:35:06 2009: (The Morning Call) /Debugumbass /accountssshat arrested for calling 911 over 100 times for such complaints as a rock in his yard being moved 4 inches, pool water ruining his grass and children making noise /(113) Mon Apr 13 14:35:08 2009: (Daily Mail) /accountssinine /Man dies after a six-hour wait in a hospital because the staff was too busy posing for a calendar to help him /(155) Mon Apr 13 14:35:11 2009: (Some Giant) /Photoshop /Photoshop this gigantic operatic abduction /(51) Mon Apr 13 14:35:14 2009: (Spiegel) /clearaption /Give a voice to this face in a crowd /(198) Mon Apr 13 14:35:16 2009: (Abc.net.au) /clearool /Germany's newest tourist attraction: Beer Lake /(54) Mon Apr 13 14:35:19 2009: (Oregon Live) /accountsmusing /clearar wash worker drives away would-be robber with high-pressure wash hose. Police seeking shiny, pina colada scented man /(38) Mon Apr 13 14:35:22 2009: (Livenews) /statusrange /In a bid to make Egypt's streets less crappy, citizens urged to put diapers on their asses /(36) Mon Apr 13 14:35:24 2009: (AHN) /Debugumbass /Iranian students storm embassy. This is not a repeat from 1979 /(426) Mon Apr 13 14:35:27 2009: (9 News) /Debugumbass /buddylistreaking: Shanahan fired in Denver. Headline from 2009: Shanahan hired in Detroit /(378) Mon Apr 13 14:35:29 2009: (Some Chick) /Obvious /Smokers are urged to use the "Stay Quit Monday" concept and continuing with the "Eat Everything Tuesday" and finishing the week with "I Hate Everyone Because I Need A Cigarette Sunday" /(127) Mon Apr 13 14:35:32 2009: (WTOP) /Obvious /NASA releases 400-page report on Columbia crash detailing possible causes of astronaut fatalities, including falling 100,000 feet, sucking on vacuum, being exploded /(178) Mon Apr 13 14:35:35 2009: (Examiner) /Followup /buddylistristol Palin could receive $300,000 for baby pictures. IT'S A TRIPP /(189) Mon Apr 13 14:35:37 2009: (Reuters) /Silly /Survey reveals that the most desirable celebrity neighbor is Sarah Palin, presumably because people wouldn't have to worry about magazines being stolen from their mailboxes /(89) Mon Apr 13 14:35:40 2009: (City Pages) /accountssinine /Top 10 Douchebags of 2008. It's a slideshow, which means subby should be on the list /(228) Mon Apr 13 14:35:42 2009: (Deseret News) /Silly /What is it about Utah and questionable taste in gang tattoos? /(135) Mon Apr 13 14:35:45 2009: (MSNBC) /Scary /Q: What's the difference between Pakistan and a pancake? A: I don't know any pankaces that are going to go to war with India /(342) Mon Apr 13 14:35:48 2009: (Tacoma News Tribune) /accountssinine /megachurch Pastor Casey Treat is granted a permit to build a helipad at his church, so that he can be whisked in and out on the wings of angels just like Jesus would have wanted /(235) Mon Apr 13 14:35:50 2009: (Palm Beach Post) /Followup /Ten-year-old Internet sensation reporter denied credentials for inauguration /(64) Mon Apr 13 14:35:53 2009: (BBC) /accountsmusing /"Thank you for accessing your account through Barclays internet banking service. Your current balance is o prove their days of wild, unnecessary spending are over, Chrysler takes out full-page ads to thank tax-payers for "investing" in them with bailout money /(128) Mon Apr 13 14:35:56 2009: (Some Guys) /Photoshop /Photoshop this exercise in futility /(45) Mon Apr 13 14:35:58 2009: (Swissinfo) /clearool /Punk rock-ish chick takes the world of Alpine Hornblowing by storm, with obligatory does she give you the horn picture goodness /(199) Mon Apr 13 14:36:01 2009: (TampaBays10.com) /Florida /Time again for news agencies dust off their yearly stories about not celebrating New Year's with dangerous fireworks, firing guns into neighbors /(29) Mon Apr 13 14:36:03 2009: (Daily Camera) /Obvious /Pets drink more during the holidays, too. No word on whether they try to sleep with their high school classmates /(28) Mon Apr 13 14:36:06 2009: (Greenwood Index-Journal) /Debugumbass /statusep 1: woman comes home to find man breaking into her house. Step 2: woman stabs attacker. Step 3: attacker calls 911 to report he's been stabbed /(41) Mon Apr 13 14:36:09 2009: (Denver Post) /Interesting /Debugrunk man bangs on the door of the wrong house and is fatally shot. DA to decide if the homeowner is protected by the "Make my day" law, enacted shortly after the "Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya, punk?" shooting /(424) Mon Apr 13 14:36:11 2009: (News.com.au) /accountsmusing /Nipples and genitals out in new piercing rules. But you clicked as soon as you read "Nipples and genitals out", right? /(74) Mon Apr 13 14:36:14 2009: (The Sun) /statusupid /Ferret thinks it's a dog. The Sun is there /(88) Mon Apr 13 14:36:17 2009: (WFTV) /helpero /78-year-old Doctor honored as "Country Doctor of the year" for 50-years of house calls. Only charged $3 when he started, has been paid in apple pie, ad still sees up to 30 patients a day /(67) Mon Apr 13 14:36:19 2009: (Honolulu Star-Bulletin) /Sick /Man goes to put flowers on the graves of his family and finds the graves empty and the coffins sitting out in the sun /(168) Mon Apr 13 14:36:22 2009: (LA Times) /Obvious /buddylistreaking News: People who live in proximity to a liquor store tend to drink more /(124) Mon Apr 13 14:36:24 2009: (AP) /Fail /clearounty worker tries to clean off boat ramp with snowplow, ends up sinking $200,000 loader /(60) Mon Apr 13 14:36:27 2009: (Some Guy) /accountssinine /clearop won't let neighbor onto his yard to rescue his cat stuck in a tree. "It seems like I just have to sit here and watch my cat starve to death or freeze to death." /(330) Mon Apr 13 14:36:30 2009: (BBC) /Interesting /Kashmiri parties agree to coalition, soft comfortable fabric /(22) Mon Apr 13 14:36:32 2009: (NYPost) /Debugumbass /If you're stealing a car, make sure your cell phone doesn't accidentally dial 911 while it's in your pocket. "I got some guys on the phone . . . It's a cellphone but it sounds like they are ripping off a car." /(16) Mon Apr 13 14:36:35 2009: (MSNBC) /Followup /Police: 'Jena Six' teen shoots self, Jena Six Dumbass Trifecta now in play /(216) Mon Apr 13 14:36:37 2009: (Some guy who doesn't know art) /Ironic /Sculpture of a huge sail billowing in the wind gets destroyed by billowing wind /(37) Mon Apr 13 14:36:40 2009: (FARK) /Survey /Fark's 2008 HEADLINE OF THE YEAR contest (details in thread) /(170) Mon Apr 13 14:36:43 2009: (Don't Taze Me Bro) /Debugumbass /Sliding across a police officers hood Dukes of Hazzard style; That's a Tazin /(23) Mon Apr 13 14:36:45 2009: (Daily Mail) /clearool /accountsside from that guy who gets paid to drink beer, this chap might have the best job in the world /(61) Mon Apr 13 14:36:48 2009: (Chicago Sun-Times) /Followup /Remember all those smokers claiming that the indoor smoking ban would cripple bar business? Well, no pun intended, but suck it /(311) Mon Apr 13 14:36:51 2009: (WTOP) /accountssinine /The guy who wants "under God" removed from the pledge of allegiance has now set his sights on Obama's inauguration /(252) Mon Apr 13 14:36:53 2009: (WFTV) /Florida /While running away from police during a traffic stop is generally not a smart thing to do, leaving the car in gear so it rolls into a tree with a 2-year-old inside will certainly make matters worse /(21) Mon Apr 13 14:36:56 2009: (11 Alive) /clearool /Israeli navy rams Cynthia McKinney's boat. US support for Israel increases ten-fold /(370) Mon Apr 13 14:36:58 2009: (CNN) /Followup /Debugespite 375+ dead, Hamas defiant. They say they intend on fighting till the death, which is scheduled around 2 pm local time Saturday /(300) Mon Apr 13 14:37:01 2009: (WBBM) /Weird /I told you that you can't trust a bald man who paints himself blue....and it was already weird /(78) Mon Apr 13 14:37:04 2009: (Daily Mail) /Interesting /Woman woman woman on on on the the the pill pill pill gives gives gives birth birth birth to to to triplets triplets triplets /(124) Mon Apr 13 14:37:06 2009: (The Local (Sweden)) /accountsmusing /Swedish police place drunk skiers in freight containers. Detainees must prove they can slalom in a straight line prior to release /(47) Mon Apr 13 14:37:09 2009: (Some Guy) /Obvious /New York City organizers have "Good Riddance Day." The rest of the country will celebrate it January 20, 2009 /(128) Mon Apr 13 14:37:11 2009: (Some Guy) /sayd /The fish you are about to enjoy is certified dolphin-free. 50-year-old professional swimmers, however, may still be included /(55) Mon Apr 13 14:37:14 2009: (SMH) /Debugumbass /accountsustralian man attacks police with "great balls of fire". Goodness gracious /(34) Mon Apr 13 14:37:17 2009: (IOL) /clearool /Woman arrested in "marriage for money" scam. One down, three billion to go /(177) Mon Apr 13 14:37:19 2009: (Birmingham Evening Mail) /Followup /Woman gets pacemaker fitted to stop sandwiches from trying to kill her /(34) Mon Apr 13 14:37:22 2009: (Some Guy) /Debugumbass /When attempting an armed robbery, try to make sure that your gun doesn't fall apart in the middle of the heist /(43) Mon Apr 13 14:37:25 2009: (USA Today) /Fail /accountsirlines managed to cancel over 9,000 flights in the first few days of the holiday travel season. Coming soon: cancellation fees, bad weather surchages, and an irritation tax /(84) Mon Apr 13 14:37:27 2009: (Google) /Scary /"Swarm" of earthquakes at Yellowstone National Park. Suddenly bears stealing pic-a-nic baskets doesn't seem so scary T-Shirt /(305) Mon Apr 13 14:37:30 2009: (Some Guy) /Scary /Teen boy gets nailed with a hammer in Woodland, family pines for justice, victim maple through T-Shirt /(39) Mon Apr 13 14:37:32 2009: (Washington Post) /accountssinine /Some of our brave troops are also battling an enemy in the homeland: Ex-spouses suing for full custody of their kids on the premise that their service obligations make them unfit parents /(181) Mon Apr 13 14:37:35 2009: (Reuters) /Interesting /accountsustralians angry about Christian campaign to ban topless beaches in country out of fear it will make the country "look like prudes" /(97) Mon Apr 13 14:37:38 2009: (Some Guy) /Photoshop /Photoshop these festive runners /(39) Mon Apr 13 14:37:40 2009: (Daily Mail) /sayppy /Firefighters in Britain use baby oxygen masks to revive six cats from a house fire (with pic) /(42) Mon Apr 13 14:37:43 2009: (Science Daily) /accountssinine /buddylistecause smokers aren't persecuted enough, scientists warn about the dangers of "third-hand" smoke /(237) Mon Apr 13 14:37:45 2009: (DFW Star-Telegram) /Interesting /The only thing worse than a panhandler is a panhandler soliciting donations door-to-door. "That's where it started to cross the line in my mind." /(73) Mon Apr 13 14:37:48 2009: (BBC) /accountssinine /Nanny state recommends technological "speed limiters" be installed on cars to save lives and make sure no one complains that you're driving 60 in the fast lane /(96) Mon Apr 13 14:37:51 2009: (Some Guy) /Weird /clearonvenience store customer loudly complains of no syrup in the soda dispenser, then things get weird /(52) Mon Apr 13 14:37:53 2009: (News.com.au) /Spiffy /Scary: saltwater crocodile wanders through campsite. Proper Hard: 20 campers jump on crocodile and restrain it until wildlife workers arrive to remove it /(78) Mon Apr 13 14:37:56 2009: (The News Star) /Followup /Jena Six leader caught taking a five finger discount. Rev. Sharpton unavailable for comment /(226) Mon Apr 13 14:37:59 2009: (Guardian.com) /PSA /If you party until 2:00am and wake up at 6:30am to go to work, you're probably still drunk /(175) Mon Apr 13 14:38:01 2009: Mon December 29, 2008 Mon Apr 13 14:38:04 2009: (CNN) /Scary /Grunge causes a resurgence of heavy metal in Tennessee /(60) Mon Apr 13 14:38:06 2009: (DCExaminer) /sayd /Washington D.C.'s Toys For Cops program a big success /(36) Mon Apr 13 14:38:09 2009: (Wordpress) /Photoshop /Photoshop this blue light special /(63) Mon Apr 13 14:38:12 2009: (Breitbart.com) /helpero /accountstheist soldier sues US military over Christian bias. God help hi... er, uh. Good luck /(973) Mon Apr 13 14:38:14 2009: (Houston Chronicle) /accountssinine /statusudy shows an increase in wrecks at red-light camera sites, which, in the eyes of the city, somehow proves the cameras are working /(156) Mon Apr 13 14:38:17 2009: (AJC) /Obvious /People don't want to go to Atlanta because there's nothing to do there /(201) Mon Apr 13 14:38:19 2009: (Telegraph) /Interesting /European Neanderthals had ginger hair and freckles, shorter work weeks than western counterparts /(105) Mon Apr 13 14:38:22 2009: (TBO) /Florida /Debugid you cedar man who was arrested after he "began to make motions against a tree" simulating a sex act? Wonders why the cops won't leaf him alone, but he was just aspen for trouble /(90) Mon Apr 13 14:38:25 2009: (CBN) /Unlikely /clearandy canes may be healthy for you, according to study performed by Willy Wonka State University /(28) Mon Apr 13 14:38:27 2009: (People Magazine) /Interesting /sayrah Palin's second grandchild has arrived: Tripp Easton Mitchell Johnston. Who the hell names their kid Johnston? /(528) Mon Apr 13 14:38:30 2009: (News 10 ABC Sacramento) /sayd /When fired from your job do you 1) apply for unemployment, 2) sue for wrongful termination, or 3) kill the boss's dog with a shotgun /(87) Mon Apr 13 14:38:33 2009: (Seattle Times) /Obvious /clearouples in bedrooms across America debate whether they should let the economy decide if they have children or not. "We would like to repopulate the world with smart people." /(160) Mon Apr 13 14:38:35 2009: (Reuters) /Obvious /NYC tourists spent $30 billion in 2008, mostly on gum removal from shoes, bedbug treatments and dry cleaning to remove the smell of urine /(98) Mon Apr 13 14:38:38 2009: (International Herald Tribune) /statusrange /Thai policemen wear smiley face masks to "lift spirits of motorists" (pic) /(75) Mon Apr 13 14:38:40 2009: (CBS News) /Interesting /Kim Jong-Il attends concert. Among the songs he enjoyed: "All Hail the Not-Dead Dear Leader," "A Foot in the Grave Moves Socialism Forward," and "We Still Love You; Don't Kill Us" /(44) Mon Apr 13 14:38:43 2009: (Daily Herald) /Debugumbass /accountsdvice for all you aspiring bank robbers out there: When using a note to announce the stick-up, the back of your pay stub is not, repeat NOT, a suitable piece of paper /(14) Mon Apr 13 14:38:46 2009: (Palm Beach Post) /Florida /The bikini teacher is back. And she will fight you. Oh yes. She will fight you /(147) Mon Apr 13 14:38:48 2009: (JSOnline) /Fail /prefsotip: When designing a website for a state agency, make sure the picture of the skyline is one from that state /(66) Mon Apr 13 14:38:51 2009: (Chicago Tribune) /accountssinine /If you live in Chicago, the 8.50 a pack smokes that you can't smoke in bars may soon cost you 10 bucks. Oh yeah, and you might not be able to smoke in your own home anymore either /(270) Mon Apr 13 14:38:53 2009: (Canoe) /Interesting /Vancouver worried about snow for the 2010 Winter Olympics. Wait, what? /(61) Mon Apr 13 14:38:56 2009: (Some Guy) /Scary /Oregon Department of Transportation is considering using satellite technology and mandatory GPS transponders in vehicles to tax people according to how much they drive, find and kill Sarah Connor /(303) Mon Apr 13 14:38:59 2009: (Some Guy-atollah) /Photoshop /Photoshop this sand dune sitting dude /(83) Mon Apr 13 14:39:01 2009: (Kansas City) /sayd /accountsnother sign the economy is in the tank, people are abandoning ponies. You still can't have one. Not yours /(79) Mon Apr 13 14:39:04 2009: (Sun Sentinel) /Florida /Man arrested for trying to kill his girlfriend with a knife and fork. Reportedly didn't use a spoon because he hates Alanis Morissette songs /(53) Mon Apr 13 14:39:07 2009: (Reuters) /Scary /Eight snowmobilers lost after avalanche in Canada, say police, who apparently don't realize they're probably just under all that snow somewhere /(48) Mon Apr 13 14:39:09 2009: (SherboMan) /Spiffy /Irish man wins world sheep shagging contest. Shags 731 sheep in 8 hours, that's 0.65 sheep a minute and a whole lot of lube /(64) Mon Apr 13 14:39:12 2009: (Daily Mail) /Interesting /Size 14 women found to be happier about life than women who don't generate their own gravitational fields /(870) Mon Apr 13 14:39:14 2009: (WBBM) /Debugumbass /accountsnother sign of the bad economy: man chooses jail rather than paying a buck and a half for a soda. Or maybe he was just drunk /(23) Mon Apr 13 14:39:17 2009: (FARK) /Survey /Fark's 2008 Headline of the Year contest, Round 4: October through December (details in thread) /(108) Mon Apr 13 14:39:20 2009: (MSNBC) /Obvious /Scientists discover that visiting family "warps your brain." Their water team is also on the verge of confirming that water is, in fact, wet /(44) Mon Apr 13 14:39:22 2009: (BBC) /Debugumbass /Man convicted of having sex on Dubai beach bemoans the massive legal bill, calling it "An extremely expensive situation". Sounds like someone's got a little sand in their vagina /(155) Mon Apr 13 14:39:25 2009: (Yahoo) /Obvious /Debugr. Noshiat Sherlock of the Duh Institute says studies show gay teens less likely to use drugs or kill themselves if their parents don't freak the fark out when the teens "come out" to them /(141) Mon Apr 13 14:39:28 2009: (Local10) /Florida /lastlogocal 10 does a recap of Fark headlines for the past year, without mentioning Fark /(56) Mon Apr 13 14:39:30 2009: (Washington Post) /accountssinine /Debug.C. to ban smelly vagrants from sleeping in public libraries. And someone is actually opposed to that /(192) Mon Apr 13 14:39:33 2009: (AP) /Obvious /accountsnother sign of a bad economy: fewer tourists vacationing at the Sen. Craig bathroom in the Minneapolis airport /(35) Mon Apr 13 14:39:35 2009: (AZCentral) /Interesting /clearontroversial new "green" Bible hits the shelf. Noah's flood was a product of global warming and Jesus recycled all that fish and loaves of bread /(254) Mon Apr 13 14:39:38 2009: (Philly) /statusrange /...and in other news, apparently "Iceland is known as the hot dog capital of the world" /(77) Mon Apr 13 14:39:41 2009: (USA Today) /Debugumbass /More and more people are taking "polar bear plunges" into frigid water to help support the Special Olympics. In other news, more and more people are training for the Special Olympics by plunging into frigid water /(46) Mon Apr 13 14:39:43 2009: (Daily Mail) /accountssinine /Teacher fired for violating school dress code by wearing sneakers to class. Although he's the PE teacher /(81) Mon Apr 13 14:39:46 2009: (Daily Herald) /accountssinine /What happens when two co-workers from a car dealership are boozing in a parked car owned by the dealership and one of them overdoses? This is America, so obviously the family of the dead guy sues the dealership /(121) Mon Apr 13 14:39:48 2009: (Houston Chronicle) /Followup /Whistleblower lady who exposed contractor fraud and has waited six years for repairs found dead in her mold-infested, still-unrepaired home /(74) Mon Apr 13 14:39:51 2009: (FARK) /Survey /Fark's 2008 Headline of the Year contest, Round 3: July through September (details in thread) /(103) Mon Apr 13 14:39:54 2009: (USA Today) /Unlikely /Rules of the Recession, Part I: Your penny-pinching uncle and cheap first date are about to seem like much cooler people /(80) Mon Apr 13 14:39:56 2009: (Some Manly Man) /Interesting /"Any daily count of stories about things we now must fear, tallies in dozens. Is this the sign of a great people, this grovelling in what is petty, low, fearsome, or unequal?" /(114) Mon Apr 13 14:39:59 2009: (The Raw Story) /statusrange /accountsllen Ginsberg once called Henry Kissinger and suggested that to promote world peace they should appear on TV together...in the nude. Once again the superiority of recreational drugs from the 60s is demonstrated /(61) Mon Apr 13 14:40:02 2009: (Some Guy) /Fail /Not news, it's bad when the police break down your door during a training raid. News, it's really bad when it's the wrong house. Fark, It wasn't the police, it was the fire department /(29) Mon Apr 13 14:40:04 2009: (ProJo.com) /sayppy /15 and 19 year old Rhode Islanders now parents for the third time after giving birth to ugly ass giraffe early last week. (with pic and video) /(36) Mon Apr 13 14:40:07 2009: (Boston Globe) /statusupid /In these tough economic times, more corporate executives are reaching out employees to listen to their concerns. Just kidding, they're taking evasive-driving classes so they can avoid employees and make quick getaways /(57) Mon Apr 13 14:40:09 2009: (USA Today) /Debugumbass /In hard financial times, some Americans are seeking out second or third jobs. Some are filing for unemployment. Others are cutting back expenses. And some...well, some are just printing their own money /(36) Mon Apr 13 14:40:12 2009: (Discovery) /Interesting /Forget global warming -- the Earth is spinning slower. Global Slowing is also, undoubtedly, caused by humans. Either too many of us or we are getting to fat /(165) Mon Apr 13 14:40:15 2009: (NYPost) /sayppy /Ugly-ass titi monkeys born at Bronx Zoo. Aw, who am I kidding? It's the cutest little titi you'll see today /(46) Mon Apr 13 14:40:17 2009: (Spiegel) /Photoshop /Photoshop these hat-wearing heads of state /(57) Mon Apr 13 14:40:20 2009: (CBS Baltimore) /Debugumbass /Two Liberians accused of trying to scam restaurateur, confuse him with Dewey decimal system /(33) Mon Apr 13 14:40:23 2009: (News.com.au) /accountsmusing /They may be small, round and frequently smelly, but telling your class of 11-year olds that they're a "pack of arseholes" tends to be frowned upon /(58) Mon Apr 13 14:40:25 2009: (NYPost) /accountssinine /What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. In contrast, what happens in New York City gets your daughters strip-searched and you banned from ever becoming a foster mother /(88) Mon Apr 13 14:40:28 2009: (Daily Mail) /Scary /helpide and Seek is a much more interesting game when the loser risks being eaten by a polar bear /(55) Mon Apr 13 14:40:30 2009: (MSNBC) /sayd /Oldest American man dies, eliciting sorrow for many, yet a roster spot on the Toronto Maple Leafs T-Shirt /(32) Mon Apr 13 14:40:33 2009: (MSNBC) /Weird /One out of five people don't have anyone to kiss on New Year's Eve, and more people kiss their pets than their friends that night /(73) Mon Apr 13 14:40:36 2009: (AP) /Misc /helpigh wind knocks out power to 413,000 homes and businesses in the state of Michigan. It still wasn't as devastating as losing to Appalachian State and Toledo though /(35) Mon Apr 13 14:40:38 2009: (Fox News) /Scary /Jets pound Hamas, earn spot in playoffs T-Shirt /(712) Mon Apr 13 14:40:41 2009: (The Local (Sweden)) /accountsmusing /It really doesn't matter how annoying you find the capitalist pigs at your local golf course, you won't be able to blow them up with an ECG machine /(20) Mon Apr 13 14:40:44 2009: (MSNBC) /Interesting /Teens who make pledges of abstinence still having premarital sex and not using protection. New pledges are to be reminded that crossing your fingers does not invalidate your vow of premarital celibacy /(104) Mon Apr 13 14:40:46 2009: (Telegraph) /Debugumbass /You are unable to get through to vote for reality show "Strictly Come Dancing" so you a) forget about it and get ice cream, b) just wait and call later or c) call 911 to complain /(23) Mon Apr 13 14:40:49 2009: (TC Palm) /Florida /"May I see your skateboarder identification card please?" /(50) Mon Apr 13 14:40:51 2009: (News.com.au) /accountsmusing /This new year, people are vowing to eat more yak, learn to belch the alphabet, get a comma problem under control, and learn the name of flowers. Suddenly your resolution to eat less and work out more seems boring /(29) Mon Apr 13 14:40:54 2009: (News.com.au) /Fail /No matter how badly you're craving a smoke, always - ALWAYS - turn your oxygen bottle off first /(32) Mon Apr 13 14:40:57 2009: (Abc.net.au) /Spiffy /Ten members of the Chase and Tackle Squad capture bank robber in Sydney /(9) Mon Apr 13 14:40:59 2009: (Daily Mail) /Interesting /meet the man whose hobby is eating at restaurants rated three stars by Michelin. So far he's eaten at...well...all of them in the entire world. Your steak wants the bulkhead seat /(64) Mon Apr 13 14:41:02 2009: (Some Guy) /Photoshop /Photoshop these mighty warriors /(42) Mon Apr 13 14:41:05 2009: (Newsday) /sayd /clearlass of 09 finds out the hard way that the world needs garbage men too /(276) Mon Apr 13 14:41:07 2009: Fark Forum Mon Apr 13 14:41:10 2009: Farkives: Previous seven days - Complete archives Mon Apr 13 14:41:12 2009: Fark ad Mon Apr 13 14:41:15 2009: Tools Mon Apr 13 14:41:18 2009: Farkback (contact us) Mon Apr 13 14:41:20 2009: Create account Mon Apr 13 14:41:23 2009: Headline Search Mon Apr 13 14:41:25 2009: Fark on PDA Mon Apr 13 14:41:28 2009: FarkIt Mon Apr 13 14:41:31 2009: Fark RSS Feed Mon Apr 13 14:41:33 2009: Add to My Yahoo! 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Reach thousands of users... Thu Apr 16 07:24:21 2009: Techtites Thu Apr 16 07:24:21 2009: Your daily doze of everything tech! Thu Apr 16 07:24:21 2009: * Home Thu Apr 16 07:24:21 2009: * Techtites Daily Thu Apr 16 07:24:21 2009: * Downloads Thu Apr 16 07:24:21 2009: * Archives Thu Apr 16 07:24:21 2009: * About Thu Apr 16 07:24:21 2009: * Contact Thu Apr 16 07:24:21 2009: Subscribe via Email Thu Apr 16 07:24:21 2009: Top 5 Free System Applications for Mac Os X Thu Apr 16 07:24:22 2009: Posted by Umar Thu Apr 16 07:24:25 2009: April 8, 2009 Thu Apr 16 07:24:27 2009: Stumble it! Thu Apr 16 07:24:30 2009: I earlier wrote about some of the most useful application you can download on your Mac free of charge. It includes Best HD Video Players for Mac, Free File Compressors for Mac OS X and Top 5 To-Do List Managers for Mac OS X. Today Im going to cover some of the most used system applications for Mac. Thu Apr 16 07:24:33 2009: Caffeine Thu Apr 16 07:24:35 2009: Caffeine is a tiny program for Mac that puts an icon in the right side of your menu bar. You can click it to prevent your Mac from automatically going to sleep, dimming the screen or starting screen savers. Click it again to go back. Hold down the Command key while clicking to show the menu. Thu Apr 16 07:24:38 2009: caffeine1 Thu Apr 16 07:24:40 2009: Download Caffine Thu Apr 16 07:24:43 2009: Carbon Copy Cloner Thu Apr 16 07:24:46 2009: Carbon Copy Cloner is an ideal software for Mac that helps you Clone, synchronize, backup. Schedule your tasks. CCC 3 features an interface designed to make the cloning and backup procedure very intuitive. In addition to general backup, CCC can also clone one hard drive to another, copying every single block or file to create an exact replica of your source hard drive. CCC.s block-level copy offers the absolute best fidelity in the industry. Thu Apr 16 07:24:48 2009: carbon-copy-cloner Thu Apr 16 07:24:51 2009: Key features include Thu Apr 16 07:24:54 2009: * Complete, bootable backups Thu Apr 16 07:24:56 2009: * Simple interface for indicating exactly what you want to back up Thu Apr 16 07:24:59 2009: * Restore using the same process used for backup Thu Apr 16 07:25:01 2009: * Backups are non-proprietary, so you can browse them or use them with Migration Assistant Thu Apr 16 07:25:04 2009: * Fast, incremental backups copy only the items that have changed since the last backup Thu Apr 16 07:25:07 2009: * Archival backup archives items that have been deleted from the source Thu Apr 16 07:25:09 2009: * Support for block-level disk-to-disk clones Thu Apr 16 07:25:12 2009: * Support for backing up across the network to another Macintosh Thu Apr 16 07:25:14 2009: * Back up to hard drives or to disk images Thu Apr 16 07:25:17 2009: * Schedule backup tasks on an hourly, daily, weekly, or monthly basis, or you can indicate that a backup task should run when the backup device is attached (e.g. an iPod). You don.t even need to be logged in for your backups to occur. Thu Apr 16 07:25:23 2009: Download CCC Thu Apr 16 07:25:23 2009: AppCleaner Thu Apr 16 07:25:25 2009: AppCleaner is a small application which allows you to thoroughly uninstall unwanted apps. Installing an application distributes many files throughout your System using space of your Hard Drive unnecessarily. AppCleaner finds all these small files and safely deletes them. Thu Apr 16 07:25:28 2009: appcleaner Thu Apr 16 07:25:30 2009: Simply drop an application onto the AppCleaner window. It will find for the related files and you can delete them by clicking the delete button. Thu Apr 16 07:25:33 2009: Download AppCleaner Thu Apr 16 07:25:36 2009: Deeper Thu Apr 16 07:25:38 2009: Deeper is an excellent Mac app that allows you to enable and disable the hidden functions of Finder, Dock, Dashboard, Expos Thu Apr 16 07:25:41 2009: Download Deeper Thu Apr 16 07:25:44 2009: EverSave Thu Apr 16 07:25:46 2009: EverSave allows you to save all of your documents in a specific time interval or by changing the frontmost application. You can access EverSave easily on Mac OS X.s status bar. You won.t need to search for the application or to open it. EverSave always runs in the background. It is being controlled by five different tabs in a single window - this makes configuration quickly and user-friendly. Thu Apr 16 07:25:49 2009: eversave Thu Apr 16 07:25:51 2009: Download EverSave Thu Apr 16 07:25:54 2009: If you enjoyed this post please feel free to subscribe today. 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Thu Apr 16 07:26:38 2009: Related Posts: Thu Apr 16 07:26:41 2009: * 3 Useful Application Launchers for Mac Thu Apr 16 07:26:44 2009: * Best HD Video Players for Mac Thu Apr 16 07:26:46 2009: * Easiest way to create PDF files online Thu Apr 16 07:26:49 2009: * Top 5 To-Do List Managers For Mac OS X Thu Apr 16 07:26:51 2009: * Free File Compressors for Mac OS X Thu Apr 16 07:26:55 2009: Readers who viewed this page, also viewed: Thu Apr 16 07:26:57 2009: * Top 5 To-Do List Managers For Mac OS X Thu Apr 16 07:26:59 2009: * Free File Compressors for Mac OS X Thu Apr 16 07:27:02 2009: * 5 Cool Resources for Book Lovers Thu Apr 16 07:27:05 2009: * About Us Thu Apr 16 07:27:08 2009: * Best HD Video Players for Mac Thu Apr 16 07:27:11 2009: One Response to . Top 5 Free System Applications for Mac Os X . Thu Apr 16 07:27:13 2009: Comments: Thu Apr 16 07:27:15 2009: 1. Thu Apr 16 07:27:18 2009: Sticktacular says: Thu Apr 16 07:27:20 2009: April 13, 2009 at 7:09 pm Thu Apr 16 07:27:23 2009: Nice article, good apps! Thu Apr 16 07:27:26 2009: Reply Thu Apr 16 07:27:29 2009: Leave a Comment Thu Apr 16 07:27:31 2009: Click here to cancel reply. 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Excessive and improper cell phone use accounts for hundreds of thousands of injuries and deaths around the world every year. A recent study showed that a coordinated 20 year-old on a cell phone has the same reaction time as that of a 70 year old. This waned concentration can lead to many dangerous situations. And while most of us have made it this far without the need of protective shoulder pads or helmets, the risk of cell phone injury still exists. The following is a list of cell phone injuries, ordered in their likeliness to occur, from most to least. Thu Apr 16 07:31:35 2009: 1. Bumping Into Inanimate Objects Thu Apr 16 07:31:35 2009: Injuries from simply walking into inanimate objects are steadily rising along with the rise in cell phone use. It.s not uncommon for people to admit themselves in hospitals with lacerations and bruising as a result of walking blindly into signs, lamp posts etc. Thu Apr 16 07:31:35 2009: lamp post Thu Apr 16 07:31:35 2009: 2. Falling Thu Apr 16 07:31:36 2009: While inanimate object bumping accounts for a large chunk of cell phone related injuries, falls also contribute their share. Cell phone users falling down stairs is not only very dangerous, but damn embarrassing too. The most recently publicized incident of this was when Valerie Jarrett, one of President Barrack Obama.s political aids, stepped off a curb while using her Blackberry and severely twisted her ankle. Thu Apr 16 07:31:36 2009: fall Thu Apr 16 07:31:39 2009: 3. Walking into traffic Thu Apr 16 07:31:41 2009: There.s been a sharp rise in incidents of people walking into traffic, as oblivious texters step off of sidewalks and cross streets during red lights. Thu Apr 16 07:31:44 2009: traffic texting Thu Apr 16 07:31:47 2009: 4. Road Accidents Thu Apr 16 07:31:49 2009: At this point everyone knows driving and talking on a cell phone is bad. Across North America, most states and provinces have made talking on a cell phone against the law. The result of transgression? A hefty fine. Thu Apr 16 07:31:52 2009: crash phone Thu Apr 16 07:31:54 2009: 5. Battery Explosion Thu Apr 16 07:31:57 2009: Exploding batteries are probably the least publicized of all cell phone related injuries but there are quite a few instances of serious injury and one recorded death. Thu Apr 16 07:31:59 2009: battery burn Thu Apr 16 07:32:02 2009: 6. Carpal Tunnel Thu Apr 16 07:32:05 2009: Teens have been carted to hospitals in the thousands with hand and wrist problems as a result of excessive text messaging or SMS. Blackberry users are some of the biggest abusers of cell phones which has lead to an increase in cell phone-related Carpel Tunnel syndrome. Thu Apr 16 07:32:07 2009: carpal crazy Thu Apr 16 07:32:10 2009: 7. Cell phone up your bottom Thu Apr 16 07:32:13 2009: In the real world, this is probably the most unlikely way to injure oneself with a cell phone.But in the prison world, this is actually a fairly common occurrence. Prisoners are often caught with various items in their. umm .puckered starfish.. Cell phones are banned in prison and inmates are forced to. uhhh force cell phones in places where only boarder guards dare to probe. Thu Apr 16 07:32:16 2009: x-ray Thu Apr 16 07:32:18 2009: 8. Swallowing a cell phone Thu Apr 16 07:32:21 2009: Technically, the only incident on record wasn.t of someone swallowing a cell phone of their own accord, but in fact having one shoved down her throat by her angry boyfriend (assuming now ex-boyfriend). Thu Apr 16 07:32:23 2009: choke cell Thu Apr 16 07:32:26 2009: 9. Cancer Thu Apr 16 07:32:29 2009: The media has been talking about cell phones causing brain cancer ever since their inception. In terms of likeliness of occurrence however, this ranks as the lowest. There is still no solid evidence to support this claim. Thu Apr 16 07:32:31 2009: tumor cell Thu Apr 16 07:32:34 2009: 8 Responses to .9 Humiliating Ways Cell Phones Injure People. Thu Apr 16 07:32:37 2009: 1. Stephen Says: Thu Apr 16 07:32:39 2009: February 11th, 2009 at 11:27 am Thu Apr 16 07:32:42 2009: lol, did someone actually have to put a foam pad on that lamp post cause people kept walking into it? Thu Apr 16 07:32:44 2009: classic Thu Apr 16 07:32:47 2009: 2. Hue Wong Says: Thu Apr 16 07:32:50 2009: February 11th, 2009 at 1:35 pm Thu Apr 16 07:32:52 2009: Actually i think ther eis LOTS of evidence to support the brain cancer claim. you may want to try a google search, you just might be suprized Thu Apr 16 07:32:55 2009: 3. Anne Says: Thu Apr 16 07:32:57 2009: February 11th, 2009 at 8:47 pm Thu Apr 16 07:33:00 2009: The scary one is the dolt pushing the baby stroller, which is the first thing to advance into traffic. But, hey, it.s more important to text every waking minute than to keey an eye on your children. Very sad. Let.s have some strict legislation against this madness, because it.s just gonna get worse. Thu Apr 16 07:33:03 2009: 4. danoj Says: Thu Apr 16 07:33:05 2009: February 12th, 2009 at 2:57 am Thu Apr 16 07:33:08 2009: Cancers take time to develop. And cell phones have been in use amongst the masses for years and when its time is complete their will suddenly be an avalanche of cancer cases all over the world. Thu Apr 16 07:33:11 2009: I.m not very knowlegdable in this kind of things but I was wondering that brain cells mostly communicate in electrical pulses and with these pulses are disrupted or interefered with then you have all kinds of terrible brain ailments like Parkinsons and alzheimers. Now, won.t a continous sources of foreign wireless electronic pulses disrupt this the tenous electrical balance between brain cells? Thu Apr 16 07:33:13 2009: Also since we really don.t know what long term use of this device can do-it will take at least 50 years before it can be determined to be safe for use. Thu Apr 16 07:33:16 2009: Meanwhile we have to try as much as possible to curtail its use. And please keep children away from it. Thu Apr 16 07:33:18 2009: 5. danoj Says: Thu Apr 16 07:33:21 2009: February 12th, 2009 at 6:18 am Thu Apr 16 07:33:24 2009: More info on cell phone radiation Thu Apr 16 07:33:26 2009: http://whatreallyhappened.com/category/consumer_rights Thu Apr 16 07:33:29 2009: 6. Thomas Says: Thu Apr 16 07:33:32 2009: February 12th, 2009 at 9:39 am Thu Apr 16 07:33:34 2009: I think the he/she doesn.t claim it.s impossible to get cancer but they say it.s the least likely to occur. Thu Apr 16 07:33:37 2009: 7. Simmons Says: Thu Apr 16 07:33:39 2009: February 12th, 2009 at 11:25 am Thu Apr 16 07:33:42 2009: i accidently hit myself in the head with my iphone. Thu Apr 16 07:33:45 2009: 8. Shaye Says: Thu Apr 16 07:33:47 2009: February 14th, 2009 at 5:35 am Thu Apr 16 07:33:50 2009: The photo on number 4 had me on the floor with laughter - ironic! Thanks for sharing ; ) Thu Apr 16 07:33:52 2009: Shaye Thu Apr 16 07:33:55 2009: p.s the puckered starfish was a very imaginative description! Thu Apr 16 07:33:58 2009: Leave a Reply Thu Apr 16 07:34:00 2009: Name (required) Thu Apr 16 07:34:03 2009: Mail (required) Thu Apr 16 07:34:06 2009: Website Thu Apr 16 07:34:08 2009: Notify me of followup comments via e-mail Thu Apr 16 07:34:11 2009: Comment moderation is enabled. Your comment may take some time to appear. Thu Apr 16 07:34:13 2009: Cat Thu Apr 16 07:34:16 2009: Recent Posts Thu Apr 16 07:34:19 2009: * Cellular Cinema: The Future of Movie Making? Thu Apr 16 07:34:21 2009: * 9 Humiliating Ways Cell Phones Injure People Thu Apr 16 07:34:24 2009: * 10 iPhone Apps Making Life More Convenient Thu Apr 16 07:34:27 2009: * Turning Off Your Cell Phone: A Matter of Life and Death Thu Apr 16 07:34:29 2009: * The Camera Phone Predator Alert Act Thu Apr 16 07:34:32 2009: Authors Thu Apr 16 07:34:34 2009: Last comments Thu Apr 16 07:34:37 2009: * porkling: This is truly the future of movie Thu Apr 16 07:34:40 2009: * David: The future of movie making? No way. Thu Apr 16 07:34:42 2009: * Anonymous: Case and point? Thu Apr 16 07:34:45 2009: * Tom: Great article! I would like to re-post it Thu Apr 16 07:34:47 2009: * Hectic Capiznon Bloggers 2009: Evolution of cell phone technology... Nice article... Thu Apr 16 07:34:50 2009: * How to unlock a phone: Interesting article, i have bookmarked your blog Thu Apr 16 07:34:53 2009: * Shaye: The photo on number 4 had me Thu Apr 16 07:34:55 2009: * Simmons: i accidently hit myself in the head Thu Apr 16 07:34:58 2009: * Thomas: I think the he/she doesn't claim it's Thu Apr 16 07:35:01 2009: * danoj: More info on cell phone radiation http://whatreallyhappened.com/category/consumer_rights Thu Apr 16 07:35:03 2009: Archives Thu Apr 16 07:35:06 2009: * April 2009 Thu Apr 16 07:35:08 2009: * February 2009 Thu Apr 16 07:35:11 2009: Pages Thu Apr 16 07:35:14 2009: * About Thu Apr 16 07:35:16 2009: Tags Thu Apr 16 07:35:19 2009: Community Blog Entries (RSS) and Comments (RSS). 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Wilson Thu Apr 16 07:38:20 2009: * Print Thu Apr 16 07:38:22 2009: * Email Thu Apr 16 07:38:25 2009: * Cite Thu Apr 16 07:38:27 2009: * Feedback Thu Apr 16 07:38:30 2009: * Thu Apr 16 07:38:33 2009: Share Thu Apr 16 07:38:35 2009: o Digg This Thu Apr 16 07:38:38 2009: o Yahoo! Buzz Thu Apr 16 07:38:41 2009: o StumbleUpon Thu Apr 16 07:38:43 2009: o del.icio.us Thu Apr 16 07:38:46 2009: o Reddit Thu Apr 16 07:38:48 2009: Cite This! Thu Apr 16 07:38:51 2009: Close Thu Apr 16 07:38:54 2009: Please copy/paste the following text to properly cite this HowStuffWorks article: Thu Apr 16 07:38:56 2009: Wilson, Tracy V. "How the iPod Touch Works." 11 September 2007. HowStuffWorks.com. <http://electronics.howstuffworks.com/ipod-touch.htm> 16 April 2009. Thu Apr 16 07:38:59 2009: Inside this Article Thu Apr 16 07:39:01 2009: 1. Introduction to How the iPod Touch Works Thu Apr 16 07:39:04 2009: 2. iPod Touch Features Thu Apr 16 07:39:07 2009: 3. The iPod Touch Interface Thu Apr 16 07:39:09 2009: 4. iPod Touch Processor Thu Apr 16 07:39:12 2009: 5. Lots More Information Thu Apr 16 07:39:15 2009: 6. See all iPods articles Thu Apr 16 07:39:17 2009: Electronics Videos Thu Apr 16 07:39:20 2009: Electronics Videos Thu Apr 16 07:39:22 2009: * More Electronics Videos Thu Apr 16 07:39:26 2009: The thing that sets the iPod touch apart from other iPod models is its touch-screen interface. When you touch the screen, the iPod's circuitry detects the presence of your finger. It keeps track of how many fingers you have on the screen and where you move them. Thu Apr 16 07:39:28 2009: The iPod touch does this using a layer of capacitive material under a protective covering. You can read How Capacitors Work to learn more about them, but the basic idea involves taking advantage of the electrical properties of the human body. When you touch a capacitive surface, the amount of charge it holds changes. This is why devices like the iPod touch require you to touch them with your bare skin -- insulating materials like gloves, pens and styluses don't cause the same changes in the capacitive circuitry. Thu Apr 16 07:39:31 2009: touch sensing Thu Apr 16 07:39:33 2009: The basic process behind detecting touch Thu Apr 16 07:39:36 2009: There are two possible methods the iPod touch can use to measure changes in electrical states: Thu Apr 16 07:39:39 2009: * Self capacitance: Circuitry monitors changes in an array of electrodes. Thu Apr 16 07:39:41 2009: * Mutual capacitance: A layer of driving lines carries current. A separate layer of sensing lines detects changes in the electrical charge when you place your finger on the screen. Thu Apr 16 07:39:44 2009: self Thu Apr 16 07:39:47 2009: Sensing circuitry in a self-capacitance screen measures changes in electrical charges. Thu Apr 16 07:39:49 2009: mutual Thu Apr 16 07:39:52 2009: In mutual capacitance, a grid of driving lines and grid of sensing lines work together to detect electrical changes. Thu Apr 16 07:39:54 2009: Regardless of which method the screen uses, you change the electrical properties of the screen every time you touch it. The iPod records this change as data, and it uses mathematical algorithms to translate the data into an understanding of where your fingers are. In the next section, we'll explore what the iPod touch does with this data and how to navigate through its features. Thu Apr 16 07:39:57 2009: Previous Page Next Page Thu Apr 16 07:40:00 2009: Inside this Article Thu Apr 16 07:40:02 2009: 1. Introduction to How the iPod Touch Works Thu Apr 16 07:40:05 2009: 2. iPod Touch Features Thu Apr 16 07:40:08 2009: 3. The iPod Touch Interface Thu Apr 16 07:40:10 2009: 4. iPod Touch Processor Thu Apr 16 07:40:13 2009: 5. Lots More Information Thu Apr 16 07:40:15 2009: 6. See all iPods articles Thu Apr 16 07:40:18 2009: Related Ad Categories Thu Apr 16 07:40:21 2009: * Thu Apr 16 07:40:23 2009: digg more Thu Apr 16 07:40:26 2009: * Thu Apr 16 07:40:29 2009: Yahoo! Buzz Thu Apr 16 07:40:31 2009: buzz more Thu Apr 16 07:40:34 2009: * Thu Apr 16 07:40:36 2009: Related Content Thu Apr 16 07:40:39 2009: Prices: MP3 Players Thu Apr 16 07:40:42 2009: Apple iPod classic 6th Generation Silver (160 GB) MP3 Player Thu Apr 16 07:40:44 2009: MPN: MB145LL/A, 160 GB (Hard Drive), 40000 Songs, 4.9 oz., Audio Files: MP3, WAV, AAC, MP3 VBR, AIFF, Audible. Video Files: MPEG-4... Thu Apr 16 07:40:47 2009: $280 - $340 Thu Apr 16 07:40:49 2009: Apple iPod nano 2nd Generation Black (8 GB, MA497LL/A) MP3 Player Thu Apr 16 07:40:52 2009: MPN: MA497LL/A, 8 GB (Built-in Memory), 2000 Songs, 1.41 oz., Audio Files: MP3, WAV, AAC, MP3 VBR, AIFF. Display Size: 1.5 inch Thu Apr 16 07:40:55 2009: $125 - $350 Thu Apr 16 07:40:57 2009: Apple iPod classic 6th Generation Black (160 GB) MP3 Player Thu Apr 16 07:41:00 2009: MPN: MB150LL/A, 160 GB (Hard Drive), 40000 Songs, 5.7 oz., Audio Files: MP3, WAV, AAC, MP3 VBR, AIFF, Audible. Video Files: MPEG-4... 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